Ladies, I'm a confused male.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Ladies, I'm a confused male.
13
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:11am
Time and again on this board, women say that their major sex organ is their brain or heart, or they need emotion to enjoy sex, they wouldn't go out with a male escort because there's no emotion or connection, etc. Numerous other posts are about sex toys and masturbation and the pleasure they bring, which doesn't exactly suggest a relationship. This looks to me like two differnt responses to sexual pleasure which tend to contradict each other. Why would a real live penis attached to a real live man, even if not emotional, leave you without pleasure, while a plastic one can get you to an orgasm?

A confused male (insert joke here) wants to know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:23am
because during masturbation us females are expert at bringing ourselves sexual pleasure and orgasm and a "real live man" who is a stranger to us is NOT an expert with our individual pleasure buttons and so, its been *my* experience that sex with a stranger is totally frustrating and unsatisfying....to me its not soo much the lack of emotional bonding with a strange man such as an escort, it is mainly he would be unfamiliar with MY pleasure zones and totally clueless as to what pleases ME and i have zero interest in wasting my time that way.....of course its a no-brainer that on my own i can bring myself to orgasm easily.

hope this helps explain why escort/stranger sex is not something i am interested in.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:24am
Because a woman knows her body better than any random penis would, we know what kind of attention we will lead us to an orgasm. Much more efficient.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:38am

For me, I do need the emotional bond to have sex with a person.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:04am
I just posted a reverse question up above.
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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:13am
Because most of us already have an emotional relationship with ourselves, and that's who is making love to us with masturbation!!! I also don't have to teach myself how to please me and I can trust myself not to hurt me emotionally or physically. Those things are not a given with any random male I might have sex with.


Edited 5/3/2004 10:17 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:27am
I wouldn't patronize a male escort because I couldn't enjoy sex(of any sort) with someone who had to service me, and may even despise what they do.


Avatar for leticiaf
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 1:04pm
I would think *most* women would want emotion, but I don't think it's always necessary. Look at all the FWB situations. I think it depends on the individual, and each situation. Sometimes if DH has been distant, it's harder to get into the mood for sex. But, there are also times when I don't care what's going on I just need sex LOL. I also think it matters where you are at in your life. I know some GF who didn't need that emotional attachment, but now they do.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 1:31pm
my 2¢ on the whole matter is this....

There is one thing about climaxing and there is another about having fulfilling sexual relations with the guy that you love...

yea... women like to cum, just like guys do. But I DON'T HAVE TO climax for it to be fulfilling if I am with my bf. There is a bond between us that cannot be matched by anything, one night stands, sex without feelings, toys... none of it compares to having sex with him because I love him. climaxing is good, sex with my bf is great, climaxing whiel having sex with him is amazing... it is all good, just at different levels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 3:02pm
I have a problem with one of the posts. FWB situation does have a certain level of emotional connection to it. You are already friends, so what makes sex bad between you, nothing. There is nothing wrong with FWB. No one night stands are completely different and therefore it is easier to say that there are no emotional connections envolved with it. But I still think regardless of the woman, if she has a great time with sex in general, there were emotional connections made.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 6:05pm
I never thought of it that way, but you bring up a good point. I guess one could rationalize the same about masturbation... I guess the point is, with masturbation and using sex toys, it's just ourselves, and not the object. It is about pleasure and not an emotional connection.

So, you ask, why do women "not enjoy sex" when there's no connection there?

I wouldn't say that... but I think from my past experiences I've enjoyed sex MORE and gotten MUCH MUCH more out of it when I do feel connected to someone. But it isn't purely just about the emotions - it is about trying new things, being whoever you are and trusting your partner. The comfort makes it so much better.

With regards again to the toys vs a man - again that's just masturbation and it involves just us. :-) So no problems with connections on that one.

Great question though.

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