Just not getting enough
Find a Conversation
Just not getting enough
| Tue, 06-28-2005 - 8:31am |
Just thought I'd throw this out there and see what kind of feedback I get.
I'm 28 years old and have been married to a wonderful lady for 5 years. We have two great kids, ages 3 and 1. We're a loving family and I'm in love with my wife. She's kind, funny, and a great mother to our children. For the most part we get along great. The only problem is, I can't seem to find a way to spice up our sex life. It's especially rough because I've taken a job overseas and I've been away from home for the past 3 months. I've written her sexy emails and sent her pictures and asked her to do the same. She refuses. This doesn't surprise me because when I was home, getting her to have sex was like pulling teeth. And I've tried everything from reading advice books to romantic dinners and weekend get a ways. About once a month, she'd want to have sex. Even then it was disappointing because she always preferred the same position. I give her oral until she comes, then missionary until I come. BJs? Haven't had one in over a year. Doggy or anal? Forget about it. This is so odd to me because our first year of marriage, the sex was adventurous and great. I don't want to cheat on her, but I feel like I really need some sexual release. Any thoughts?
I'm 28 years old and have been married to a wonderful lady for 5 years. We have two great kids, ages 3 and 1. We're a loving family and I'm in love with my wife. She's kind, funny, and a great mother to our children. For the most part we get along great. The only problem is, I can't seem to find a way to spice up our sex life. It's especially rough because I've taken a job overseas and I've been away from home for the past 3 months. I've written her sexy emails and sent her pictures and asked her to do the same. She refuses. This doesn't surprise me because when I was home, getting her to have sex was like pulling teeth. And I've tried everything from reading advice books to romantic dinners and weekend get a ways. About once a month, she'd want to have sex. Even then it was disappointing because she always preferred the same position. I give her oral until she comes, then missionary until I come. BJs? Haven't had one in over a year. Doggy or anal? Forget about it. This is so odd to me because our first year of marriage, the sex was adventurous and great. I don't want to cheat on her, but I feel like I really need some sexual release. Any thoughts?

Pages
IF this situarion continues much longer...then you may need to suggest counseling for the two of you. This may be the result of some resentment or anger that she's harboring.
And even though she's masturbating, it doesn't mean that she has fully recovered from the pregnancy yet. She may have just wanted a quick release, not a full lovemaking session or to have to take care of you as well. I know that may seem selfish, and it is to a degree, but trust me, having been there myself, it's not as simple as it seems.
As Tally mentioned, our body image takes a beating with pregnancy and even though YOU may think she looks great, in her mind, she may still look enormous and unattractive and that's a real libido killer.
Leave her alone for awhile, no pressure for sex. See if she responds. She may feel some resentment about your being away so much and be withdrawing sexually. Or she may feel that all the nice things you're doing for her have an agenda.....you want sex. And that's the last thing you want her to feel.
Sounds like you're being a very considerate and loving husband and father though. Good job!
I don't think you're terrible, just frustrated. The thing I would say to wives like yours (having been there, done that) would be "Fake it until you make it". Sometimes time would go by and I would suddenly realize "It's been almost 2 weeks since we've had sex". And I would swear to myself that come hell or high water, I would stay awake that night, I would tease him here and there throughout the evening, I would shut the TV off, and we would have sex. Or when he made some attempt at initiating, I would not say no. Sometimes that's what you have to do - and pretty much, I would end up enjoying myself and being glad it happened.
Does she seem to have lost interest in other things as well?
>>just cause I "bring home the bacon" that my wife should be at my every sexual beck and call.<<
I don't think that was the intention when the other poster said that your wife feels that she has to do something-else for someone-else. It's just how you feel. You've given so much during the day that you're just tapped out and exhausted mentally and physically. A well-meant request for sex can seem like just another thing that you have to do.
I think that you're doing everything right under the circumstances. I also think that it's probably too early to get really worried about it. Yeah, it's very, very frustrating but I don't think that you need to worry that you'll never have sex with her ever again just yet. As the others have said, her body and brain are still recovering and adjusting.
It probably wouldn't hurt to try and get intimate with her without sex. Cuddling and kissing would probably be appreciated if she realises that you are not pressing for sex. And when she IS ready to have sex it will make her approach and the transition easier.
Maybe you could talk to her again, but that also runs the risk of making her feel like you're pressuring her. You know when and how you've talked to her in the past. You make the call on that one. More than anything, just diplomatically let her know that you miss the sexual contact and are ready when she is. And keep up what you're doing already.
I'd give it another couple of months before I considered taking things a step further.
Pages