Is it normal to not be into sex?
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Is it normal to not be into sex?
| Tue, 06-19-2007 - 6:35pm |
I've never really been into sex. I mean other women talk about it like it's the best thing in the world and if my husband asked me I'd say no. I mean it hurts and I don't have orgasms from sex. I just see it as something to do when you want a baby. Don't get me wrong it feels really good when I get oral pleasure but sex without that is bland. My husband is good in bed but I've always been this way. Is there any way I can get a new outlook on this because after a while I see this as becoming a potential problem.

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I'm so sorry about the loss of your baby and your grandfather.....but if you've been this way since you've been 14, those two things have no real bearing on your sexual problems. As a matter of fact, if you truly loved sex, you would be NEEDING the intimacy of it at times like this. Sex increases the endorphines (feel-good hormones), and is great to lift the spirits after a traumatic loss. Also, at this point in your life, if you just had a baby 4-5 months ago, your hormones are fluctuating all over the place, and many women experience a loss of interest in sex for up to a year after having a baby.
If you've had a baby, you've obviously seen a doctor recently, so there's nothing wrong with you physically that would cause painful sex....or your doctor would have told you.
Because you started so young, you really had no idea what sex was about, nor probably did your partner(s). Young guys know nothing about the female anatomy, and they know nothing about foreplay.....which will normally get you aroused and lubricated, which enables you to have pain free intercourse. They probably went right for intercourse, you weren't ready, and it was painful. You trained yourself to EXPECT pain, and you got it. No one can enjoy something that you know will be painful!
Now, you have to train your mind to expect PLEASURE....and allow yourself to relax and enjoy that pleasure. I have a suggestion. For a while, don't even try for intercourse. Have your husband give you lots of oral and manual clitoral stimulation, while you do NOTHING but lie there and relax.....and enjoy the feelings you have. You can relax because you know there won't be any intercourse following. You can ALLOW yourself to enjoy it because you know there won't be any pain after that. You can take care of your husband manually or orally.....so he's not left hanging. If you do that a few times.....you'll understand the pleasure of foreplay and clitoral stimulation. Then when you feel relaxed enough, get the lube, use it liberally, and try intercourse. If it still hurts.....then STOP...and try it again next time. If you KNOW you're not going to have pain....then you can train your mind to forget it. By the way, get the lube in the bedroom where it belongs....of course it's a disruption to have to stop to go to another room to get it. Keep in in the nightstand, or a dresser drawer near the bed....or even under the pillow or mattress so you can just grab it when you need it.
I'm so sorry that you lost a child kdaerose. My sympathy and heart goes out to you. And yes it is quite likely that can contribute to your lack of pleasure. My stepson and his wife lost a baby (he was 6 weeks old and it was from salmonella poisoning) and I know for a fact that she was seriously depressed for months after that happened. Depression is known for causing loss of sex drive. Have you seen a grief counseler?
I do have a question that I am not sure I read the answer to in here (I'll have to check the other posts). Did you ever enjoy sex before? From your original post it seems like you never really enjoyed it at all. Are you sure that your DH is good at what he is doing or does he just tell you that he is good and you take his word for it?
Edited 6/21/2007 11:00 am ET by tami-kins
Well I should have read all the posts before I posted because it sounds like you received some very GOOD advice. Definitely talk to your DH and if he knows you want to make things better in the bedroom I am sure he will be more than willing to cooperate and help teach you to enjoy what you do together.
"I know that in marriage they say your supposed to do things with your husband no matter how you feel."
Now that statement right there is NOT quite true. You have control of your body and yes it is good to make sure your partner is satisfied BUT ... if you don't feel like doing something, you have every right to say no.
Try what was suggested in an earlier post (ask your husband to just please you orally and manually for a while and do the same for him) and please let us know how you are doing. We are here if you need help.
((hugs))
But you deserve it to be exciting for you too! Try what they suggested earlier and make sure that when you do try I/c again that you use lots of lube! It shouldn't hurt if you have enough lubrication and if it still hurts go to your doctor and tell him!
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