kinda embarrasing

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
kinda embarrasing
17
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 9:48am
Hey all. Ok so like a couple people on this board, i have been on here for a while now and just been reading, listening, taking in advise...but I do have a small problem i have been trying to figure out how to solve....

my main problem is that i am one of those types of men who cum just a little to early during sex...my gf says its not a problem at all, but i mean if the roles were reversed and she was always cumming before me, i wouldnt mind AT FIRST. but i know after a while i would really want to orgasm during sex.

the foreplay is great between both of us, but im not sure, she is very tight and im not very small so its a tight squeeze and i dont know....sorry if im not making much sence, im kinda nervous posting all this...i dont normally ask about this kind of thing in a forum....anyways, any idea why i am like this or is this normal and im doing something wrong or what? thanks,

Jamie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:12am
you're anonymous, so no need to feel embarrassed...

"if the roles were reversed and she was always cumming before me, i wouldnt mind AT FIRST." well, i find that statement a bit unclear... most of the times women do cum before men, during foreplay when her clitoris is well stimulated. if you want to make sure she's satisfied, i'd suggest you give her orgasm(s) during foreplay, plus this way she's well-lubricated. then with the penetration you could stimulate her g-spot and/or clitoris (or neither), knowing that she's already very happy, you don't have to feel "bad" about being quick. you two are both satisfied, that's what counts.

if you really want to last longer, try practising. slow down or stop when you feel like cumming, then continue... you can practice solo or with her.

hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:26am
well what normally happens is i give her about 3-4 orasms before we even have sex...but i dont know...i just love the thought of the fact that i can make my woman cum during sex and it just really gets to me when i cant
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:35am

Glad you came out of lurking and decided to post.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:09am
Glad you decided to post Jamie. I think you sound normal to me since most men ejaculate earlier than they might like but unless your GF is complaining about it then don't concern yourself. With time and practice, you should gain more control.

You might try using the start and stop method of masturbation where you masturbate almost to orgasm but stop. Then slowly you build to that point again and stop. With time, you should learn what triggers your orgasm and learn how to hold back. As long as you make sure that she is enjoying foreplay to orgasm,at least once, then the pressure won't be there to last long enough and you may find that solves the problem for you.

And if you will spend most of your foreplay time on HER, building her almost to orgasm before penetration, then your arousal levels will be more in sync when you move to intercourse and she won't require as much time.

But really, unless your GF is unhappy and not being fulfilled, I wouldn't assume anything. The point is that at the end of the night you're both happy....does it really matter that it's at the same time?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:13am
Do you provide her with manual clitoral stimulation during intercourse? You're more likely to get her there more quickly if you do. Typically, intercourse alone won't supply enough stimulation anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 12:09pm
Hi Jamie.......a couple of comments on your first and second posts. If you're looking for a "mutual orgasm"......please understand that it's RARE, and it takes a long time for two people to learn each other's rhythms THAT well.

If you understand the difference between men and women......physically AND emotionally, you'd realize that when it comes to orgasms.....there is NO comparison. Men build to their climax, then release, then need recovery time to do it again. If a man reaches that point, and then for some reason CAN'T ejaculate, he's got a problem. It can be painful. Women can have multiple orgasms with no recovery time, but if a woman has sex and comes close to orgasm, but it doesn't happen, it's not a big deal. Some women NEVER have orgasms, but they can and do completely enjoy sexual acivity. Emotionally, it can be frustrating, but once a woman learns HOW to have orgasms, she'll have them, and enjoy them.

In your second post you said: "well what normally happens is i give her about 3-4 orasms before we even have sex...but i dont know...i just love the thought of the fact that i can make my woman cum during sex and it just really gets to me when i cant". I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you don't GIVE her orgasms, because if she doesn't know how to have them, there is nothing you can do to MAKE her have them. Your g/f knows how to have them, and you help her get there. You will never MAKE her have an orgasm during "sex" (meaning intercourse......because it's ALL sex, from the first kiss to the end). If you understand women's anatomy......women don't usually have orgasms from intercourse alone, because there's little or no feeling in the vagina....except the opening & the "g" spot. If you want her to have an orgasms during intercourse, then one of you or your position should be stimulating her clitoris at the same time. THAT is what will give her orgasms.

Bottom Line: Orgasms are not as important to women as they are to men. Yes, they love having them, but if they don't, they can still enjoy sex. What takes the pleasure out of sex is being with a partner that won't accept what you tell them. She says she's satisfied, so believe her. In fact, if you lighten up on her, i.e.: take the pressure off her to "perform for you".......the mutual orgasm might even happen eventually.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 12:16pm
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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 12:21pm
everyone so far has given great suggestions. One additional thing, don't think about it. The thing that got me over the quick finish was to stop concentrating on trying to hold out and start concentrating on her, what I was doing to her, how much I loved being with her. It is amazing how much longer you last when you stop thinking about you and start thinking about her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 1:02pm
first of all, i want to thank all of you for posting and giving your opinions and advise. though i do want to clarify some things.

my gf has told me that she has no problem with me cumming quickly, or before her. as i said in my original post, thats ok for a while, but it hits me hard mentally when it happens. this is partially because she has told me that with every person she has ever been with, she has ALWAYS had an orgasm with intercourse, no matter what was done before, foreplay wise. so this is some added pressure on me.

now, im not sure if this matters at all, but with my ex gf, we used to have sex with my wearing a condom and the majority of the time, we did orgasm at almost the same time...but heres the difference between the 2.

1. i wore a condom with her which reduces the pleasure and makes you last longer. my current gf is on the pill and thus we have no need for it

2. my current gf is much tighter than my ex, so once again, increasing the pleasure on my part.

i do do the start and stop method, but i just dont understand why i should have to when many men do not have to do that. they can go the 3-5 minutes without stopping. me, i can normally last about 1.5 - 2 minutes at best, but alot of the time its much less becuase i am very excited.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 1:12pm
Congrats on pleasing and wanting to please your partner. The others have given really good advice. There is nothing wrong with also wanting to please yourself, and extend both of your pleasures. It just takes time and practice to control the member when it is being gripped by paradise. Learn where that point of ejaculation inevibility is. When it approaches, pull out for a while until it subsides. Also, pull your testicles back down as they have to be pulled up to ejaculate. Besides massaging her clitoris, repeatedly move your head from just outside, to the first third of her vagina, and back out. A lot of women like that sensation of being repeatedly penetrated and it might help with her 'O'.

Good Luck

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