Letting Go???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Letting Go???
2
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 10:13am
I need a little bit of advise. I have been in several relationships with men where my sex drive starts out strong & then all of a sudden it takes a dive. I become more caught up in everyday things & just want to go to sleep rather than put forth anymore effort, but then I feel I should give in and have sex with my fiance, but emotionally I'm really not there. The whole idea of sex just becomes so blah for me...I almost want to avoid it becuase I know he wants it so bad. I know all of this sounds so horrible, but I it's true & i want to change it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:19am

Maybe you're with the wrong man! If you really care about someone, you should enjoy the intimacy of a sexual relationship. If you lose interest, you're losing interest in the man, too.

Maybe he's not satisfying you......lots of men don't have a clue. Do you ask him to do what you need and want from him so that you WILL enjoy it? If not, then start asking. He's not a mind reader, and he doesn't know he's doing something wrong, or not doing something right unless you tell him.

If you don't like sex, don't get married.....it's not going to change, it will get worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:59pm

Welcome to the board dionne.

For most people, the newness of a relationship wears off, and sex becomes less frequent. To keep your sex life alive, it does take work, especially if you don't have a very high libido to start with.

Your enjoyment of sex comes from your hormonal balance and your brain. A lot of things can mess with both of those -- stress, medications, depression, birth control pills, attraction to your partner, your moral feelings about sex, happiness within your relationship, etc. You can try to determine why your libido isn't as high as you would like it to be, and then you can address that.

You may need more from your partner as well as putting more effort in yourself. Perhaps you need more reminders throughout the day from him -- kissing, hand holding, hugs, kind words, etc. You can also make him feel special and think of sex yourself. Put special notes on the bathroom mirror or on the dash of his car, make his favorite meal, send him a naughty e-mail, etc.

Here are some links that you might find helpful:

Better Sex, Easy as 1-2-3: 20 Tips Every Couple Should Know
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drruth_r9s4,00.html

Arousal & Libido articles
http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/topics/0,,4vgl,00.html

Revive Your Sex Drive: How to Handle 10 Top Libido Killers
Take your passion off the back burner
http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/0,,9bp87snw,00.html

5 Things That Can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html

Feel free to stay here and read posts from other members too. Sometimes you can find something there that will help in your own relationship. If you have more questions as you try to rediscover your libido, this is also a great place to ask advice.



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