lac of respect for sex...!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
lac of respect for sex...!
21
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 9:20pm
Why do people find it so easy to have sex??

Sex should be between two people who LOVE each other shouldn't it?????

I can't comprehend the idea of having 10, 20, 30 sexual partners..I'm really not trrying to criticise but I really don't understand how people put the emotional component to sex on the back burner..

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 9:42pm
Hmmmmm. I'm trying to think how I can put this without sounding a bit harsh...

You say "A lack of respect for sex".

I say "Why should sex itself be treated with respect?"

Sex at it's most basic, is only the physical act of putting a penis into a vagina. Anyone can do that. And plenty do.

I think that it's more important to think about the interaction between the two people involved. I think if you genuinely respect the person that you are having sex with then there is nothing wrong with how many partners you end up having or how soon into a relationship you have sex.

For example, I have had over twenty partners. I can honestly say that the sex we had was mutually agreed upon and I did not take unfair advantage of anyone and I did not 'disrespect' any one of those women at any time. In fact, with most of them my intentions were for a long-term relationship if it was possible and I never pressured any of those women for sex. Being a fairly passive sort of guy most of the time, the sex was definitely initiated by the woman in the first place.

Just because the people involved had a different criteria for the length of time before having sex with a new partner doesn't mean that there was a lack of respect about ANYTHING in those relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 10:30pm
Your absolutely right. Sex is primal etc.

But it was primal before the equality between men and women became apparent. Before, when men and women lived in jungles and needed to produce offspring for the sake of survival and all of that, emotions weren't the centre of the meaning of sex. But we're civilized, communicative beings and emotions are apart of our existance. I'm not implying that people who have multiple partners are disrespecting them or disregarding their emotions, but if you're having sex with all these people..and it becomes JUST sex..doesn't it lose it's significance if you're going around just having sex whenever you meet someone you like?

I'm honestly curious, I don't mean this in a bad way at all btw.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 10:53pm
>>doesn't it lose it's significance if you're going around just having sex whenever you meet someone you like? <<

Yes and no. Sex with someone you don't know all that well or a FWB thing is "just sex". There is no emotional happening during it - and yes, it can leave one feeling rather flat.

However, when you have sex with someone you really love, it puts all that not so great sex into perspective. No matter how many partners you've had, sex with Mr/Ms Right is simply wonderful and is very significant.

And for the record, sometimes it takes a few Mr/Ms Rights before you find that perfect one. Not everyone is lucky enough to find that special someone straight away.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 11:02pm
I can only speak for myself, of course. In some cases I think that being promiscuous CAN be a bad thing.

I don't think that sex looses it's importance at all for me. I'm not generally the kinda guy that can just 'have sex' with someone and that's that. Although I've had them, I've never been one that's been terribly comfortable with things like one night stands.

Certainly I'm pretty relaxed with sex and things sexual in general. My opinions and thoughts about it are fairly open and I can appreciate other points of view. But I don't think that being able to have sex easily (for want of a better word) detracts from it.

I think that it's the greater intimacy and stronger emotions that develop when you are in love with someone as opposed to being just attracted to someone that makes sex better.

I can have good, even great sex with someone that I really like, but the best sex develops with someone that you love and that's not because of the physical act being any better. It's the relationship that should be respected.

Bizzarely enough, perhaps being able to have sex easily enhances the sexual relationship because I am better at sex because of it, and I can appreciate and develop a better sex life with someone that I am truly involved with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 11:55pm
I agree fully with what Westridge writes.

Especially the paragraph >>Bizzarely enough, perhaps being able to have sex easily enhances the sexual relationship because I am better at sex because of it, and I can appreciate and develop a better sex life with someone that I am truly involved with.<<

I also consider myself to be a better lover because of my experiences. I'm confident and self assured in the bedroom - two qualities which I believe make for a good lover. I've also experienced a range of "what men like" and so am more able to anticipate or guess their needs. I also have a good idea of what "good sex" entails - so I can quickly recognise when I'm onto a bad thing and get outta there.

Because of these qualities, I can quickly recognise someone who will be a great lover and partner. And hopefully, my experiences will make me a good one in return.

I can say one thing thanks to my experiences. When I read all the sexual issues people have, I'm grateful that I've had enough relationship experience to not land in a similar situation. I've learned that a good relationship and a good partnership is not complicated. If it's complicated and leaves me confused - then it's not meant to be.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:16am
Just another thought....have you considered our ages?

I'm 37 and have been sexually active for 22 years. Yet, I've had less than 20 lovers. That's an average of less than one different partner per year. It's really not that many if you put it into perspective.

However, if a person who has had 20 partners was your age - or similar - I could far more easily understand being shocked at such numbers.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 7:44am

<>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 11:24am
Well honestly, I'm not thinking about age. I'm assuming people who do this are adults who make their own decisions and are responsible for themselves etc. Being 18 years old to 80 whatever the case lol.

My question for you and West..you say having all those experiences has made you better sexually speaking..BUT..why is it that you had to have those experiences to get better with random people (I'm just saying random because we can't sit here and categorize all the people you've ever slept with)...if you care about someone and love them and you're having sex..why can't you get better that way?? Why did you have to improve yourself with people that carry very little if none, importance in your life?

I'm playing devils advocate a bit here I know, but I just want to gain some insight. You know when YOU, yourself, know you could never do something but are curious as to how others do?..kinda like that...

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:21pm
Shoegal, people have different values and ethics. As far as sex goes they have a different attitude. Some people are comfortable reducing sex to nothing more than a handshake with an orgasm. Some people see sex as something to be shared only with someone they care deeply about. No one can say if its right or wrong, only that it is for them or it isnt. One thing is for sure.. as long as you limit your sexual partners to people you have real relationships with, you are unlikely to have a man/woman shy away from you because of your past sexual history.(it does happen) Many people want mates who share the same value system.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:01pm

<<case>>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Pages