Kissing After Oral
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| Sat, 04-28-2007 - 7:35pm |
My boyfriend and I just started becoming intimate, and after the first time I gave him oral I realized that he was avoiding my kiss afterward. (Btw he didn't finish, we had moved on to sex) I didn't really think much about it, but the second time he told me that he absolutely can't stand kissing someone after they have gone down on him, and he never has been able to do it. This really shocked me, I do understand that everyone is different, but there has never been a man who didn't shy away from kissing me afterwards, even if they had finished in my mouth. And I've since realized that this really bothers me -- as in you are too good to taste it but you have no qualms about me going down on you. For the record, I don't have a problem with kissing a guy who has gone down on me. It isn't my favorite thing to do, but I think it is a sign of respect to do it (well, if it makes you sick or something then clearly that is another issue, but in my case it's not the best, but not horrible either). And it is an intimate thing.
So at this point I don't know what to do. Of course I don't want to push him into something he doesn't like, but at the same time I feel weird after giving him oral now -- sort of like that I am 'tainted' afterwards. And if I use oral in foreplay that basically means we'll be having sex without kissing -- which really takes the intimacy out of it. I guess the other option is that I go down on him, take the time out to brush my teeth, and then continue on with sex?! I really do enjoy giving oral to someone I care about, because it is such an intimate thing and I enjoy the idea of giving him so much pleasure. Now however, I have no desire to do it.
How do we move forward from this? Right now I've just stopped giving him oral entirely, but that doesn't seem like the answer. And I truly don't want him to feel pressured into kissing me afterwards, that isn't my motivation either -- i.e. I am not withholding it from him until he caves. Now if I did kiss him afterwards all I would be thinking of is that he is disgusted by it.
Any advice? My fear is that this is a sexual compatibility issue, and might really start affecting our relationship.

Welcome to the board maroon413.
I would ask him what he objects to. If he didn't finish in your mouth, then there will be very little taste of "him" should he kiss you. Also, he may be willing to kiss you "later", after your mouth has cleansed itself.
I don't necessarily feel it is disrespectful of you for him to not want to taste himself. Think of it this way, you are into giving him (or a guy) oral sex -- but would you feel the same about giving a female oral sex? I think some people associate the kissing after oral with sexual orientation. While the two are not connected, some people have hangups about it.
This is already affecting your sexual relationship, so it is important to talk with him about this. It may be that he has no interest in changing, and will never consider it. It may also be that with a reassuring talk from you, he's willing to give it a try.
Good luck, and let us know how things go.
Hi maroon413,
Let me give you my opinion as a guy.
I don't see, and never have, the issue. When my DW goes down on me, and she does it very well, 9 out of 10 times I always kiss her for quite awhile, and play with her, before returning the favor. I could see if you had gone down on another guy and then went to kiss your boyfriend, but it's not the case.
just my 2 cents
my partner in the siggy exchange
Hi misty-mae,
thanks. lots of good discussions here.
P