lasted one minute-maybe

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
lasted one minute-maybe
12
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 2:28pm
I am new to this board and had a quick question about the guy that I have been dating. This past weekend we decided to take the next step in our relationship and have sex. The foreplay was amazing and actually everything was up until the point where we actually started having intercourse. He lasted not even a minute. I didn't have a problem with it because I know that things happen sometimes. But he was extremely embarrassed!! I asked him if this always happens and he said not normally. But about 5 months ago he had a one night fling and it happened then. Of course after this happened I had problems letting myself climax. Is there a reason why this is happening? Is there anything I can do to make him last longer?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 2:37pm

If the guy hasn't had sex in 5 months........and it was the first time for the two of you, he was NERVOUS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 4:53pm
Thank you for the advice. He was the one that mentioned that he was embarrassed. I brushed it off because I realize that it does happen. Then we got to talking about it and that's when I asked if it happened often. Later on that night after we had sex the first time I wanted more. I practically had to beg him for it. I know that he was probably self-conscience but I didn't want him to think that it was a big deal to me. I think the weirdest part was that I didn't even know he had climaxed...no signs what-so-ever. Can u give me any info on that? Normally you can tell if a guy has. The only reason I knew he did is because he told me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 9:54pm

Hi Maggie, and welcome to the board.

Since this is a new relationship, I think the best advice is to give everything a bit of time and see if it doesn't work itself out. He's going to be embarrassed if things aren't working as he would like them to, and he's going to let you know that if he thinks he has let you down.

Here's an article you might find helpful as well:

Out of Order: Your Guy's Performance Problems
How to react in a way that will help resolve the issues
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_bq929plg,00.html?nlcid=ls|06-28-2007|

As far as knowing if a guy has climaxed, there are signs you can look for, but they're not going to always be there. Getting to know your lover and how he reacts is what will help you to know when he has climaxed. It sounds like this all happened too fast for him, and he probably was worried that he either wouldn't be able to perform again, or he would finish too quickly again.

You said "I practically had to beg him for it." What was his reaction to that? Did things go better the second time?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 9:45am
As far as his reaction goes u could tell he wanted to do it again but I think he was nervous that it would happen again. The second time it lasted a little longer but not much. He is from Holland and has only been in America for 1 1/2 years and I am the first American girl that he has ever dated or been with. We have kind of talked about his past relationships and the main thing that I get from the conversations is that he normally takes thing very slow. Before we had sex I asked him if he was ok with it because if he wasn't we didn't have to. He said he wanted to. So I don't know if that also had something to do with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-1998
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 2:47pm

I had a couple thoughts that my help.

It sounds like he is not very experienced. Once he get over the newness of the experience that may help. In the mean time, there are two things that may slow him down. Increase the lubrication level by using Astroglide(or similar). This will decrease friction and feeling on the glans. The second thing you could try is a position/technique change. You want to decrease the deep strokes and increase the pelvic grinding. This will usually give you more clitoral stimulation and decrease his stimulation. For example, grind on him using woman on top. Or try the CAT(coital alignment technique).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 4:03pm
I know that he has had about 4 other sex partners besides me. The last one was 5 months ago when he was back in Holland for a few weeks. He said that it happened then also. We didn't use any lubrication. He was wearing a condom. He isn't circumcised so could that have something to do with it??
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 4:26pm

Maggie, for some men the first round men have a tendency to get trigger happy. After the first shot it should be a bit longer before he shoots again. This is usaully true for most men ages 15-30. I know even with my wife of 20 years, if we go several weeks without sex I am a bit trigger happy. I have to work at it to not shoot too soon. But if we have sex a few days apart, then it take me longer and I am able to control it more.

Have fun,

Male65401

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the thingsyou didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines.Sail away from the safe harbor.Catch the trade winds in your
sails.Explore. Dream.Discover" ...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 10-23-2007 - 9:13pm
Welcome to the board pault1961, and thanks for joining in with some great suggestions.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 1:03pm
I don't know if you would be interested in trying these, but what about the new desentisizing condoms.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 3:10pm
Thanks I didn't know there was such a thing. I think that we will have to try them. Would it be wrong of me not to tell him about them and just play it off as a regular condom??

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