Ladies, Why one night stands?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Ladies, Why one night stands?
17
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 9:09am
What is in it for women when they have a one night stand? Do you do it for the fun and the thrill of new sex? Are you trying to bury emotions of a past bad break up? Does it ever leave you feeling empowered, or does it sometimes leave you a little blue? In college , do you remember the "walk of shame?"

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 9:57pm
During the 5 years that I was divorced I had a few one night stands. Sometimes it was because I was lonely and needed intimacy, sometimes I just did it for "kicks", and sometimes I needed to feel desirable and sexy. Most of the time I hoped it wouldn't be a one-nighter but would lead to something more substantial. I generally found the encounters to be unfulfilling and leaving me feeling bad. I soon found that I could get validation of my desirabilty and sexiness without having sex. I learned that sex and intimacy are not the same thing. And the "kicks" weren't what I thought it would be. Ali
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 10:22pm
Don't know, never had one. What's in it for the men though? I imagine the various answers you'd get would be the same as from women.


Edited 7/18/2004 10:23 pm ET ET by tally33
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 10:27pm
How old are you, if you don't mind my asking...? I'm just surprised to discover that you might be in your late 60s, when many of your posts have indicated (somehow) that you're younger. (No offense to Jo either, lol)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 8:07am
**bump**
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:58am
Sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully the seperation is a sign of hope as compared to divorce.

I'm curious only, okay?, but I'm wondering if you, and any others who feel the same as you indicated, would still feel just as accepted if you discovered that (and this is all hypothetical of course) the one-night-stand partner was very active with many others anyway. Would that still turn you away from that particular, person/opportunity, or would the 'skin' desire still be pretty strong??

Forgive me please for being so curious, but I've heard similar responses from our younger generation that we use to mentor and I'm wondering what point of view I might have been missing.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 11:59am
Ok- Well, I have had a couple fling/short term situations where i got involved physically much more quickly than I would normally...For example I met a guy at a bar, we ended up hanging out literally all night and I brought him back to my place (a practice i do NOT endorse and did receive a good talking to from girlfriends about how DUMB that is and not something I do anymore.)...

Why did I do that? like a dumb girl i REALLY kind of thought i stumbled into a 'something' with that guy and we DID go out a couple more times after that...but it wasn't the 'something' i thought it was...it had a LOT to do with feeling wanted....and, like GTB said...because i COULD. I was sexually safe about it- no IC or oral.

I did also have a totally traditional one night stand once...it was fun at the time (and we were safe), and in that case it was totally about lonliness, he was SUPER hot- was into me and I was up for it. I just wanted someone to share my bed with- knowing it was just going to be that one night! And that one night was after a year of no sex and ultimately I felt pretty gross about it later...frankly I'm better than that...I waited 2 years before really getting involved with anyone after that...I realized that doing that was pointing to other things I had to work on about myself first...

OH- and WALK OF SHAME??? that's SOOO not an out of date term...I'm in my 20's (albeit late 20's), but that concept was alive and well on my college campus and i'm VERY pleased to say I never had to do it...altho nothing gave me more pleasure than watching it go on!!

Baby Names - BabyNamey.com Name Badge Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 8:08am
The "skin hunger" would still be pretty strong. What might keep me from going through with it is the fear of an STD.

Pages