Let's see what you all have to say...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
Let's see what you all have to say...
7
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:06pm
Alright, I've been posting around in some other spots on the boards and not really getting what I was hoping for. Everyone has been nice and I have gotten a couple of friendly notes, but maybe this is the board with the really frank talkers who aren't too embarassed to share. Here's the situation...my bf is Army reserves and on June first he got activated for school and sent to GA for almost 5 months. We live in CA and since he has no leave time during school and I'm new to a job where my schedule could change at any time and will likely be including weekends for the next several months and the cost of the flight to visit is high it is unlikely we'll get to see eachother until he comes home. We have a very active sex life and very much enjoy all the carnal pleasures two experienced consenting adults might who know themselves and there turn ons. While I certainly have gone without being intimate for longer periods of time than this will be, this is the first long distance relationship I've been in and the idea of having someone you are madly in love with and totally committed to and amazingly fufilled by who you can't physically be with is driving me a little nuts and it's only been 3 1/2 weeks! So, I know all the basics like sending erotic emails and naughty texts and steamy phone conversations, but I want to know how other people might have kept a situation like this fresh and exciting and felt connected to their partner without having contact. Also, what about when they came home? We talk almost daily and we share everything that's going in our lives so I know that our relationship is continuing to grow deeper and closer and certainly isn't only about sex, but will all the "fantasy" talk over the next 4 months change how we feel about our actual sex life? Could being erotic to keep the spice up long distance hurt us when we're back in the same bed? Will we have to relearn eachother all over again, and if we do is that even a bad thing? I guess I'm just feeling a little confused and looking for some suggestions and examples and a place to vent. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:12pm

Feel free to vent here, and to ask questions!

If you're only talking about a period of 4 months, I think that could build a lot of anticipation. While it could change your sex life, it may be a change for the better. I think it's more likely that when the two of you are together again, it will be very exciting. Those sparks can often do a relationship good.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:19pm
There certainly already is a lot of anticipation, and it hasn't even been 4 weeks! I can't imagine what it will be like 4 months from now. I know that this experience has the potential to make us that much stronger as a couple, it's also very frustrating though. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:36pm

I'm sure it is frustrating, and thankfully it is only for four months.

When DH and I made a long distance move a couple of years ago, he moved ahead of me. I was left behind to sell the house and tie things up (he got a work transfer, so he had to go when they were ready for him). I didn't deal well with the situation at all. My main difficulty was in not knowing "when" we would be back together as a family. I think it would have made a huge difference if I had a date to use as a goal. Luckily, I got a good contract on the house and was able to have family help (sit in) for the settlement. It was only one month that we all had to be apart.

Have you visited the Dating a Military Man board? I wonder if others there have already been through this sort of separation and can give you advice about what to expect. If you want to stop there, here's a link:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmildating

Another board where you might find some help is Long Distance Relationships.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rllongdistan

I know you mentioned visiting a couple of other boards, but I don't know which ones. Hopefully, between this one and those, you will get some great advice.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 10:50pm
I have tried both of those boards, and they have had some helpfull things to say about certain aspects of the situation, but no one seems to want to talk about the sex part. :) I know some people are more private and don't like to discuss that kind of thing with other people, but I'm just not really that shy I guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 6:55am
Hi Rlb, and welcome to the board. Although not quite the same situation as yours, I was in a work situation a few years ago that led to DW and I living in separate states thousands of miles apart for the better part of a year, during which we saw each other roughly once a month. What we found when I was able to move back home was not so much issues with sex as much as more general relationship issues. On the one hand we both developed an appreciation that the little things that sometimes drive us nuts about each other really are somewhat trivial, and don't matter all that much in the grand scheme of things, while we also developed an appreciation for the little things that we each do for each other that say *I love you*, such as me bringing her a cup of coffee in bed each morning or jumping in to take care of something that I can see needs doing without being asked, even if it might technically be one of *her* tasks. OTOH, living apart for so long we also both got very used to being able to do and plan things independently without having to check in with anyone, and we found it hard to adjust to having to do that again. We also found that there was a lot of baggage associated with the reunion itself, in that we both greatly looked forward to it and were hoping and expecting it to be special, and when the reality failed to live up to those expectations it was somewhat of a letdown for both of us. After the initial rush of the reunion, and being able to have sex once again in our own bed, we both found ourselves walking around in a funk for roughly 2 weeks, which led to a huge blow-up. This, in turn, led to the airing of a lot of issues, and we were able to start the conversation we needed to have, and begin the process of putting our relationship and our lives back together for real.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 6:57am
Do the two of you have webcams? That's a great way to keep in touch, sexually or otherwise, while being away for so long.


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my partner in the siggy exchange






iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:54am
Thank you so much for your insight. I was worried about the expectations we'll both have of seeing eachother again. It's good to know that it worked itself out for you. Gives me hope! :)