Is It Wrong To Kiss & Tell?
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| Mon, 08-22-2005 - 8:22pm |
My boyfriend and I have great communication in our relationship and can freely talk about practically anything. Recently, however, he told me a story about how when he went to a party (before we were together), he had sex with 2 different girls while at the same event. While I find that totally repellent, I also know it's not usual behavior for him, and I can chalk it up to wild oats and move on -- I completely trust his loyalty, and most of us have gone a bit wild at one point or another, so that doesn't worry me. What bugs me is that I don't see why he thought it was appropriate to tell me this story in the first place. He wouldn't like it if I told him the exact same thing with our roles reversed! Although we were friends for several years before we started dating, we never discussed our sex lives in detail with each other, so it's not as though we had already established a precedent.
When I asked him why he thought it was a good idea to share that with me, he said because it was an unusual event in his life and there aren't many people with whom he'd be comfortable enough to tell that story to. He agrees that it was a bad move, and has apologized for upsetting me and promised to think before he speaks next time, but my question is, am I being overly sensitive or unreasonable? Do all couples share these sorts of stories about their past sex lives with each other? I don't mind that he has a past, I just don't want to hear every detail about it -- is that hypocritical?

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Dh has never told me details about his sexual adventures from the past.
I know about my dh's past. He was married before me and had a few girlfriends.
Pinkylee, I think that your reaction to your BF's story was what could be expected from most people. Most of us do not want to hear about our mate's sexual past. It is just too emotional. I presume that you BF was in a bragging mood at the time, but it does seem unusual for a guy to have sex with two girls at a single event. At any rate, he should have kept this story in the back recesses of his mind!!
Next time he starts off with, "Did I ever tell you about the time I"........... Stop him in his tracks with, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!"
I don't think that you're wrong with how you feel. Who wants to know about their partner's past sexual antics especially if they're been things that fall outside our own comfort zone?
I've had my partner tell me a couple of stories about what she's done in the past, and likewise, she has a reasonable idea of a couple of the things that I've done in the past too. But we've rarely, if ever, talked about specific things in detail. Like the others have said, it's usually too emotional for one reason or another to hear about what your partner has done in the past.
Sounds like you've got him sorted out now. I don't think he'll be telling any stories like that in a hurry.
More than anything I'm usually just curious to hear what he's done and which experiences were good or bad. It rarely makes me jealous, and because I'm fairly open minded sexually there's never been anything he's told me that's disgusted me or weirded me out. Perhaps I'm the opposite of most people here, but even if it was something I didn't like I'd rather he told me so if I ever found out I didn't feel like he was keeping secrets.
On the other hand if it makes you uncomfortable that's a bad thing and I can see where you're coming from in not wanting to know. I'm sure you've made that clear to him now and he probably wont do it again, but don't be too hard on him, he may have had the best intentions in telling you.
What I know about my husband's sexual past is that he's had many before me.
Edited 8/23/2005 10:44 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
Pinkylee,
You're not being unreasonable. You are having some boundry differences. It's important to know where your partners boundries are concerning certain subjects and to respect them. Some women would have no problem with hearing the story your boyfriend told (mine probably isn't one of them, lol), and some (most) would. It sounds like you defined your boundry and hopefully he will respect them.
Scott.
"I always enjoy listening to men's sexual adventures, regardless if it was from my husband, a one-nighter or current man. I find their stories help give me insight and I love hearing about sex from a man's perspective. I can't explain it, and don't know if it's normal, but jealousy never plays on my part."
I'm the same way when it comes to this... I'm a jealous person emotionally, don't get me wrong, but when it comes to sexual exploits, I enjoy hearing about them from my current sexual partner... I think of it as inspiration and research ;)
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