Kinky-shy in relationships...
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| Sun, 05-06-2007 - 3:18pm |
When my guy and I got together a little over two years ago we were like rabbits and having sex practically everyday. After a month or so my sex drive started to diminish and it just got worse as time went on. I realized part of my problem is that as we got more serious I wanted to have that 'sexy sex' less and less. So it's gotten boring because all I'm really able to do is him ontop or me ontop without feeling completely embarrassed and not into it. I feel like if we did anything crazy it would be too much like a cheap porno and I don't want my sex life to be like that when I'm in a deep relationship with someone
Recently my sex drive has gone up .. but it's not really physical. It's more of a .. I really want to make love. My guy is perfectly okay with all the love making, but he'd like some variety too.
I guess I'm coming here to ask because I'm only 18 and never really had a woman-figure to talk to about this kind of stuff.
So I was wondering if anyone else had this problem or is having it?
Do you think it's okay to have two types of sex in a relationship? Love making and sex?
Is there any advice anyone can give me to put some variety into it without it getting too kinky?
Thanks in advance!
Koz

Hi Koz and welcome to the board.
For many people, if they are 'in love' with their partner, they term any type of sex together as "making love".
I'm 44 and I've been married for nearly 16 years. Sometimes we have nice, romantic, gentle love making sessions. Other times, we have fun, eventful sexual encounters. It's essential to mix it up, keep it fresh and exciting. We already know we are committed to each other, in love with each other, and we often express that through passion -- the more erotic the better.
I think variety is necessary in a relationship. Any type of sex can become boring and routine if you allow it to be that way. I'm not sure why you are feeling embarrassed. I'm also not sure why you are comparing your sex life to the possibility of a porno. I'm putting a couple of articles here for you to read. I hope you will look at them.
5 Things That Can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html
Boost Your Body Image in the Bedroom
http://diet.ivillage.com/motivate/mimage/0,,Jessica%20Weiner_b77pvv7g,00.html
Banish Sexual Boredom
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexinthemood/0,,drpatti_1kkm,00.html
Arousing Alternatives to the Missionary Position
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drpatti_34s,00.html
Hot Tips for Woman On Top
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drpatti_72j6,00.html
I hope you decide to stick around. I think learning about sex and thinking about sex are also beneficial to your outlook on sex. Remember, no one else is with the two of you when you are having sex. If you're committed, then it should be that much easier to be relaxed. Both of you should be able to communicate your needs and desires without fear that you will be judged. Sharing in making your partner sexually satisfied is very rewarding, and strengthens the bond between the two of you. Of course, you need to feel comfortable doing what is suggested, so you both may discover things that are outside of your comfort zone. Talking with each other and reaching a compromise is usually the best way to approach such a situation.
my partner in the siggy exchange
Edited 5/6/2007 5:22 pm ET by cl-misty_mae
First of all, what are you embarrassed about?
Yes you can have to types of sex.
To be honest there's times when I just want sex!
Don't be shy! Love making is great and it can be crazy to.
Don't compare your selves to a porn because you have a relationship.
They don't so it's not the same at all. Wild crazy sex is a blast.
Who said it's not making love.
Let your hair down! Have fun with it!
You got to live it up girl. Let your dirty thoughts come out.
Don't be shy. Sex is much greater when you go with the flow.
Kareese
That was some good advice! I kept mine short I'm glad I did because
I think you said it perfectly!
Kareese.