ladies i need your help
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ladies i need your help
| Tue, 01-15-2008 - 7:19pm |
ok heres the lay out. my girl friend use to have sex almost everyday for the first 4-6 months of our relationship. and weve been dating for a year almost. and then the sex started gettin more scarce, it went to every day to 3-4 times a week, then it went to once or twice a week. and now it has come to an ABRUPT HAULT, and i guess that im kinda upset about it. i try askin her, "how come we dont have sex like we use too" and then she always says I dont know. and she lets me know when she "gets hers" but i know she dont everytime. and idk maybe i ask for it too much, but i rarely ask for it because i know what the answer is. and she told me a few days ago that at first shes in the mood, and when were in the middle of it shes just on the i dont care mood. and i dont think shes cheatin on me, cuz i know the sayin, if he/she dont get it from you theyll get it from someone else. so ladies i need your input. please

For one thing, it almost never stays as frequent as it was in the beginning.
Is she on birth control? If so, has the birth control changed since the two of you have been together? Hormonal BC is well-known for zapping libido in many. If that's the case (like she's on the pill, depo, etc.), then she may need to experiment with different kinds (brands) to find one that works better for her.
As Sakura said, problems inside of the bedroom often begin outside of the bedroom. Are you making her feel special in other ways? Does she think that every time you get close to her it is because you want to have sex? It's likely that at the beginning of your relationship, all of your interactions together were part of foreplay. While the frequency of sex often does change, the quality doesn't. It sounds like she's not into it, but the reasons for that could be many. Does she have a lot of stress, is she feeling secure about the relationship, does she use hormonal BC or other medications, does she suffer from depression, etc. Try taking yourself out of 'horny guy' mode and take a look at the big picture. Think about what you see and if there's anything you could change to improve the relationship in general.
All people have fluctuations in their libido from time to time. There isn't always an apparent answer as to how to improve it, but statistics do show the more you have sex, the more you want to have sex. Ultimately, her sexual satisfaction and whether or not she has an orgasm is up to her. Pressuring her about why she may not be having an orgasm will normally feed into the process of her not having orgasms. If you want to talk to her about what's going on, it definitely has to be out of concern for her -- not because it's affecting you. One way to make sure the conversation stays focused on her is to say things like "I worry about your happiness" or "I wonder if there is any thing I can do that would be more satisfying for you". Saying things like "you never want to have sex anymore" or "you don't get off, why?" will keep her from opening up about. She may need to find her own way to work through whatever is going on.
Some couples find fun ways to work through such problems. They might schedule date nights where both people know there will be sex. You can also do things like put various sexual positions, places, or fantasies on pieces of paper and place them in a jar. Whenever you both agree to, pull a slip from the jar and do whatever it says. Depending on how the two of you feel about porn, you could also try watching porn together to heat things up. Reading erotica together, introducing sex toys, sharing your fantasies, etc. can all be things that help in the bedroom. Often women are shy about opening up sexually, but usually if the guy takes the lead (and perhaps steps outside of his comfort zone), it will be very stimulating for her and help her to open up.
Is there a chance that the two of you can get away for a weekend together? Sometimes getting away from the distractions of everyday life can do a world of good while also helping you reconnect with each other.
Help me Have **1,000** Nights of Great Sex!