is it too big?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
is it too big?
12
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 4:41pm
My guy has a pretty big penis (about 8.5-9 inches) and it's a little crooked, which is ok with me, but it also doesn't EVER get totally hard. That really bothers me because it's hard for me to be on top during sex. It's hard to have sex at all sometimes. Is he not turned on enough or what the heck is going on with it? It's even BENT before when he was thrusting! What's wrong with his pee-pee??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 6:32pm
That's the funny part.. he can cum over and over with me which is really REALLY cool.. But it doesn't ever get rock hard and it bends and stuff. We've been together for 9 months! This isn't anything new. I think there's a problem but I don't know how to address him on it without causing a problem or a fight... It's not ALWAYS a problem, it still gets me off, but I wish it was harder. Who wants a soft, flimsy penis?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 6:50pm
Wierd. Can't imagine how they could fix it but he should get it checked. As long as it cums OK I would think it's more than acceptable. Anyhow I have the opposite problem, my b/f of this summer, who's 40, gets absolutely rock hard. It looks like it's about to burst! It's about 7" long, maybe b/c your man has such a massive dick it doesn't fully inflate or something. While I can fully deep throat him when it's anything less than totally hard, once he gets up all the way I simply cannot do it; I can't seem to arrange my mouth/throat to be the right shape no matter what and the last inch or so is impossible. I have only touched 5 penises in my life but this one is the hardest I ever remember.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 9:56am
I was horrified to learn that a and erect penis can actually "break". Apparently its as painfull as it sounds. There is a name for it, but I can't remember it right now. Anyway the spongy hydraulics (corpus cavernosa) that are on each side produce the rigidity of the erection. When the erection cracks (wince) one is damaged and apparently often heals with a lot of scar tissue that can lead to a bend. It can also make it harder to get an erction. Maybe he suffered some sort of trauma like that? Or maybe he's just like that. Only he will know.

-Phat

PS - Reverse cowgirl is the position most responsible for "coital trauma" like what i described. Too bad, bcause its really sexy :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2001
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 1:06pm
Christy,

That's the second time I've seen you mention deep-throating your BF. I am in AWE. My size is pretty much the same your BF's from what you've said, but my GF can barely get the head in. Granted, she has a smallish mouth and a jaw problem (maybe TMJ; she doesn't remember exactly because it's been a while since the doctor told her), but I'm thinking if you learned to take THE WHOLE THING in, maybe you've got some tips that could help us just get a *little* farther. You can e-mail me through my profile if you want, or I could start a new thread here.

Thanks a bunch for anything you can offer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:01pm
I was wondering about the same thing. I started seeing this new guy and he has the biggest package I've ever seen. (Well, besides the black guy I had a fling with long time ago.) He doesn't get hard all the way, either. We've had sex only a few times, so he might not be comfrotable with me yet. I understand your frustration about you being on top. I have the same problem. The other night, when I gave him a HJ with lots of lube, it got pretty hard, but if he's on his back, it doesn't stay up. It's a little frustrating for me, too, cuz my previous guy always stayed rock hard, although he was on the smaller side. I also noticed when he orgasmed, it wasn't very hard, either.

I guess you'd have to sacrifice something, LOL. I LOVE having sex with this guy and we enjoy everything we do to each other. He gives me absolutely awesome oral, and I enjoy the "full" feeling, so I guess I'm not complaining.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 4:26pm
Hi wickidgrrl, hi everybody! Just wanted to throw my two cents in, and then you can choose what course of action, if any, to take from there. :)

First of all, weak erections seem for the most part to viewed the same way as impotence. Typically, these difficulties in achieving and maintaining and hard erections involve problems with the blood flow going into the penis.

The blood flow, or lack of, may be the result of parasympathetic nerve problems or other physical problems OR just simply psychological problems. Your situation, wickidgrrl, really does sound like a physical situation. I try not to label it as a , but I've yet to discover any medical article, yet, that indicates its okay to NOT have a hard erection when aroused and especially during orgasm. If anyone does find such a report, please feel free to post and educate the rest of us.

As always, impotence on its own is classically questioned as symptomatic from fatigue or negative effects of any particular chemical use or, heaven forbid, possible damage--whether known or unknown--to the penis area, including the parasympathetic nervous system or the arteries or the corpora cavernosa, etc.

Since he seems to orgasm a-okay and hasn't, as far as what you've reported so far, mentioned any complaints about his own erection, then naturally he'll not think anything is wrong. Needlesstosay, I suggest you mention NOTHING about impotence, but impotence was mentioned by me for your research benefit, only, regarding how physicians view that weak erections in general.

NOTE TO ALL: I'm no expert, I'm just throwing in some personal opinion.

Talking to him may really feel tricky when it comes to something like this and trying to avoid any confrontation. Perhaps the idea of expressing concern for health as opposed to expressing frustration of a weak erection could be a way to approach him on it. My wife is good at playing the role of an "If your doctor tells us that you're okay, then I'm okay with that, otherwise, I'm still concerned about your health" type of wife, LOL! Think about an additional opinion and ask your own doc about this as well. General practitioners be pretty good at directing you to good sources for answers as well, so why not take advantage of it?

Hope some of this helps. PLEASE REMEMBER that if you find anything useful, please please PLEASE post back and share with the rest of us, because ya never know how much help you may be providing, right? Right. Good luck on your investigation. ;)

Also, have you visited this message board yet?:

Sexual Health

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhgensex

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 5:00pm
I don't know why my email address is kaput. No idea how to update it!

Anyhow. Sounds like fun, but my b/f would absolutely freak if I did this. I mean, you're welcome to come out and it would be really interesting to see if we could have a fun-filled weekend of joint facials and whatnot, but I dooooon't think he'd want me coming out there to get them from another guy. I have never participated in any kind of threesome so it's hard to say whether this would be a disaster or what. But it seems to me it could be fine. It would be fun to try all three sleeping in the same bed -- wierd, but fun just the same!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 5:09pm
Well, girls, not all men are the same. Not all men get "rock hard". That's just a fact of life.

If you can't discuss sex with him without causing a problem or a fight, I'd say you have other problems in the relationship! I would certainly find a better description that "soft and flimsy" to describe it.

If he's got a problem, then maybe he should see an urologist. But, if he's ejaculating, it doesn't sound like he has a problem. Being on top would be a GOOD position for a less than "rock hard" erection, IF you're doing it right. If you're trying to bounce up and down like a jack rabbit, yes, it'll be a problem, because it'll fall out, and THAT can do damage to him if you're not careful. Try just sitting still, and rotating your hips slowly and sensuously. It'll feel great to you, and you won't have him falling out every other minute.

PS: The size of a man's penis has NO bearing on his erection. His health, his age, his genetics, and lots of other things can contribute to the problem, but NOT the size.


Edited 8/14/2004 5:11 pm ET ET by greenteabag

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 5:20pm
I have no idea but I can certainly do it. I'm a rather tiny person so if I can do it I would think she can. The main thing for her is -not- to close her lips around it. It might help to stick out her tongue too -- I can pretty easily lick his balls when I do it. But as I said, if he's fully, fully hard I can't quite get to the end and get a tongueful 'o' balls ... Again, he's a bit over 7" long and a bit under 6" around, with a particularly large (and well-sculpted!) head.

The one thing I can't seem to avoid no matter how wide I open up is hitting him with my upper back teeth. Left side especially dunno why lol. Maybe his penis is wider than my teeth? ... no idea, but it doesn't feel too great for him sometimes. B/c his c*ck is curved very slightly downward, it is easier to do than it would be if it curved up -- although in that case I guess I'd just do it upside down. I think it just comes down to my not having all that much of a gag reflex -- plus initially back in June he was not too gentle about holding my head and -making- me do it (sounds much worse than it was -- he knew I could do it and he was in fact correct).

This is the first b/f I've learned to do it quite comfortably with, and certainly my best-endowed one out of the five I've had.

I am almost certain that while it feels pretty good for him the main pleasure is just the visual one of a tiny girl making a proportionately huge penis totally disappear. That drives him absolutely crazy to watch.

I am curious as to where the head ends up -- can't tell at all -- don't know if it's actually in my esophagus or what.

Anyhow, whatever, she really can do it. It's a matter of wanting to. As they say, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear lol. NB I wouldn't say it's the most ladylike thing, so don't be freaked out by it ... there's this really gooey, stringy, thick saliva in the way back of your throat and it kind of gets all over the place, at least in my case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2001
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 9:20pm
Thanks for the reply. You may be right in that some of it is her "holding back" so to speak. She does seem pretty "guarded" at times, but I can't tell if it's because she's getting uncomfortable or not. I'd hate to just "stuff it in" just in case she is, and I've gotten a few teeth marks as it is, so I don't want to make it worse. I am a *bit* bigger than your bf overall at 7 1/2" long and right at 6" around the middle, but the head's about the same size as the rest, so there shouldn't be that much difference.

Anyway, just hearing that it probably can be done is encouraging. Again, I'm not after a super-duper deep throat, just a little "up and down."

Thanks!

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