Kissing After Oral

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Kissing After Oral
7
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 7:35pm

My boyfriend and I just started becoming intimate, and after the first time I gave him oral I realized that he was avoiding my kiss afterward. (Btw he didn't finish, we had moved on to sex) I didn't really think much about it, but the second time he told me that he absolutely can't stand kissing someone after they have gone down on him, and he never has been able to do it. This really shocked me, I do understand that everyone is different, but there has never been a man who didn't shy away from kissing me afterwards, even if they had finished in my mouth. And I've since realized that this really bothers me -- as in you are too good to taste it but you have no qualms about me going down on you. For the record, I don't have a problem with kissing a guy who has gone down on me. It isn't my favorite thing to do, but I think it is a sign of respect to do it (well, if it makes you sick or something then clearly that is another issue, but in my case it's not the best, but not horrible either). And it is an intimate thing.

So at this point I don't know what to do. Of course I don't want to push him into something he doesn't like, but at the same time I feel weird after giving him oral now -- sort of like that I am 'tainted' afterwards. And if I use oral in foreplay that basically means we'll be having sex without kissing -- which really takes the intimacy out of it. I guess the other option is that I go down on him, take the time out to brush my teeth, and then continue on with sex?! I really do enjoy giving oral to someone I care about, because it is such an intimate thing and I enjoy the idea of giving him so much pleasure. Now however, I have no desire to do it.

How do we move forward from this? Right now I've just stopped giving him oral entirely, but that doesn't seem like the answer. And I truly don't want him to feel pressured into kissing me afterwards, that isn't my motivation either -- i.e. I am not withholding it from him until he caves. Now if I did kiss him afterwards all I would be thinking of is that he is disgusted by it.

Any advice? My fear is that this is a sexual compatibility issue, and might really start affecting our relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 8:46am
Hi. Would it bother you to rinse your mouth with some listerine, the antiseptic bronze kind, after you give him oral? I think completely brushing your teeth is unnecessary.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:13am

Welcome to the board maroon413.

I would ask him what he objects to. If he didn't finish in your mouth, then there will be very little taste of "him" should he kiss you. Also, he may be willing to kiss you "later", after your mouth has cleansed itself.

I don't necessarily feel it is disrespectful of you for him to not want to taste himself. Think of it this way, you are into giving him (or a guy) oral sex -- but would you feel the same about giving a female oral sex? I think some people associate the kissing after oral with sexual orientation. While the two are not connected, some people have hangups about it.

This is already affecting your sexual relationship, so it is important to talk with him about this. It may be that he has no interest in changing, and will never consider it. It may also be that with a reassuring talk from you, he's willing to give it a try.

Good luck, and let us know how things go.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 2:31pm

Hi maroon413,

Let me give you my opinion as a guy.

I don't see, and never have, the issue. When my DW goes down on me, and she does it very well, 9 out of 10 times I always kiss her for quite awhile, and play with her, before returning the favor. I could see if you had gone down on another guy and then went to kiss your boyfriend, but it's not the case.

just my 2 cents

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:23pm
Thanks for joining in palges40, and welcome to the board.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2006
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 10:55am

Hi misty-mae,

thanks. lots of good discussions here.

P

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 9:54pm
i have had this exact problem with a guy i was living with once. so what we did was to incorporate foodplay when we want to do oral sex. anyways, when we want to engage in oral sex we would always wash up first. yes, sounds all too rigid but actually no. sometimes it happens when one of us just came our from a shower. oral sex does not always have to be reciprocated. i too wuld not want him to eat me if i am not fresh. otherwise, after kissing and fondling we would just bring ourselves into the washroom and wash each other down there and proceed back to the bed and continue. just part of the foreplay. and when we really want to do a long session with oral foreplay we include foodplay. so after i go down on him we play with food and then drinks and he's alright with kissing me after i had something else put in my mouth **rolleyes** but it doesn't matter coz it worked. and it is also much pleasant when after eating me he kisses me coz the food or drink we had would wash my taste of him coz i don't really like it either. i also find that to drink something along the way during a prolonged sex/foreplay makes kissing better. i don't know how to explain it but just make it part of your lovemaking - the food/drink. and yes, you should not feel disprespectful or anything coz it's an individual thing. either you can or can't. don't judge. and don't force. just work around it an enjoy. it's not like it's a really big deal that'll break or make the relationship. good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 4:48pm
My 2 cents....the answers to most questions regarding sex is "it all depends." I learned long ago everyone is very different sexually. We all like and want different things. Personally I like to kiss after oral (both giving and receiving). However, I dated some women who did not like to kiss after oral. Some liked it. Your boyfriend might be one who doesn't like it.