Is it PE??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
Is it PE??
9
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 11:10am

I posted this message on a general message board and was directed to the appropriate message board, so here it is. Hope someone can give me a little insight on this...Thanks Tish!!

I have been chatting with this guy for 8 months now. 3 months into chatting I was out visiting a friend in the state where he lives and we hooked up and had great conversation for about 4 hours, we kissed and cuddled for a while but didn't take it any further. During our online and telephone conversations, we've had many deep conversations, including sexual ones and even had phone sex one time. About a month ago, I was out there again and spent most of the weekend hanging out with him, my sis and some of his friends. We went out one night and and had a wonderful time. We were drinking and dancing the entire night....we were also kissing a lot at the club and finally went back to his place where I spent the night.

So when we got to his place, we went straight to the act. He performed oral sex on me and and when I went to touch him in his private part, I noticed he had already ejaculated before even penetrating. I didn't make him feel uncomfortable and continued to caress him which got him erected again instantly. When he finally penetrated, we were performing for about 4 minutes tops and he ejaculated again. We fell asleep and the next morning before he took me to the airport, we had sex again, this time I was riding him and again, he came really quick.

I am a very blunt and open person but I didn't discuss this with him because I didn't want to distroy his ego but I could tell he was embarrassed about it being that it was our first time together. A month later (about a week ago)we finally had an email conversation about the night we spent together. He basically wanted to know what I thought about his performance. I said that it was brief but nevertheless enjoyable. I expressed that he took very good care of my needs and that in itself shows that he isn't selfish. I asked him if he felt bad about ejaculating quick and his response was that he didn't. He said I am a very sexy woman and it happens but also stressed that next time we should take our time and go with the flow.

The question is....do you guys think he may have a problem with PE being that the episodes were repetitive or could it have been other factors that may have contributed to it, like, the anticipation of finally being together, the drinking, the time limit, and most of all, knowing what we were already there for? Was I doing something wrong maybe? Or maybe I should wait until we're together again to be able to determine if he really has a problem? What's crazy is that it didn't turn me off, I really like this guy a lot but thats a totally different discussion within itself. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt as far as his sexual performance is concerned.....

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 11:20am

Personally, no I don't think it's PE. It was your first time together, that's all!

Most guys are nervous about their "performance", to some degree, the first time and that nervousness can cause premature ejaculation. But 4 minutes of thrusting isn't premature. It may not be long enough for you personally, but it's certainly not premature.

You didn't mention if you orgasmed at all that night? You know, he could be concerned that you're anorgasmic?

I think you need to be realistic/patient in your expectations, give him some time, and enjoy this new relationship. He sounds like a keeper!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 11:50am

Thanks for your insight ~katmandoo~.

In regards to your question:

Yes. He took very good care of me and I did orgasm. Although I must admit, I was a little tense myself. Neverhteless, I enjoyed it but what mostly made me concerned was his ejaculation without me even touching him. He ejaculated the first time while he performed oral sex on me so that in itself made me wonder. What is Anorgasm? I never heard that term before.

What you stated made perfect sense. He was probably nervous and extremely focused on trying to please me thats why I tried not to stress it too much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 1:04pm
Choco, He was probably almost too excited when he was doing oral on you..Understandable. Maybe it had been awhile since he had been with a woman...One suggestion, if he IS a Pe`er, then you might get each other off orally first, give him a few minutes and then try intercourse...That way you get off, and he desensitizes some, and penetration will last a little longer...In time it will get better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 1:59pm

Anorgasmia is


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 6:01pm
Frankly, I would take it as a GOOD sign that he orgasmed just from performing oral on you. That means he's excited by YOUR excitement! My DH often does this as well, and it's even more thrilling for me, knowing that. That was a good thing, IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Sat, 12-17-2005 - 5:06am

From your posting it is difficult to say if it PE or not. Especially since he had a few drinks, according to your posting. One of alchol's effect is relaxing of muscles that is why a drink acts like a 'scoial lubricant'. So, if he had enough to drink it is very much possible he did not have enough muscle control to prevent him from ejaculating early.

Also I am trying to figure out what impact it has on you, the relationship, and why does it matter? It is not as though he is dying or has a STD like AIDS/HIV, Hepitis C, or Herpes. PE happens to every guy at some point in their lives, especially as they get older. You only been with him one time where the both of you were drinking, there was some anticpation building, and it sounds like you might have been pressed for time. All of these factors plus others can have an issue on performance. So to starting questioning if he is suffering from PE is a bit premature not to mention sex is only a small part of the relationship.

Reading the tone of your posting I feel there is more going on than what you are willing to admit, especially in regards to your feeling towards him. That is fine becuase writing to a message board you are only going to reveal what you want others to know and what you are comfortable in disclosing. In my opinion before meeting him again I would say decide what are your feelings for him and how do you see the relationship progressing. Plus he mentioned that maybe next time take the time and go with flow. This could indicate that he knows that it is an issue in starting a new relations if he is rushed, if there is allot of build up to the act and for him based on you posting does not see it a hurdle to the relationship. So it might be worthwild to meet with him again in a relaxed setting with minimal expectations about the meeting, just let things happen naturally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 11:43am

Hey chocoloverdee!

Whenever I myself had PE problems, it wasn't necessarily nervousness that caused it for me. If I were that nervous, chances are I'd have the ol' erection problems first.

Since each man is uniquely different, then maybe his case was just that, nervousness. Otherwise I'd have to agree that he was just simply so excited that he couldn't control it. Bottom line I recall from numerous articles by sex experts/therapists is that we can label it whatever we want, but it it STILL in some way a form of PE regardless.

Doesn't mean it'll continue to be an ongoing issue or that its a problem at all, but it does mean-quite simply--that something hindered his control of it, even during penetration, whether it was from excitement during cunnilingus or whether it was from pure physical enjoyment from intercourse. He's wild over you, celebrate, LOL!

Unless this becomes an issue, don't think on it more than you already have to this point and let it become one. Like I said, happens to even ME from time to time depending on my level of health/fatigue at the time or my level of wine consumption or whatever. He sounds normal and good to go, congrats!, and congrats BIG TIME on finding someone online the way you did that you truly enjoy your time with...good for you! :)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2005
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 1:34pm

Hello

I would not worry about it,but I think if he ejaculated before you touched him it could be PE,because one of the experts on this site It says if a guy cums before ten strokes its PE and for most men a few drinks makes them last longer. There was a episode on sex in the city where a guys signature sex move was that he came when he preformed oral sex on women and they all loved it,so enjoy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2005
In reply to: chocoloverdee
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 3:53pm
Thank you all so very much for such positive replies and suggestions! We have continued to have conversations about our night together and in accordance to how he has expressed himself about how he felt, I can see now that he was very excited. So I'll just give myself a pat on the back and continue to enjoy him. He will be coming to visit at the biginning to the year and we are both looking forward to spending time together. We continue to have very sexy conversations, its just inevitable because we are extremely attracted to one another but I'm trying to keep it minimal as to not become overwhelmed and increase our expectations......there shouldn't be any and we will just let it flow. There is a lot more to our "relationship" besides sex but we are taking things really slow and keeping ourselves open to other possible relationships because we both know how hard long distance relationships can be. I do like him A LOT but I'm trying not to have any expectations because I don't want to be disappointed. I am just going to enjoy what we have to the fullest!!!