kinda embarrasing

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
kinda embarrasing
17
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 9:48am
Hey all. Ok so like a couple people on this board, i have been on here for a while now and just been reading, listening, taking in advise...but I do have a small problem i have been trying to figure out how to solve....

my main problem is that i am one of those types of men who cum just a little to early during sex...my gf says its not a problem at all, but i mean if the roles were reversed and she was always cumming before me, i wouldnt mind AT FIRST. but i know after a while i would really want to orgasm during sex.

the foreplay is great between both of us, but im not sure, she is very tight and im not very small so its a tight squeeze and i dont know....sorry if im not making much sence, im kinda nervous posting all this...i dont normally ask about this kind of thing in a forum....anyways, any idea why i am like this or is this normal and im doing something wrong or what? thanks,

Jamie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:49pm

A few things in your post, first off, YOU have to stop worrying and thinking about what happened sexually with your g/f and other men she was with.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:50pm
You don't think you "should have to" learn control? Well, if you're having control issues you do....just as every other man does in the beginning. Most men train themselves to orgasm quickly from the moment they find their erections because they're afraid of being caught by Mom. So, every man has to practice lasting longer once someone else's pleasure is a concern.

My DH had this problem when we first became intimate and we solved it by my not stimulating him during foreplay at all. After a while, the problem resolved itself. You simply cannot assume that most men can thrust aggressively for a protracted length of time, without orgasming, because they can't.

I think you need to ask your GF NOT to share quite so much useless information with you, since it only serves to make you feel pressured and insecure. Plus, I don't know too many people, men or women, who enjoy being compared to past lovers.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 3:53pm
Hey Stranger! Long time no see.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:21pm
My bf and I have the same exact issue. He cums kind of early sometimes, I'm very tight, he's not small ..so it gets frustrating.

Just recently it started getting better. You have to kind of train yourself in a way to hold your orgasm. There's a point of no return and you can't get to that point if you want to last long.

I'll make a suggestion ...when you two have sex..why don't you try going very slow at the beginning, work your way up to speed but then slow down again...if you keep doing that..you'll start to last longer.

It's helped my bf...today he went for something like 45 minutes..after times when he was going for like...a minute...it's a big difference and it's WAY more fun that way cuz you'll get to try differen't things..you'll have the time lol.

Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 9:20am
hmm ok then thanks alot all, i appreciate all the advise you have given. honestly though, what my gf has said is that if it was needed she would be more than willing to make me cum once during foreplay before we have sex to make me last even longer...hehe i prefere that to no foreplay at all :p

once again though, thanks all for the help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 4:26pm
I am sure your girlfriend loves you very much, I think perhaps you should ease your own mind and heart by allowing yourself to realise that she does indeed love you and no matter how much it happens, that you ejaculate early, that she will still understand. For women sex is indeed enjoyable and something they love doing, and yes it is an important intimate thing to share with your lover, but they are also understanding. Your girlfriend will understand you and no doubt try many of the ways mentioned in the posts here to help. Hopefully that could help you ease your disappointment in yourself, which you don't need to feel.

There are ways such as pulling down on your testicles when you feel yourself close to cumming or indeed slowing down. As someone else mentioned, if you begin sex slowly and gently so you're both pleasured but you aren't getting so worked up you can't help yourself, but start slow and savour it and then get faster and stronger more gradually then you can both experience passionate sex, if you feel too close to climaxing for comfort, and too soon, then slow down a bit again and maybe pull out of her for a moment and push back in. That will keep her happy as she will be penetrated again and it may give you that moment you need to hold off the orgasm. You can do that quite a few times during sex and hopefully it would keep you both happy.

The main thing is not to worry too much. There are so many ways that people can enjoy themselves having sex. You said you can make her orgasm many times in foreplay, well that alone will make her happy. Yes it is amazing to both cum (not necessatily at the same time) while having sex. You can both cum at different times. If you do cum before her the chances are that she loves you so much that she will be just as happy that *you* came as if she'd cum herself. You can then take a little breather and try again as perhaps a second time you will be more calmed and relaxed after your first orgasm and will be able to go for a little longer.

The main thing is, don't let yourself feel sad, sex is meant to be an enjoyable and great thing, it would be more upsetting for her to see you upset and kicking yourself than it would be for her not to cum.

I hope that this helps...

-x-Robyn-x-

"There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness. New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything. For the heart is an organ of fire. Every night I cut out my heart. But in the morning it was full again. We die, we die rich with lovers and triumphs, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have... entered and swum up like rivers."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 4:06pm
I just thought that I'd throw in one last post - when I am close to cumming there is no way that I can stop it if my partner doesn't help me. I can slow down or pull out a bit to delay it but if she pulls me back in or moves herself while I am trying to not move, then she'll push me over the edge every single time. If that's something that she does, I'd make sure that she helps you out and stops moving when you need her too.

I also think that it's something that will eventually solve itself. Over time you should be able to get used to the sensations and I think that you will eventually find that you can control yourself better.

You could try masturbating by yourself more. That will take the edge off your desire to orgasm a little bit when you do have sex with her later in the day. Of course, if it affects your desire to have sex with her then you might reconsider it!

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