Libido after divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Libido after divorce.
19
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 8:11am

I was recently divorced, with it being finalized in July. Since then and during the separation my sex drive has swung wildly in both directions. Sometimes I'm really craving sex, other times I think I don't care if I ever have sex again...and this negative feeling can go on for days. I didn't want the divorce. It was very emotionally traumatic for me.

What's the experience of others who have gone through a divorce?

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 12:31am
"Bullcrap." Hand held shower heads HURT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 2:21am

>>How is that simpler and easier?<<

My understanding of the American divorce procedure is limited at best. But I was under the impression that lawyers and much filing of paper was required. With the system here one way is for both to sign a piece of paper declaring that you've been living separate lives for two years and that you are happy to dissolved the marriage. You pay $40 at the Registry Office, and you are divorced. I didn't think it comes much simpler than that. Maybe you may have that in the States too? I dunno.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 10:26am
Maybe I should just stop thinking about this, get out of the apartment and back into the dating scene and just let things happen. It would be so nice to just be naked with a woman that I like, touching and kissing and not worrying about erections and intercourse. The divorce was mentally very castrating. I should ease back into getting reacquainted with my and a partner's bodies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 9:46am

That procedure sounds simple ... but not everyone wants to be separated for two years. I wanted a divorce; not a separation. Heck, I was married again before two years was up.


The procedure here CAN be fairly simple; if the two parties involved want it to be, or let it be.


I had to "file" for divorce. One document there. Xh was sent notification. (document #2). If he didn't protest in 30 days, which he didn't, then all we had to do was prepare a settlement agreement (document #3) and a child support/custody agreement (document #4). We presented #3 and #4 to the court, the judge read it, banged his gavel and it was done. It was really pretty simple.


Even in your system, surely there has to be some division of assets ... adn if there are children involved a custody/child support agreement?

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 9:49am

No way! tThat's whey they're adjustable .. and you can adjust the water pressure too.


My hand-held was my best friend following the divorce.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 3:55pm

One of the things about my present state is coming to terms with the fact that I play with myself so much more. I was raised to think that masturbating was not something a woman did very much, let alone talked about. Now, here I am chatting about it openly on the Internet. Yes, I do enjoy the shower head, and I do other things as well. It is about the only way I can maintain my sanity.

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 5:32pm

>>Even in your system, surely there has to be some division of assets ... adn if there are children involved a custody/child support agreement?<<

Not if everyone is happy with the two year separation/uncontested divorce method as already mentioned. That's the simplest way of doing things and if everyone agrees with the asset splits etc then there is no reason to go to court over it. I've known many couples to have split up this way - ie. they've sold property and split the proceeds and have mutually agreed upon custody/visitation etc. No (or few) lawyers involved.

Then there is filing for divorce, like you did, where agreements have to be struck over asset splits and custody etc. I honestly haven't spent a lot of time involved in the process so I'm not sure what happens if you want a fast divorce and want to split assets etc immediately and the two of you disagree over how the splits should be made. I believe that it all has to be sorted out in the courts which is probably more or less the same process here as it is in the States. However, I think that the official divorce still takes two years though. While assets and custody can all be sorted out, you can't get that little bit of paper until two years have elapsed. I think that the original idea was to discourage quick-fire marriages and divorces - I could be wrong though. Couldn't say if it actually worked or not.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 12:52am
Disagree. Never found one that adjusted enough where I wasn't wincing.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 1:14am
Sounds like a good plan, Man. Take your time and enjoy the process.

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