Loosing Virginity Before Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2005
Loosing Virginity Before Marriage
21
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 11:24pm
I come from a very tight family were morality is very important and loosing virginity before marriage would be very sinful and unmoral. They believe that once a girl looses their virginity, no other guy would take her siriously. I don't believe in many of these ideas, however I'm scared to loose my virginity before getting married because many of this ideas are stuck in my head. I don't know what to think. I just feel that if thinks don't work out no other guy is going to take me siriously. I just want your opinions on what you think about virginity and marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 5:29pm
Like Mancreature I have also been married twice, and neither of the women I married were virgins. Furthermore, neither was I when I married the first time. I had relationships prior to getting married and most of them I was serious with. So the virginity matter was never an issue. We live in a different time where it is almost expected that a young lady will have sexual experiences before marriage, and when one remains a virgin until marriage is a surprise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 11:58pm

Hi kiky! You share the same feelings/worries with more guys & gals than we may realize. In case you haven't visited there yet, here's a link to quite the board, if I do say so myself, thats actually VERY well suited for this, and they're GREAT supporters too:

Let's Talk About Virginity
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlchaste

This doesn't speak for everyone else of course, but either I hold Biblical values sacred, or I don't. We all have our own beliefs of what is and isn't moral, and then there's the Biblical view, thats the way I see it, its not law or anything.

When it comes to guys not taking a non-virgin young woman seriously, I wouldn't fall for it unless the comment was directed at those guys who hold strong to those values. I just don't see how that comment was realistically directed to guys , because too many couples out there have proven against that.

Hope this board helped a little. The Mrs. & I definitely support the type of choice, but its all up to you. :)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 2:54pm

Boy, talk about being on the same page. Well, i'm the man... who you are probably worried about. And guess what, yes, i am worried. See, i just met a lady, she is 27, really like her. After 2 months of dating, she told me she lost her virginity at 21. Well, yes, probably, most men would be OK with it (i can only guess... honestly, who knows right). But you see, i'm different. Well, first of all, i really believe in saving it before marriage. Not just because the Bible says so.. i just feel it.. deep inside... as a being.. that is something i want to give to my wife... it is my wedding day present to her. I will only give it to the lady i wed. And yes, i'm 32.. and yes.. that is rare... call it what you want.. but it just IS.

When she told me... oh man... the world came to and end... honest.. i got sick.. my stomach hurt for 3 days straight.. i had honestly thought i found her.. the ONE... Now... i'm so confused... i have read the internet back and forth (that's how i got to read your message.. did a Google)... but still, i cannot get over the fact that she has given herself.. that which i value so much ... to another. Now, if i were not a virgin male, maybe i would value it differently and not be picky (beggars can't be choosers). But since i am, i wonder, isn't it only natural for me to ask for the same thing in a woman?

I can tell you, i am struggling with it.. it has been a month now.. and i still don't have an answer.. that is probably not a good sign.

Well, here it is from a guy who is on the receiving end. Hope that helps... just know, that yes, premarital sex can definitely, in a real way, put a tail spin on a future relationship. IT IS DOING THAT AS I TYPE THIS... TO ME. Forget religion, forget morality... it is a human feeling... even if i was raised in a jungle.. i think i would have these sickening feelings about it.. Trust me.. I KNOW.. I CAN FEEL IT and seem to have little control over it... i want so bad to love her again like i used to.. but i don't know if i can anymore.

Best of Luck In All You Do

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 3:14pm

Welcome to the board Sincereman and I hope you enjoy it here.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Thu, 06-09-2005 - 4:53pm
I think virginity should be saved for love..Not the "Oh, Johnny loves me because the flower petals tell me so love!" Not the teenager "me so horny" love. I'm talking about the love that you honestly feel right down to your toes. The loves that just conquers all-that no matter what catastrophic event happens, you two still love eachother and are still sticking it out.
If you have sex before marriage (which I did), it doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean you are damaged goods. And, this isn't the 1500s where a man won't want you if you aren't intact. This is the 21st century where anything practically goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sun, 06-12-2005 - 10:59am

Hi sincereman:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 8:54am

hi Tish...I normally agree with you @100% of the time..you are a very honest, insightful, and intelligent woman..but I will disagree with just one of your last comments..

You said" it doesn't mean their values or morals are wrong or that they have less morals than a virgin."
If you are talking from a religious point of view (morals are often religious based)then they are less moral and are of a different value system if they have sex before marriage.
(I believe the poster was talking from a religious point of view)
Now, Im talking from purely a value system based on most religions...
Right and wrong ,as far as society values go, are normally different than a religious point of view.
Im sure ,in these times, most men (Im one of them) do not expect their women to be a vigin at marriage....as a matter of fact, Im a believer of "driving" a car before I buy it, and Im sure lots of women feel the same way....I cant even imagine planning a future with a person and not knowing them sexually..Its that important to lots of people.
Not that sex IS a relationship, just as money, location of living, lifestyle,careers,and future plans are NOT the relationship, but they are all important in their own ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 9:41am

No, I wasn't talking about religious morals, I was referring to his one post that said <<< TO ME. Forget religion, forget morality... it is a human feeling... even if i was raised in a jungle.. i think i would have these sickening feelings about it>>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 2:07am
Well I am a Christian and I was taught by my parents and church to wait until I was married to have sex. I lost my virginity when I was 17 with my boyfriend we had been with each other for 1 1/2 years. Now we have been together for 4 years and I am so happy. The reason I chose to have sex was bc I was ready and we love each other. I feel a lot closer to him and so much more comfortable around him. I believe I did nothing wrong and I do not feel guilty. Sex is a completly natural thing to do. How could it be so wrong when it's so beautiful. If your body tells you your hungry, then you eat. It's really the same thing with sex. That's how I feel. But then this is your choice. Whatever you decide is not wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 11:39pm
I come from a VERY conservative, Eastern family. Marriage is pretty much everything in my culture. Yet, I believe that sex is equated with love. Not 'teeny-bopper' love, mind you. You don't have to be married to experience real love, and that's what I truly believe. Speaking from what I know from my culture, I can definitely understand your feelings that it bothers you that this woman who you love deeply is not a virgin; however, changing times requires changing beliefs...if this woman truly means a lot to you, then I think this situation deserves a chance. Why not sit down with her and have a serious chat about why she had sex with another man...you might find out that she was willing to give her all to a man that she loved, and that's something to love about her, not hate. As I said before, I don't see that as being just cause to let her slip through your fingers.