It Wouldn't Stay In Me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
It Wouldn't Stay In Me.
21
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:35pm
Lastnight I was over at my b/f's house. I didn't think I'd be ready to have sex with him, but I was ready and he pulled out a condom and we kissed a little then he tried to get it in me. Apparently, he's to big for me. At first, I thought it was just that he was having trouble staying erect. I mean everytime he put it in me it would slip out. Not right away, but it would. It was like he'd have to hold it in me while pumping. Anyway after trying 3 or 4 positions, he still couldn't stay hard or keep it in me. Or he was to big. So he put on porn to watch and started jerking it. I got disappointed not cause he was watching porn and jerking it, but cause we couldn't have sex for whatever reason. He jerked it for a good while, then well, he came. That was a shock to me cause he wouldn't have climaxed if I did it. I'm thinking maybe when I do it for him, I don't do it long enough, he was doing it for a good while. Or maybe he needs to look at porn. Anyway the main issue here is that he couldn't stay in me. I'm not sure why. I'm going to buy some lube and try. Maybe I need it? I mean the last time I had sex was Jan 10th of 2003. Yes, I remember. Haha. But erm ya. So it's either he's to big, or he has trouble staying erect. I don't know. He says he's going to get me a dildo to loosen me. Does anyone here have an idea? Do you think lube might help me?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 4:20pm
Wow! I didn't expect a reply like this, your pretty rude. Is this how your going to reply to someone else too when they make a post about something??? You don't know how to give someone good advice is all I have to say. And besides how would you know if I wasn't in pain or not?? You just assumed that. You shouldn't be at this site. And by the way, don't call me my dear.


Edited 3/28/2007 4:41 pm ET by babydiva2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:30am

You said nothing about being in pain....even though you explained everything else that went on in detail.

The big question is whether or not he was losing his erection, which is not unusual for any man occasionally, particularly with a new partner, because he's nervous. If he was losing his erection, which I would think you would be able to recognize, then it's got nothing to do with him being too big, or you being too small. If an man doesn't stay erect, he can't stay in the vagina. If he WAS erect, and it kept falling out, then it was because he doesn't know how to regulate his thrusts.

Lastly, dildo's don't "stretch" you. Arousal does. He gave you no foreplay, and a female NEEDS foreplay to allow the vaginal muscles to relax, and accept a penis, and no matter if you're a virgin, or had sex yesterday, or two years ago.....your vagina WILL relax and allow any size penis in.....IF you're aroused and relaxed. And when you have sex the next time, you have to have foreplay all over again......every time. Nothing stretches you permanently. When you're not aroused, your vagina is closed tight. If "stretching" it was a permanent thing, then after you'd had a baby, it would be HUGE. It doesn't "stretch", the vaginal muscles relax, and allow a man in or a baby out. When it's over, they tighten up again.

Check out www.the-clitoris.com to understand more about your body, and how it works.
Maybe he should check it out too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 8:55am

It's not that he is too big, it's that he is not staying erect (ED = erectile dysfunction). He should see a doctor about the ED that he is experiencing, but it may be that he has a problem because of porn. If he overuses porn and has conditioned himself through the visual stimulation and his hand during masturbation, then he needs to recondition himself. Ask him to stop using porn and/or masturbating for a week or two and see if things improve. A lot of guys use porn because of ED, but sometimes they abuse porn and that causes its own new set of problems.

If after a couple of weeks he is still having problems with ED, he should see a doctor for sure. Sometimes ED is physical and sometimes it's mental. If it's physical, then stopping porn won't make a difference. One of the reasons why guys use porn when they have ED is because they do not need to be as hard, and they can still ejaculate through masturbation.

I suspect that he knows that his problem is not that he is too big for you. That would not cause him to slip out, it would make it too difficult for him to get in. When you talk with him about what is going on, be sensitive to the difficulties that he is having, but keep in mind that he is having difficulties, you are not. Whether it's the porn or ED, neither are about you.




Edited 3/29/2007 9:19 am ET by hunt4o


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 8:59am

"Somehow, I don't think you should be having sex with him, or probably any other man until you start understanding this stuff. You need to at LEAST be able to know if a man is erect, or if he's losing his erection! At least he used a condom!"

Wow, I think a lot of people learn about sex through trial and error. If she's not been very sexually active, how exactly is she to know what the problem is. I think it's unfortunate that she is facing this at such an early stage in her own sexual development, but I do think she will be able to learn about erections and sex by having sex!



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 1:22pm

Wow, I think a lot of people learn about sex through trial and error. If she's not been very sexually active, how exactly is she to know what the problem is. I think it's unfortunate that she is facing this at such an early stage in her own sexual development, but I do think she will be able to learn about erections and sex by having sex!

Thanx Hunt4o.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 3:00pm

<>

I hear this all the time on the boards and I am pretty sure that it is not true. I'm not talking about the sexually promiscuous girls being all loose cliche, I'm talking about vaginal birth and the difference between women who have never been penetrated and those who have some experience. Frankly, I'm too lazy to research this right now so if any one else wants to take on the task that would be nice. I know you did not mention anything about between woman differences but I have often read about that on the boards too. There are significant differences between women in "tightness" for lack of a better term. This I know from experience and because it would be extremely unlikely for all women to be identical in this respect but not in any others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 3:36pm

It's true that all women are different, just as all men are. Men's penises come in different sizes, and so do women's vaginas. But the musculature is the same regardless of size. A "normal" vagina is surrounded by involuntary muscles, which are "tight" unless aroused. When aroused, they don't just gape open, they relax, and they surround whatever size penis (within reason) or anything else that's inserted. Once it's removed, then they close tight again.

Women who have vaginal births MIGHT have damage to their PC muscle, which surrounds the opening of the vagina......and that could account for looseness at the opening, not inside. Also, women who are a little older, more experienced and more comfortable with sex, whether or not they've given birth, will "relax" more easily and faster, and will also lubricate better....so it might "feel" looser.....that's all.

That's not to say that someone who's had several vaginal deliverys won't be slightly larger, but it's SLIGHT, unless there was some real traumatic damage done during a delivery.

There's also a condition called "vaginismus" which is partly physical, and partly mental or emotional, which will prevent the vaginal muscles from loosening at all. In that case doctors reccommend "stretching" with something like a dildo, that is graduated in size. But because it's partly a "mental or emotional" problem, that's just to allow a woman to realize that intercourse IS possible. Regardless, it still takes arousal to allow the vaginal muscles to completely relax.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 10:40am

I just wanted to let you know that I will now be posting on this board under my new CL-misty_mae name.

Feel free to stick around and let us know how things are going, or ask any other questions you may have.






iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 6:34pm
Just wondering, how many vaginas have you put your penis into, Ms 'All Women Are The Same Down There'?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 11:41pm

When and where did I say that? I said they come in all sizes, just as penises do. I could take that further by saying sizes, shapes, colors, etc., just as penises do.

I also said the musculature/anatomy is basically the same in all of them, just as the anatomy of all penises is basically the same.

I never said they're all alike, any more than all penises are alike! But they all work the same, just as penises do! (Unless a person has a birth defect, or has had traumatic damage sometime in their life.) Even identical twins can have slight differences in their bodies. No two humans are identical.

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