Is It So?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Is It So?
9
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 1:52pm

I have a curious question for everyone out there and it goes like this:

Hypothetical situation: A young woman has sex for the first time, or so she thinks. She feels nothing from her partner. She can't even tell he's even inside her. No bleeding, no pain. Nada. A few months later she falls in love with another man and sleeps with him. The first time is painful for her. The guy says its even painful for him considering how tight everything was. There was a tiny amount of blood after this first encounter. The man asks after everything is done and over whether she was a virgin before they just slept together. The girl answers no, assuming that the first time she ever had sex counted though nothing was felt.

My question: Was she a virgin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 2:29pm
If she had a penis in her and had sex, then no she wasn't a virgin regardless of how much she felt.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 3:13pm

I would agree. Even if the 1st partner's penis was very small and she felt nothing, it still occurred.

Frankly, I think it's hard to accept a claim of virginity if a woman has engaged in every act under the sun BUT intercourse. TECHNICALLY she may still be, but certainly not in the real sense of the word.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 3:51pm
If she had intercourse, it counted.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2005
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 5:08pm

I'll take the counterpoint here. I would say she was still a virgin the second time if the first penis did not penetrate and break the hymen. To give it a Johnny Cochran spin:

If the hymen's intact
There was no sexual act

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 5:44pm

think that we could all go on for a year talking about what does and what doesn't count as a virgin and all, BUT...

...keeping in context with the story , I believe the 2nd guy was asking in the realms of whether or not she had intercourse, as opposed to whether or not she had simply been intimate with another man.

I could be wrong as always, but the story included details of how the intercourse went, I am led to believe, that much more, that the 2nd guy's question was more directed at THAT part. Hope that makes sense, lol.

So, with that in mind, I think its perfectly honest to answer with an type of answer. Thinking on it, that type of answer covers all because it reveals that she WAS intimate with a man prior and that intercourse WAS deliberately attempted but that she wasn't sure if it was successful or not.

Just my lack of coffee opinion, LOL!

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 7:41pm
Okey dokey, lemme be not so evasive. Before I had lost my virginity by having intercourse, there was some behavior on my part. The behavior was tried once and never liked. I discontinued. I was a very modest girl who didn't let anyone touch her. When I was 18, a guy pulled me in the closet, locked the door, shut the lights off, and took my glasses from me. I have 20/200 vision and I am night blind. I couldn't see a damn thing at all. I tried to get out, but he stood between me and the door. He pushed me down to the ground and put himself in my mouth. I refused and I tried to get out. If it hadn't been for the fact that someone was looking for me, I don't know what else would have happened. I never told anyone let alone any authorities because it would have been my word against his. So, when I hooked up with the boyfriend in Raliegh, I was a virgin. We tried intercourse three or four times and it just wasn't happening. I would give him hand jobs because he begged and begged and begged even if I said no. When I met my DH, we had intercourse a week after getting together (I know, I'm a hussy). It hurt. And it hurt. And it hurt..Then it felt wonderful and it still does. When he asked me if I was a virgin, I had to answer no. To me, I honestly felt that I wasn't. When my DH and I were talking about it a year later, he felt that he was the one that took my virginity. I allow him the fantasy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 7:41pm

Thank you Para .... my response to all of these trivial arguments is "What does it have to do with the price of tea in China?" If the answer is nothing, then IMHO it is trivial argument.

CH

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 7:53pm

Maybe I'm just WAY off here, but right now off the top of my thinking, I still find no fault in him believing he is the first when it comes to intercourse.

He was not your first intimacy, but he WAS your first successful intercourse. If he knows these things and is content with THAT meaning he was your first overall, then I say enjoy the truth in THAT and not worry about it. Enjoy it WITH him, why take it away for useless technicality? Why do that? What does that do for you?

Look, think of it this way, what happens when you "consummate" a marriage? What? Handjobs? LOL! No, of course not. So why don't you view your current relationship THAT way, WITH him, and enjoy that the past was nothing and that your future is everything. Now, what bad thing could POSSIBLY result by doing what Mr. Para says this one single time...right? Right. ;)

Again, I may be totally misunderstanding this whole thing, but if I DID get it right, then thats my opinion for ya.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 7:57pm
Thanks, "Dad!" You actually brought tears to my eyes. When I think about the intimacy with my husband, I get so warm inside. I love every moment of it. I love the look in his eyes. I love when he stops in the middle of making love and he just hugs me tight and says, "I love you so much, Pie." (Yes, my DH calls me Pie)..I'm sorry..I can't finish this post..Attack of the hormones..I need to go dry my eyes and pee..