major decrease in sexual stamina

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
major decrease in sexual stamina
8
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 11:17pm
i have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. when we first started having sex, it was great for both of us. now, for the past year, year and a half, i just haven't really been interested in sex. my boyfriend is getting frustrated with this and i get frustrated with him every time he asks me when the next time we'll have sex is. is there some sort of issue with me for not being interested in sex anymore? variety in our sex life doesnt really seem to help either. what can i do to fix this and make my man happy again? i would love to know what is wrong and how i can fix it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:59pm

What you're talking about is your "sex drive" or "libido".....not "stamina". Stamina is physical strenghth, the physical ability to HAVE sex.

You've lost your interest in sex....and that's got nothing to do with stamina. The question is why? Is he not satisfying you? Is there something else going on in your relationship that makes you feel that way? Very often problems in the bedroom are caused by problems OUTSIDE the bedroom. Relationship problems, etc.

You get your libido from hormones, and from your brain. If there's a problem in your life, then you'll lose interest in sex, simple as that.

How long since you've had a physical? You could have a hormone imbalance, or some other problem that can cause your hormones to go out of balance. Are you on any new medications? Many medications affect your libido.....antidepressants being the usual culprit. Are you on an antidepressant? If so, that will kill your libido, but you can ask your doctor to try a different one.....Wellbutrin is the one that seems to have the least sexual side effects.

There is definitely a REASON you feel this way....it's up to you to figure it out, and if you can't, then see a doctor to find out if it's a medical reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 2:01pm

Are you currently on birth control? I know that once I started my birth control pills my libido went WAY down. And yes, it is VERY frustrating for both parties. There are many herbel pills/remedies that can help with this. Hot Plants is great! Also, I found that using an erotic heightener lotion (I bought mine at a sex toy party) during foreplay is a great way to get you in the mood, as long as your guy doesn't mind taking the time to use it. Hope this helps! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 3:13pm
no, the only birth control we use are condoms. thanks for the idea about what i can do. this really is frustrating for the both of us. if there is anything else that u think can help my situation, it would be great if u can let me know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 6:15pm
i think that happens to most women at some point in there relationship,this one time i failed to get wet at all when we were trying to have sex with my boyfriend we tried everything and he started to get frustrated the problem is that men don't understand it,they think you not interested in them anymore...you need to explain to your boyfriend that its not because you don't love him but its something you can't explain,maybe you have got so used to each other and so comfortable together that you have somehow lost the lust you had for him or you keep on having sex in the same place or that you take it as an obligation to have sex,any of those things could make you lose interest.i think you should look back at when you had just met him what you love about him most.what turned you on,you might even decide to play a game sleep in different room for a while and make rules that no one should go to the other ones room,forbidden things always are attractions.good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 6:48pm

The only other thing I can suggest to you is to gather up some erotic material. When I noticed my libido wasting away into nothingness..haha...I found that reading a steamy "Cosmo" article or erotic book worked as a quick fix. I'd take one into the bathroom with me during my nightly bath time and then by the time we were both ready for bed, viola!..I was in the mood! :) This might help as a quick fix if reading/viewing erotic material works for you. And it's a nice, private way of getting in the mood (I really wasn't too excited about watching porn with my fiance...so this worked much better for me) I would suggest talking to your ob/gyn about your issue too because he/she can help you find a solution too, not many people realize that. I have a friend who was actually prescribed anxiety drugs by her ob/gyn and this helped her libido return as well. I would def. try to get ahold of some Hot Plants too, like I mentioned in the other e-mail. If you have a GNC store in your area, they should have it. Please understand that this isn't a problem with YOU or with your relationship per se....I have just begun a new relationship with a great guy and I still am having this issue because of my BC pills. Good luck! Let me know how things go! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 12:19am
Hey so i was just reading the post and this whole birth control thing sounds like exactly what is happening with me...what exactly are hot plants? and can you give me more details on other things that can give me my sex drive back that won't affect the pill? thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 5:16pm

Hot Plants are herbel pills that can be taken to increase your sex drive and boost your libido. They have formulas for men and women, so be sure to check out both. Go to www.hot-plants.com to find out more info. They have ingrediant and pricing information on their site as well as some FAQ's. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 10:37pm

hah awesome! thanks...i owe you one...and so does my boyfriend, I'll let you know how they they work out for me...

-Andie