is it possible to improve this situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
is it possible to improve this situation
3
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 12:21am

I recently started getting intimiate with a guy I've been dating for several weeks. He's everything I'm looking for in a boyfriend and future husband- unlike my exes he wants a commitment, he goes out of his way to please me, he has a wonderful loving personality and I just feel so good about it overall... the issue is, he's overweight and I'm afraid it's going to cause issues with our sex life. a few years ago I tried to have sex with another guy who was overweight and it totally flopped. He kept on struggling to get it in because he was small (and I think his gut made it hard for him to get close to me physically) and he even tried to blame it on my body, although I know there's nothing wrong with my body because I've had awesome sex before with my ex who was pretty large and in good shape.

Anyway, I'm attracted to this new guy despite his weight, and he talks about losing weight but I don't get the sense he'd dedicated to doing it. He showed me pictures of himself from a few years ago where he was thinner and in good shape and then he had some issues and an accident and ended up gaining a good amount of weight and losing muscle. I also noticed that he's a little smaller than the guys I've slept with and all I can think about is the bad experience I just mentioned where the guy kept falling out because it was too short and had a big belly. Some of you may have already heard this on Oprah a while ago, but Dr. Oz said that a man's penis size could increase a little if he loses a good amount of weight. I don't like to be judging this guy based on this but I once heard a saying, something like, "sex is ten percent of a relationship but if it's bad it's 90 percent."

Still, I really feel like this guy has loads of potential. If he had a better diet, worked out more and lost about 30 pounds he'd be smokin' hot. I've been trying to delicately suggest to him to eat better foods, I talk about going to the gym myself and he does acknowledge that he wants to lose weight. I would just hate to end up having to call it quits if our sex life gets too frustrating over something that can be fixed with frequent gym visits and a good diet. Has anyone dealt with this before? Is there any way to help someone improve not only for the sake of their health, but for their sex life as well, and not insult them in the process?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 1:16am

First of all, you don't KNOW if you'll have sex problems......and until you try it and find out.......don't worry about something that you don't know for a fact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 9:14am

Welcome to the board iv_sunnygirl.

I think it's possible to over think a situation, and perhaps that's what you're doing here. Until you actually have sex with this new guy, you really can't judge what will happen, and even then, you can't predict the future. Comparing him to a past lover isn't a good idea either. You could have sex with twins and come out of it with two different experiences. Each person is an individual, and each person will have different likes and dislikes in the bedroom. Try to have your encounters with this guy with an open mind, not comparing him to a past, overweight lover.

Since he has shown you pictures of him "before", and has mentioned his desire to get in better shape, then perhaps you could start an exercise program (and/or healthy eating practice) for the two of you. It's a great idea to want to be physically fit, and stay in good shape, and often in a newer relationship, partners are looking for ways to spend time together. My concern is that you would become preoccupied with that, or doing it for the wrong reasons. While the rules say a guy can gain penis length by loosing weight -- that's penis length that already exists and is just being hindered by a fat pad. Anything from a different position to a different body build can cause that to be different with each person.



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket









my partner in the siggy exchange




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 10:57am

Both of you are totally right. I am jumping the gun here on this. The other guy also chain-smoked and that probably also really messed things up in the bedroom along with his weight issue. It was such a bad experience though. Just really, really awful so yeah, the experience came back into my head again when I started getting physical with guy who has the same body type.

Anyway, this new guy does belong to a gym so I've been gently egging him on to go. I would join his gym to support him but he joined in his city which is over an hour away so it wouldn't work out. I don't want to become his exercise/diet drill seargent but this man just has so much potential, it's sad to not see it fulfilled when all it would take is spending every day at the gym for several weeks and avoiding beer and fast food. I'd hate to see him just ignore it and then be one of those guys in their 40s who ends up having a massive heart attack. He's like one of those guys you see on those weight loss shows where they lose a good amount of weight and they end up looking really awesome. Maybe I can at least set a good example from the food angle, as I'm very into good nutrition, fresh veggies and I never go near fast food.