Make Lub sexy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Make Lub sexy?
10
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 1:53am
Sorry for so many post, I’m new to this whole sex thing as you all know. I have to use lube or my husband can not penetrate me no matter what. After a little foreplay he grabs the lube and starts applying it to his penis and me. I find this very frustrating and it takes a lot of time. Kida kills the moment. We end of laughing about it. It always drips on one of us wile trying to apply it, or it gets allover the sheets. We have tried using less lube, but my body soaks the stuff up, and if we don’t apply enough, during sex I get a horrible burning and tearing sensation. My question is, is there a really good lube out there? Is there a way to make applying the lube sexy? He’s in the army and on his way to Iraq. I will be able to see him for 4 days over thanksgiving. After that its Good bye for 18 – 24 months. I want the time we have together to be memorable. If you have not read any of my past post, I was a virgin when we got married. And I have not seen him since we got married. Any help would be a great thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 6:05am

Just married, I thought I'd provide a link your previous post so that other posters know where I'm coming from. It will also give them the info they need to assist you.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&msg=15857.1

>>After a little foreplay he grabs the lube and starts applying it to his penis and me.<<

Notice your use of the word "little". A "little foreplay" is exactly the reason you are not lubricating, and it's the reason you are having so much trouble with sex. You must insist that your husband slows down. It is OK to say "whoa, hang on, I'm not ready yet!!" If you really need more lube, he can always give you oral till you loosen up a little. Then when you are really, really turned on - only then proceed to intercourse.

Rather than worrying about making lube sexier to apply, it's important to get to the root of the cause...with lies with making sure you have sufficient foreplay and you learning to relax and enjoy. Lube is only a temporary solution - working on your problems will give you the solutions.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 8:01am

No need to be sorry


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 10:00am
I have to use a lubricant no matter how aroused I am or how much foreplay. It's been this way since I was 30, and even in my 20's boyfriends complained that I was too dry! So, I've tried lots of lubes and highly recommend: Liquid Silk (my favorite) - it has a little silicone in it which gives it staying power, and the best part is it feels like natural lubrication. NEVER sticky like Astroglide. I also like Eros, which is a silicone lubricant, which is very lubricating and long-lasting. It's just not as natural feeling as Liquid Silk. Another favorite is KY Long Lasting which you can apply ahead of time (it has a prefilled applicator), so you might find that is less intrusive. You can buy them at drugstore.com. My last boyfriend was also very enthusiastic about applying them liberally to himself and me. It does kill the mood for a minute, but then I try to forget about it. Hope that helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 1:29pm
A LITTLE MORE FORPLAY A LITTLE LESS LUBE. Have him go down on you orally- This usually works the best in the lube department. Not only that it sounds like you need to loosen up just a little bit and let him arrouse you. It takes alot of work before your body is ready for him to penetrate you. And one more thing- good luck with him going to Iraq. I pray everything goes well with him down there and his safe return. Good luck- hope I helped! stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 4:14pm
Yes, I agree. There are times when I need extra lube too....however I just want to make it clear to the OP that lube should not be used as a substitute for foreplay. Lube is used only when you don't lubricate even with all the foreplay in the world.
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
Avatar for ladypleiades
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 4:20pm
We like KY liquid because it resembles the natural lube and it's water-based so it's safe where oil-based lubes aren't so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 4:49am
First, Thank You All For All Your Help!
I have never lubricated much, even when I was younger and you boyfriend would finger me, most of the time we needed lube. I can never seem to get turned on enough. Even in the process, I tend to dry up. Last month when I was with my husband, I was feeling a little adventurous. After we made love, about 10 minutes latter I wanted to go again. You would thin k after great sex that I would be lubricated. But I was back to being dry as a bone. (I also was back to being tight, like we never even had sex 10 minutes ago) I also know that my mother (she is 40) uses KY Jelly. Could this just be my genetics? Will I be doomed to need lube my whole life?!?!
Another questions I have is how to people make love in a pool or in the shower? You can’t really pull out the lube in the shower, and my husband really wants to try this when I see him over Thanks Giving. And I want this to be a very memorable time for him before he goes to Iraq. And I really want to try this! :o)
Also, does anyone have any tips on a way I can spice things up? I know that I am Vary new to sex, but I want to have as much fun as possible! I will not be able to make love to my husband for 18 – 24 months after this.
Another question is, while my husband is gone, is there anything I can do to make sure that I don’t “tighten” back up? I am very uncomfortable with using anything like a dildo; I find it very impure and dirty. But is there an exercise I can do or something? Or anything I can do in the next few days before I see my husband to help me loosen up down there so I am not so tight? It has been 1 month since we made love (and this was the first time)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 5:26am

lots of questions, so I'll answer them briefly.

How much you lubricate? You mentioned that when you were in your teens, you had a lustful, sexually adventurous relationship. You were happy to explore together and were comfortable doing so. The amount of lubrication you had then would probably indicate what you should expect now. How does then and now compare?

sex in a pool or shower? It's the stuff of Hollywood - fantasy. I can often lubricate really well naturally, and can never manage it submerged. Don't worry about it. If you do find yourself in a spa or pool - climb out and do it on the edge.

Spicing things up? After reading your last post, the most important thing for you to do at present is learn to relax and enjoy. Seeing you really enjoy touching and being touched will be the best thing ever for your husband. Leave the spicy stuff till you are really comfortable with the basics. You can't run before you crawl ;-)

About tightening up while he's away? It won't happen. You could be celebate for 30 years and your vagina won't change. The tightening is all phychological (sp?). If you are relaxed in your mind, your vagina will follow suit.

good luck...and don't forget to work with us on your latest new post.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 5:57am

>>>>>How much you lubricate? You mentioned that when you were in your teens, you had a lustful, sexually adventurous relationship. You were happy to explore together and were comfortable doing so. The amount of lubrication you had then would probably indicate what you should expect now. How does then and now compare?<<<<<<

I did lubricate more back then. And defiantly would get “wet”. I have found that since I started birth control, about 6 months ago, that I am Very dry. And I think that has a lot to do with it.

>>>>>sex in a pool or shower? It's the stuff of Hollywood - fantasy. I can often lubricate really well naturally, and can never manage it submerged. Don't worry about it. If you do find yourself in a spa or pool - climb out and do it on the edge.<<<<<

There must be a way. I have a friend that has done it with out any problems. But she is not on BC and lubricates A LOT.

>>>>>About tightening up while he's away? It won't happen. You could be celebate for 30 years and your vagina won't change. The tightening is all phychological (sp?). If you are relaxed in your mind, your vagina will follow suit.<<<<<

I’m just afraid that I will tighten back up like when I was a virgin. I have heard that it can happen. I would like to be more stretched out so making love will be more comfortable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 6:03am

>>>>>How much you lubricate? You mentioned that when you were in your teens, you had a lustful, sexually adventurous relationship. You were happy to explore together and were comfortable doing so. The amount of lubrication you had then would probably indicate what you should expect now. How does then and now compare?<<<<<<

>>I did lubricate more back then. And defiantly would get “wet”. I have found that since I started birth control, about 6 months ago, that I am Very dry. And I think that has a lot to do with it.<<

If you really believe birth control is the problem, speak to your doctor about a new brand. However, I believe that when you get over your emotional blocks to sex, you will lubricate just fine.

>>>>>sex in a pool or shower? It's the stuff of Hollywood - fantasy. I can often lubricate really well naturally, and can never manage it submerged. Don't worry about it. If you do find yourself in a spa or pool - climb out and do it on the edge.<<<<<

>>There must be a way. I have a friend that has done it with out any problems. But she is not on BC and lubricates A LOT.<<

Perhaps your friend has a tendancy to exaggerate? All I can say is that despite being active for 20 years and lubricating well, I can't do it. Don't try to compete with others.

>>>>>About tightening up while he's away? It won't happen. You could be celebate for 30 years and your vagina won't change. The tightening is all phychological (sp?). If you are relaxed in your mind, your vagina will follow suit.<<<<<

>>I’m just afraid that I will tighten back up like when I was a virgin. I have heard that it can happen. I would like to be more stretched out so making love will be more comfortable.<<

Trust me - your hymen has gone - nothing will change. I'm sure the other posters will agree with my comments on this one.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace