Long distance/college/work
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| Tue, 12-12-2006 - 12:02pm |
Hey everyone,
So here is my problem... My boyfriend and I have been together two years now, and we are both in college. He transferred to a new school this semester, so we've only been seeing each other about twice a month usually. When we first started dating, our sex life was great. I know that it's normal for it to cool off after we've dated so long, but with us being apart, you'd think I could at least have sex with him twice a month. The thing is, when he comes to visit me on the weekends, I always have to work 9 hour shifts on both Saturday and Sunday. And of course when I come home, he wants to have sex. After standing on my feet all day dealing with ridiculous customers, I just want to sit down and relax. There's just so many things going on in my life right now, that I have no sex drive at all but I don't know how to get him to understand. I feel bad because we hardly ever see each other, so I usually just end up having sex with him anyway. I'm only 21, and it makes me upset to think that I'm already just having sex for the sake of his enjoyment and to get it over with. But right now, I'm in my last year of school, I'm working, I have car payments and credit card bills to pay, and I'm just stressed out. And to top it off, I just found out I have endometriosis, which is another reason why I don't want to have sex, because most of the time I hurt. I don't know what it is about school, but it wears me out. I can work 70 hours a week and still have more energy and enthusiasm than I do when I'm attending classes 12 hours a week and working 20 hours.
So I guess my question is, after I gave you my life story, is there any way to communicate how I feel to my boyfriend? I love him, and I want to be there for him in every way, but I feel like I'm stuck in a rut right now. And I don't want this to establish some sort of pattern for the rest of our lives.

I wouldn't worry too much about it being a pattern that sticks for the rest of your lives. Things change throughout your lives all the time and things require juggling all the time to maintain a balance. The pattern that you have now will change when you finish school. And then when you only have work to worry about another pattern of some kind will occur - and that may be a good one for a while.
My thought about school being more tiring? You have the mental exhaustion with the study, and work, while physical, doesn't require quite the same mental energy. By the way, the endo can have a considerable effect on your health and fitness. That may be another reason that you are feeling tired and less interested in sex. The pain alone can make sex very unappealing. Have you told your b/f about this? Does he understand that problem? On the bright side, there are many things that can be done to help with endo these days.
You have to talk to him and explain how you feel. Between the two of you you have to figure out ways that you can both get what you want and need out of the relationship. That may mean that he has to reschedule sex with you so that you can get some rest before having sex. He may need to consider giving you more time and TLC before he jumps you. You may have to consider sacrificing some financial rewards to ensure that you have more time to spend with him and are able to contribute equally in the relationship. Perhaps you can find a job that is one day a weekend or is more flexible than the one that you have now. Sometimes you just *can't* juggle a relationship and a job and something will give. In your case you want the relationship to survive so it will have to be the job.