Is It Wrong To Kiss & Tell?
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| Mon, 08-22-2005 - 8:22pm |
My boyfriend and I have great communication in our relationship and can freely talk about practically anything. Recently, however, he told me a story about how when he went to a party (before we were together), he had sex with 2 different girls while at the same event. While I find that totally repellent, I also know it's not usual behavior for him, and I can chalk it up to wild oats and move on -- I completely trust his loyalty, and most of us have gone a bit wild at one point or another, so that doesn't worry me. What bugs me is that I don't see why he thought it was appropriate to tell me this story in the first place. He wouldn't like it if I told him the exact same thing with our roles reversed! Although we were friends for several years before we started dating, we never discussed our sex lives in detail with each other, so it's not as though we had already established a precedent.
When I asked him why he thought it was a good idea to share that with me, he said because it was an unusual event in his life and there aren't many people with whom he'd be comfortable enough to tell that story to. He agrees that it was a bad move, and has apologized for upsetting me and promised to think before he speaks next time, but my question is, am I being overly sensitive or unreasonable? Do all couples share these sorts of stories about their past sex lives with each other? I don't mind that he has a past, I just don't want to hear every detail about it -- is that hypocritical?

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I'm glad there are at least a few people who like to share their past experiences with their partners. It really seems strange that some of us share our past experiences with the entire Internet, but not with our partners.
My GF and I tell each other of sexual experiences in our life -- discovery of masterbation, puberty, first experiences with a partner, other experiences, etc. We use it like a form of erotic pornography, and of course, getting to know each other.
Curiously, I have shared sexual past with probably all of my past partners, and they have shared with me, and for the most part, we seemed to enjoy it (yes, there was one woman who had serious problems with it (actually, she had serious problems that half the world is female, and I must be after ALL of them), and another one whos stories of abuse and "wrong men" horrified me, but I was still glad to know where she was coming from in life, so it was a good thing, even if not a turn-on).
However, I can say I'm pretty proud of the people I've been with -- they were all good people, I'm still close friends with many of them, so the stories are all respectful and caring...it isn't about score keeping.
Hi pinkylee2001:
What goes on behind closed doors STAYS behind closed doors!
IMHO, old or new relationship issues are NOT a public issue.
If a person is sexually active, he/she should let the presnt sexual partner know SAFE SEX WAS PERFORMED PREVIOUSLY.
There is NO need to tell the number of sexual partners or intimate details.
Mac
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Oh, I think you can share your own personal experiences with an SO, but not necessarily intimate details of experiences you've had with anyone else. Big difference in my mind.
To me, it's disrespectful to a past partner to share what I'm sure they believed to be intimate and personal. And since they don't get a say in your choice to share part of THEIR history with someone else, that needs to be respected.
But if you and your GF are okay with it, then that's your choice. Doesn't mean it's always the right choice though.
I'm not sure how I would have felt if my DH had insisted on giving me the gory details of his past experiences with someone else but I'm sure I would have lost a little respect for him on some level. I could just imagine him telling someone else OUR stories.
However, sharing any experience anonymously on a board like this, where everyone's identity is protected, is totally different, IMO.
Edited 9/1/2005 4:15 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
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