just have a question

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
just have a question
9
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 11:37pm
ok i have a question, i dont know alot about sex or guys, i have only been with one guy for 6 years and he was my first boyfriend and he still is. and let me just say our realationship has been going downhill for years, he has cheated on me twice and i forgave him cause i didnt think i could do any better then him, well a couple weeks ago i met this guy who was in town working and staying at the hotel where i work, i seen him everyday and he flirted and hit on me all the time, he kept trying to get me to come and hang out with him so one night i did and he was talking all sweet to me and saying how pretty i was and how he wanted me so bad and all this other stuff so we ended up having sex, and the next day he acted kinda different towards me and he didnt metion anything about the sex except he rated me an 8 but that was it, but he told his friends all about it and was braging to them about the sex, so my question is how do i know if he liked me or if he just wanted to get laid, and how do i know if he even
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 12:15am

Honey, you're right, you don't know anything about men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 1:33am
hi, thank you for your advice, you were right about alot of things but the only thing i dont understand is when you said he was just making himself feel better. i mean why would having sex with somebody make you feel better about yourself, i dont get it. it didnt make me feel better, it made me feel worse. and i thought that all guys bragged to each other when they have sex with someone, well maybe not the guys who are married or been with somebody for awhile. and im pretty sure he wasnt married cause he is only 18 in which he told me he was 20 but i found out later he was 18, and im 21. he told me he didnt have a girlfreind back home and his freinds said he didnt either, but he was probbly lying to me. i knew that there wasnt going to be any future or anyhting between us but still i thought that he would of at least
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 2:06am

Jenny, he's just a kid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 7:09am

Great words of wisdom!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 7:34am
A guy who has sex with you, and after the fact talks about it more with his friends than he does with you, was only looking for another notch in his belt. I'm sorry you were sucked in by this guy and his lines.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 8:49am

Welcome to the board Jenny.

It looks like you and Sakura had a nice chat about this last night, and what she is saying is so true.

Even when bad things happen in life, you can usually take some good things from the situation. In this situation, you've learned that you need to work on your self-esteem, and you've learned that you need to be less trusting of people you don't know.

In your original post, you mentioned that you stay with your BF because you thought you couldn't do any better. You also mentioned that he's cheated on you (at least) twice. In life, people treat you the way you allow them too. Work on your self-esteem, and you will see that all turning around.










iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 9:51am
i just wanna say thanx to everybody who has posted, i really appreciate it, i dont have alot of people i can talk to about this stuff so thanx for listening, im starting to feel a little bit better about the whole situation. i come to except that he just used me for sex. i still cant belive that i fell for him but at the time i was happy that a guy that attractive wanted me or thought i was in some way attractive. or at least i think he thought i was attractive otherwise why would he want to have sex with me right. something else i just rememberd i gave him my number one day and he called me but then after we had sex i just assumed he would of threw my number away but he didnt cause a couple of days after he called me up again and wanted me to come over but i didnt, then the next day he left town and i found my number in his room. i guess that should of been a dead give away that i was just another notch in his belt. another thing i dont get is the day after we had sex he still talked to me and everything but he acted like nothing happened between us, he was still nice to me, i mean is that normal for a guy to act that way after having a one night stand with somebody. and i was mad when i found out that he went and bragged to his friends about us, so then i went and told his friends that he wasnt that good in bed and then he got really mad at me and so i felt bad for doing it. but later that day he called me up and wanted me to come over and thats when i apologised for putting him down like i did. and thats the last time i talked to him so hopefully he didnt leave town being mad at me. i know i need to just let this go but for some reason i cant help but think about it all the time its like im waiting for some kind of closer that i know im never going to get and i hate it, is it normal for me to still be feeling this way about somebody i didnt really even know and who used me like he did. i think im just mad at myself for falling for him and believing in everything he said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 10:14am

I think you're learning the downside of "one night stands", especially for a person that doesn't want their body used in such a way. That's not to say that one night stands can never be pleasurable, but it depends on the people involved. If you went into this thinking you just wanted to have a good time for the night, then you wouldn't be having all the second thoughts that you're giving it now. You went into this wanting it to turn into something more. It didn't.

Obviously he thought you were attractive, or he wouldn't have given you a second glance. Since you mentioned the contention that grew the next day, I think it's a good thing you didn't go back to see him. As you have discovered, you didn't know this guy. He may have been pissed, and who knows what he might have done to you to "get even" for telling his friends that he wasn't a great lover.

In time, you will be able to put this behind you and stop thinking about it. Try to just take the lessons that you learned from it forward in life with you. It's history now, so don't beat yourself up about it ... learn and move forward.










iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 09-23-2007 - 3:47pm

Jenny, don't be hard on yourself, and understand that EVERYONE makes mistakes.