It Wouldn't Stay In Me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
It Wouldn't Stay In Me.
21
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:35pm
Lastnight I was over at my b/f's house. I didn't think I'd be ready to have sex with him, but I was ready and he pulled out a condom and we kissed a little then he tried to get it in me. Apparently, he's to big for me. At first, I thought it was just that he was having trouble staying erect. I mean everytime he put it in me it would slip out. Not right away, but it would. It was like he'd have to hold it in me while pumping. Anyway after trying 3 or 4 positions, he still couldn't stay hard or keep it in me. Or he was to big. So he put on porn to watch and started jerking it. I got disappointed not cause he was watching porn and jerking it, but cause we couldn't have sex for whatever reason. He jerked it for a good while, then well, he came. That was a shock to me cause he wouldn't have climaxed if I did it. I'm thinking maybe when I do it for him, I don't do it long enough, he was doing it for a good while. Or maybe he needs to look at porn. Anyway the main issue here is that he couldn't stay in me. I'm not sure why. I'm going to buy some lube and try. Maybe I need it? I mean the last time I had sex was Jan 10th of 2003. Yes, I remember. Haha. But erm ya. So it's either he's to big, or he has trouble staying erect. I don't know. He says he's going to get me a dildo to loosen me. Does anyone here have an idea? Do you think lube might help me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:09am

Most healthy vagina's are all created equal with respect to width (they are a potential space not a hole), and vary slightly in length.

Most healthy women have sufficient amounts of estrogen which is what controls the elasticity of the vagina. Most vaginas can accommodate up to a 4" diameter and 9" in length....and with proper stimulation (mental and physical) can even "stretch" ;-) those limits.

More than likely, the different "feel" of the vagina is related to other factors, not so much the actual size or "strength" of the vagina itself. The amount and consistency of the vaginal fluid (which affects friction), the height of arousal the woman is in (which also affects friction due to the vascular layer within the vagina which during arousal fills with blood causing the vagina to become fuller ). Logically, the more "erect" she becomes, the less "fullfillment" she will require in order to feel tight. It is basically the same process a man's erection goes through, only in reverse. The harder he is, the more "placement" or "area" he will cover (oh, yes, that is another factor....the strength or hardness of his erection).

My theory is that because a woman's arousal is not really as prominent as a man's is, it's not something that she focuses in on. If she's not in the mood, she may not worry that she has to get in the mood and may just be accommodating. She may also be ignorant about arousal (due to upbringing and ignoring her natural bodily cues to masturbate and fantasize) and her own body. Also, many women are selfless when it comes to sex. They may simply enjoy the closeness and intimacy that sex brings so they fake arousal, orgasm and whatnot to match his (so that he does not have to wait or hold back for her or even try and please her) foregoing any physical pleasure. The point I'm trying to make (and I could go on about this), is that because a woman's arousal isn't noteable, it's not something she feels she needs to nor knows how to control. As a result, she may not be very aroused at all. She may be somewhat aroused, but not fully. Don't let the copious or even small amount of lubrication fool you. I am 48 and I have never been dry in my life (except when I douched). Also, a woman may be fully aroused, and then all of a sudden lose it. If she is not mentally aroused, nor does not utilize the other aspects of arousal (visual, olfactory, etc.), she may need constant physical stimulation of the clitoris and/or vulva or whatever it is that gets her excited, which doesn't always occur and will cause a drop in arousal which will cause her to feel "guilty" for losing all the work that has been done and again "fake" it.

I think that they all do work the same, but that not all women work the same. In order for the process to work, a, b and c has to occur....but with women, because their arousal isn't so blatant....it's not something that they concentrate on (either consciously or subconciously). In fact, it's something she may think just happens. She may not even realize that she is not fully aroused....because she can't "see" it. How can she recognize something she has no knowledge of? Even more....how can a man know for sure that a woman is fully aroused, when she herself may not even know?

More than likely, it's not so much the varying "size" of a woman, but one or more of these contributing factors. I have had sex with the same man for 30 years and the "feel" can be completely different, dependent upon those factors. I doubt that my "size" changed permanently from Friday (tight) to Saturday (loose), particuarly when Sunday it felt as tight as ever.... ;-)

What surprises me is how no one seems to view this logically. If it was a man's penis we were discussing, it would be obvious that he is less aroused because his erection isn't as firm, or doesn't exist at all (even if he is mentally aroused)....but would recognize that those things have no effect on his actual size. However, for some reason, we do not apply this to the vagina. Why wouldn't she feel differently, if she's not as engorged (aroused)? We automatically jump to the conclusion that she's "large" or "stretched" out. You even hear this said of a 19 year old....(because she's been around). That is proof enough that people are ignorant about the workings of the vagina....




Edited 4/1/2007 11:20 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:49am
I totally agree! Thanks for the in depth explanation. Now if we could only figure out how to get that information to men....it would be great. Nothing is more aggravating than to hear a man say things like "you must have been cheating with someone bigger, because you're LOOSER!" That's why I reccomend www.the-clitoris.com for men....it helps them understand......but just like all "old wives tales".....it's hard to get the "mis"information out of their heads....not only men, but a lot of women, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 11:04am

...yes, to women too. This way they can educate themselves and people who make hurtful comments. It's very much like a woman who automatically assumes that the reason the man is losing his erection, is because he is not attracted to her, when that may not be the case at all. By educating women on the many causes of ED, she will not "assume" that is true.

Anyhow....I apologize for all of the changes to my last post (100's in fact **blush**--**blush**). It was full of errors and my thoughts were a little discombobulated. I think it now represents more of what I wanted to say...




Edited 4/1/2007 11:06 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 9:24pm
So does that mean that every penis 'feels' the same to a woman, and it's just an optical illusion that makes it appear that they're different sizes?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 10:37pm

Well...with all else being equal, pretty much yes. Of course, you can only get so much into so much space....pressure is pressure as space becomes limited. And the converse is true as well....the less pressure, the less would be felt even with full engorgement. This pertains to the folds within the vagina as well, as they would most likely not spread out with a smaller penis, and would stretch more with a larger one (which may create a different feel). But basically, as the vagina stretches to accommodate, even a girthy, 8" penis can feel the same as 5" less girthy penis....so the extremes aside, I'd say yes. But again, it depends. Ask any woman who has had a finger inserted into her when she was not aroused, but had little problem with an even average penis after she was. She would say that they both definitely felt different (the smaller being painful)....but again, it had little to do with the size, and more to do with the state of the organ. No one is disputing that vaginas feel differently, just that it may have little to do with actual size.

Ah, Rice....you are too funny....and you may be onto something....

...when a woman sees a penis coming towards her for the first time, her anticipation of what it will "feel" like does create an "optical illusion"--to her it's gargantuan! (no matter what it's size) ;-)




Edited 4/1/2007 10:53 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 11:05pm

All I know is that although I've only put my penis in five different vaginas, one of them was CONSISTENTLY tighter than the others and one of them was CONSISTENTLY looser than the others. In addition, the latter one became CONSISTENTLY looser after a baby pased through it. So you're saying that differences in tightness were due entirely to differences in how aroused we were?

As I asked Sakura, how many vaginas have you put you penis into?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 12:16am

I may be wrong, Rice, but didn't you say that you didn't date any of those women you had sex with past three dates? If so, I wouldn't think that "consistently" would apply... and also, with your "experience" with women and your beliefs of them (they are all asexual), I would think that you would be agreeing that the level of arousal (or lack of) might account for their looseness... ;-)

No, I never said "entirely" anything....just giving possible explanations as to why some seemingly perfectly healthy women (even if they've never given birth) would feel loose...particuarly when the man only had sex with them once or less than three times.

However, I do believe that it's very possible that the woman who was consistently "tighter" may have had a different mental outlook on sex altogether and the "looser" one, issues with it. Either that....or she just found you irresistable...;-)

P.S. There are plenty of men who would tell you that even after giving birth to more than one child, they feel nothing different about their wive's vaginas....so it's not a given that childbirth causes a woman to become "looser." Perhaps her outlook on sex and her relationship causes it to "loosen" and it's not as a result of any substantial "physical" changes.




Edited 4/2/2007 12:47 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 9:36am

Interesting debate going on here, so I'll throw my 2 cents in!

No body part is the same on two different bodies.

Different penis sizes do feel differently, and all shapes and sizes have their own benefits. That being said, I have met 1 that was too big for my liking and 1 that was too small for my desire.

Since I have not experienced other vagina's, I can't commit to their differences, but I do know that my own vagina does vary in tightness based on my level of arousal, where my brain is at and the condition of my own PC muscles.







iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 10:15pm

I guess I was stretching the meaning of 'consistently' a bit to include 3 out of 3, but none of the others were anywhere close to being as tight as her. Her ex-husband also told me that she was the tightest he ever had too, so I don't think that it was just me. Also, I never meant to imply that having a baby automatically made a woman looser, just that it was possible, something that you and Sakura seem loath to admit. Actually, I really don't understand what's behind this militant insistence on vaginal equality. Are you really afraid that if you admit that it is possible that some women are inherently tighter than other women and that some women are inherently looser than other women, that men will use this against women somehow, much like how some women use differences in penis size against men?

I have to admit that I'm still a bit confused about how level of arousal is related to how tight a woman's vagina feels. As she gets more aroused does she get tighter or looser? Because, if it's the latter then I could see that as another reason for men to not like foreplay, LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 11:32pm

Rice, when I say that all vagina's are created equal, that's because they basically are. They are all a potential space (not a hole) encased in a highly elastic environment (assuming she's healthy and doesn't have any estrogen deficiency). That is what I know from reading about vaginas. ;-)

Why I jump in on the wagon here when it comes to discussing vaginas, is to show you and the others that there are OTHER possibilities...something of which never gets taken into account--that's all. If you really pay attention to what I'm saying, it's not that all vaginas are created equal (feel the same), but additional possibilities why they do not (other than size which is most likely unlikely (according to science). There are too many variables that affect the vagina, to make any one conclusion. Did I ever tell you that you didn't feel what you felt? I don't believe so. All that I'm "suggesting" is that just because a woman didn't feel "tight" does not mean that she is necessarily "big." I'm not the one being millitant it seems.... ;-)

What I'm trying to do, Rice, is to show that because so many of these variables can affect the vagina, that making a hasty judgement based on one or a few encounters with a woman, may be...just that....bad judgement. It may not be fact at all. It would be like a woman having sex with five men in her lifetime (less than 3 times each) and concluding: "Most men's penises do not function properly" because one was rock hard, one couldn't get it up at all, and the three others were only semi-soft. When the truth of the matter was that other variables may have come into play with the four men (maybe she was attracted to shy men who would get nervous or she had something about her that turned men off suddenly....or.... ;-)). It's like a woman having sex with a one night stand, him not being able to get it up, and then concluding that he has ED. Do you see my point? Vaginas DO feel differently, but to say that it's because she's large (particuarly when speaking about a young woman who hasn't even had children), it's most likely unlikely. It has nothing to do with "worrying" about what men will "use" against women....I just think it sounds "ignorant." tee hee Besides, I think that anyone who would use size to ridicule anyone, or who even cares about size, is a heel... ;-)

There is no doubt that some women "feel" tighter than others....no one said anything different. I just think that it's ignorant to say it's because some women have smaller vaginas than others, when other than length, the specialists say not. It's "most likely" one of the other seven or eight factors coming into play at any given time (just think of how many combinations a seven digit telephone number can make....)

"I have to admit that I'm still a bit confused about how level of arousal is related to how tight a woman's vagina feels. As she gets more aroused does she get tighter or looser? Because, if it's the latter then I could see that as another reason for men to not like foreplay, LOL."

Actually, Rice....again, women's bodies are quite complex. Here's one for ya. A woman can get somewhat aroused, have an orgasm, but never really get extremely aroused. If she is somewhat aroused, she may "open" up, lubricate, but never get internally engorged at all. This is when she may feel quite "loose" particuarly if her lubrication is slick (like saliva). I can have multiple orgasms without ever feeling extremely aroused....and through clitoral stimulation only. BUT....when I am fully aroused, I can "feel" everything extremely engorged. I crave to be inserted (where during the other type of arousal, I do not). When I am in this fully-aroused state, I can actually feel the resistance within my vagina. My clitoris is so swollen that it cannot be touched. The vulva feels five times larger than normal, even though it isn't. I know this is graphic, but I'm trying to give you a visual in order to answer you. Now, when an object is inserted inside, it is very, very tight, due to all of the engorgement. I have mentioned this before....but haven't you or don't you have different types of arousal? Aren't there times when you are so mentally stimulated, that you are about to explode without evne touching yourself or a woman yet. That your mind is crazed with sexual thoughts that you feel "high" almost? And yet, other times, you are excited as well, orgasm and all of that, but it just wasn't like that? Your penis was hard and felt great, but not like that? You recently posted about faking an orgasm. I imagine that you were hard, I imagine that it felt somewhat good...and maybe you may have even orgasmed if you popped a fantasy in your head. It would have felt great, you would have orgasmed and all, but it just wouldn't be like "that." ;-) Just think displacement, Rice. If the vascular layer below the mucous layer (the top layer) is engorging with blood, it will swell and cause resistance within the vagina. It's really not much different than your penis engorging and becoming more rigid. Placing your penis inside that environment, rather than just a soft environment, would make for a tighter environment..... I can orgasm in just a few strokes in this state... So to answer your question....more foreplay obviously, but that doesn't have to be a chore....you can both provide foreplay all day long, even when you're not together.... you can also provide it alone.... just think about sex.... what you want to do to them... what they tasted like.... rehash memories.... I know that it keeps my engines going.... Foreplay doesn't have to be work, Rice.... the ultimate is when you are receiving becuase you are giving. When what you are doing to someone else, turns you completely on, you are providing your own foreplay.... Definitely not work.... ;-)

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )