lurker that needs some help...

Avatar for chandlerkarleesma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
lurker that needs some help...
5
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 9:20pm
ive been married for almost 12 yrs.during the last year or so my sex drive has dropped so low-especially the last 6mths-i can deal w/out the sex.i have no desire for sex and it totally ticks my husband off. .he knows how i feel and is so irritated that i feel the way i do.is there anything i can do to try and do to get me sex drive back.im not sure why i feel the way i do.ive been working out to feel better about myself.ive been changing how i do things to make myself look better and some of that is helping alot but i still dont want sex at all!thanks for ny responses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 9:41pm

Has anything changed within the last year, besides your lack of desire, are there any relationship problems, are you on any new

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 9:58pm

Welcome out of lurkdom, chandlerkarleesma.

There are a lot of things that can affect your sex drive, from hormones to stress, medications to self-esteem. Since your doctor does know you better than we do, I would definitely suggest bringing this up with him/her. Either your gyn or your primary care should be able to ask questions, order simple blood tests, and give you some guidance.

You haven't included a lot of information about you, so it's really difficult to speculate what might be causing, but there are some steps you can take to improve it -- at least for the sake of your relationship.

Many couples find that they schedule sex, maybe once a week, and stick to the schedule. While it may not sound romantic, they usually find that once they have made a commitment to set this time aside for themselves, they start to look forward to it more and more as time goes by. Sometimes the lower libido (LL) partner starts to find their libido again, and may even begin to look forward to having sex when it's not on schedule. You and your DH shouldn't expect results overnight, but if you talk about it, and make the commitment, your situation could start to improve.

While you say you could live without sex, your spouse isn't going to be happy with that as an option. Trying to compromise can usually help both of you set realistic expectations. If you talk with your doctor, and you rule out any medical causes of your lowered libido, then talking with a counselor can also be very helpful. Ideally, couples counseling, with someone trained to deal with sexual issues would be the best choice.


Here's a link that you might also find helpful:


Have a Healthier Sex Drive (links to stuff)

http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/0,,758xksxj,00.html


We're happy to help to, so feel free to look around the other messages on the board. There are a lot of resources available, and many other posts where you might find more insight. I hope you'll keep us posted on how you're doing. We're more than happy to help you along the way.


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my partner in the siggy exchange



Edited 10/17/2007 10:04 pm ET by cl-misty_mae




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 9:44pm

Hey there!

 

Avatar for chandlerkarleesma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 12:04pm
thanks for responding.i did have a tubal miscarriage back in july.im not on any birth control- haventy been in almost 4yrs(i was on the patch last and my last baby will be 5 in jan and i never lost weight from having her since i went back on birth control after she was born).no new medications.altho when i lost the baby i ahd to have 2 methotrexate shots.i had lost 15lbs and when i had thge shots i gained 10lbs back aand now 4lbs lost again.i guess i need to call my gyno.i think alot of my problem is that im not sexually attracted to my husband anymore-hes always treating me more like i child than his wife and i dont feel like that spark is there anymore.thanks for posting again.
Avatar for chandlerkarleesma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 12:21pm
thanks for posting.i know for a while alot of my problem was that i hadnt lost my baby weight from almost 5yrs ago and i lost 15lbs from last sept to july and i got pregnant again and that ended in a tubal miscarriage and since then is when i dont really have the sex drive.i had to have 2 shots0which made me gain 10lbs back and i just lost 4lbs again.i think also alot of it is he doesnt try anything to get me in teh mood.i mean usually he says:hey b**** lets f****" or lets boink and act like monkeys-im sorry but that does nothing for me and i tell him but hes like oh well.weve alos been having alot of problems in our marriage lately-as to where neither of us are happy.he says i dont try but i try as hard as i can-but then like i said he treats me like a child more than his wife.we try and have sex like on sunday evening after teh kids go to bed.but it seems like if we do then when i get off from work mon-thurs-he calls me and tells me not to work out or do my errands that i do and to come