Little or none existent sex life...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2008
Little or none existent sex life...
2
Thu, 02-06-2014 - 10:05am

Hi guys,

Right so myself and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, living together, hes always been self conscious, but back we started out we had sex regardless, it was fun. Now we barely have it, and if we do it, it feels forced and boring. I've discussed it with him, in fact its become a huge row as i feel unattractive and unloved.

I have tried the sexy lingerie, the attempting to be seductive, the begging for it and i either get 'i'm tired' (which is fair enough, but not all of the time!!) or a half hearted, emotionally detached, '18yr old boy' f*ck. I'd like to add also that when we do 'do it' he most of the time only finishes with doggy, i feel like he doesn't want to look at me.

I'm only 21 and him 24, NOT 90!! So please help ladies and gents!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-08-2014 - 11:58pm

Why has he "always been self conscious"?  About what?  Everyone has lots of sex in the beginning.  When did it change, or slow down?  Have you ever talked to him about it OUTSIDE the bedroom?  Has he ever had a good physical to check his hormone levels?  That could be a problem.  This has nothing to do with you......HE has some sort of problem.  Doggy style is what a lot of men like, and it has NOTHING to do with looking at you or not!  Young people seem to think that sex equals love, and nothing is further from the truth.  He claims he's tired?  Does he have a physically demanding job, or does he work long hours?

You need to sit him down and tell him that you're concerned about HIM......it's not about you.  Ask him if there's something bothering him.  Ask him if he's not sleeping well.  Ask him if he doesn't feel well.  Is he overweight or underweight?  That in itself can mess with the hormones.  Suggest that he gets a physical to be sure there's nothing wrong......but most of all, Understand that if there's a problem, it's his.......not yours, and lack of interest in sex does NOT equal lack of care or feelings. 

Sometimes it's just time to end the relationship.......things are just not going well.  Talk to him and find out what is going on.  If he refuses to talk to you, then maybe it's time for YOU to make some decisions.  Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 02-09-2014 - 8:58am

Jessjunk-

Hi. I also advise talking with your boyfriend first and see what he says. I'd give him a few weeks to fix things. However, usually, from my experience at iVillage and another discussion group, this type of issue remains a persistent source of conflict. I would get ready to end with him and find another man. As a 50 year old man, I can vouch that there are plenty of horny guys out there who don't lose their libido.