male ejaculation required for pleasure??
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| Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:10am |
I am in a new relationship and things are most excellent with my guy both in and out of the bedroom. He had a very stressful week on his job and when we were together last night I initiated sex. He got me to an orgasm and then he pulled out and we rested for a bit... he then brought me to orgasm again by fingering me... but, when I suggested that we resume sex because I wanted him to orgasm also he replied that he was simply too exhausted.
Now... I am NOT complaining here. Keep in mind that my exhusband and exboyfriends were NEVER that concerned about my pleasure. They got theirs and good luck to the rest. That is why they are ex's. But, since this situation was a new one on me.... my question is do males require ejaculation for sexual pleasure or is the sexual act enough during a time of stress and exhaustion. Or is this scenario just more frsutartaing for him and he is more of a saint than I even figured???
Help me here because I enjoy having my partner reach satisfaction also and I want to know where to go from here as this guy is a keeper in my book!

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He will have enjoyed the intimacy and it sounds like it was his choice to stop so he was clearly getting what he wanted at that particular moment in time. An orgasm from intercourse was clearly not high on his list of priorities right then. So the answer to your question, is Yes, he got pleasure and it satisfied him at the time.
Normally though, the sexual "tension" (or whatever you want to call it) isn't released until you have an orgasm and ejeculate. Put simply, You stay "horney" even if you were enjoying things.
If you were feeling particularly generous you might have tried to finish him off with a handjob or a BJ that night and that would have been more of a release for him and he would have been very satisified. He may have been feeling tired and a bit lazy - tired enough that intercourse was just a bit too much effort, but an orgasm from oral or a handjob might have been welcome. Of course there is the possibility that he was so tired that he just wanted to sleep and didn't want to be bothered with the effort required to have an orgasm by any means.
One last thing to consider is that he may not have been interested in sex at all but went along with it because you wanted it. He may have just been too tired and too stressed to feel horney or terribly aroused. Once he'd gotten you to cum he felt that the job was done and he could fall asleep.
There is pleasure, and then there is pleasure. He may have been satisfied just because he knew you were satisfied. If he was tired, if he was stressed out, he might not have had the energy to continue. Haven't you ever had sex when you weren't really in the mood, or you were tired, just because you wanted to please your partner? It wasn't a matter of whether or not you had pleasure, you did what you wanted to do.
If this was a regular occurence, then I'd say he had a problem. But it happens to everyone occasionally, and it's not the end of the world.
As Westie said......you could have offered to do it for him manually or orally. But I don't think it's anything to be concerned about. It happens.
It sounds to me like he really was just too exhausted. If that happened in my relationship I would offer Dh oral or manual that way he could lie back relax and enjoy.
Toots:)
Not true at all. It's like cooking a great meal, and eating it, but being too full, or too tired to have the dessert. Sex SHOULD be pleasure, and the climax is icing on the cake. Great, but you CAN live without it.
Your analogy is saying that the sex itself is nothing, ejaculation is all that counts. If you truly feel that way, I feel sorry for your partner.
Wow, your post is just so wrong and on multiple levels.
For one, you can save the judgemental crap for someone you actually know. To say you feel sorry for my partner is not only inappropiate, but rude and offensive.
I'm a kind, sensitive and attentive lover and have a great 12 year marriage. it just so happens, that I ejaculate when I have sex. My goal during sex is much more about NOT ejaculating until I want to or until it's 'my turn'.
Now maybe when my wife requests of me NOT to ejaculate and I do anyway, I'll ask her how sorry she feels and if my actions were as rude and inappropiate as your smarmy comment was.
*snicker*
Hello there,
I run into the same problem. My husband and I work everyday so when we are ready to have sex we are totally consumed by eachother but sometimes he is too tired to go for another round. He also fingers me and that will make me orgasm and he is totally ok with it as long as he knows I am pleased. I think in all honesty he is satisfied with pleasing me even though he didn't orgasm by fingering me. Then again sometimes when they please you or make u orgasm they get turned on and they are ready for that second round. I would say keep him in your book and thank your lucky stars that you do have someone who is actually concerned with your sexual satisfaction. Frustrating to men would or should be when they can't get us to climax. Enjoy it and more power to the greatness of their fingers when their penises can't solute us!
>>>Sex SHOULD be pleasure, and the climax is icing on the cake. Great, but you CAN live without it.<<
Clearly you're not a guy!!!!! ROTFLMAO!
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NB: I think that this is probably why guys are often so obsessed about making their partners cum. Guys don't understand that women can enjoy sex even without an orgasm because it's not really the same for a guy. A guy really needs an orgasm to feel like the sex was complete and satisfying.
Edited 6/20/2006 12:56 am ET by westridge2001
I do not really think it's any different for women. I think it all depends on the amount of arousal and the circumstances. I know that when I'm very aroused, I definitely feel the "need" to orgasm. Did the OP's SO feel the "need" to orgasm? Obviously not. He was most likely not that aroused or just too stressed or tired.
I think that women, though, more or less just handle it differently. It's NOT the end of the world for us. We just accept it because we were "trained" that way. tee hee If you've ever been with a "young" man, you'd understand. When they're horny, it's as though there's a fire in the next room and it's a race to the finish. I know for me, that THAT attitude alone was enough to sabatoge any impending orgasm. Nothing could be worse than wanting a woman to "hurry up." Going along with the analogy, it would be akin to cooking a great meal for the man you love, realizing that he's absolutely famished and even though you yourself are famished, you tell him "I'm not really that hungry....you can have my share." ;-)
Anyone who says that they wouldn't want an orgasm is lying --that's just silly to think otherwise. But the feeling of **lust** more than anything, IS the "high" of the whole ordeal (and my husband agrees). In fact, we purposely try NOT to orgasm. If after a half an hour of lustful sex, either of us for whatever reason couldn't climax or "lost" it and couldn't "regain" it(and that's sometimes the risk), there's no way that either of us would feel that we didn't complete sex or have satisfying sex -- that's just as silly.
"NB: I think that this is probably why guys are often so obsessed about making their partners cum. Guys don't understand that women can enjoy sex even without an orgasm because it's not really the same for a guy. A guy really needs an orgasm to feel like the sex was complete and satisfying."
Nah, I think it's their egos mostly. ;-) Of course women would enjoy sex MORE if they had an orgasm...we just have learned to accept it and not get all twisted about it. If we're horny, we NEED an orgasm, just like the next guy. Physiologically, all of the same "build up" and engorgement is present. You have no idea how frustrating it is to go without at least one orgasm to relieve the "lust." I lived it, I know. ;-) You'd have to have sex with young men to understand.
But in any event, a man is "right" to want to attempt to help a woman to orgasm, because she's not any different than he is. However, if he's obsessed about it, it will most likely backfire (which is why women fake it).
I think that men who are obsessed with orgasms (either their own or their SO's) are losing out on the true experience of what sex is all about (this is typical of young men). That's when I finally learned to enjoy sex to it's fullest. Once my husband "matured" and "calmed down" and stopped acting as though he "needed" to orgasm; as though it wasn't the most important thing about having sex, I began to orgasm. I couldn't orgasm because I always felt as though "his" orgasm was running the show. It was not about being obsessed with making me orgasm because he wanted me to feel pleasure, but more the sooner he could, then the sooner he could get to his own pleasure. Eventually, he learned to enjoy sex apart from his own needs -- truly.
Anyone, woman or man, who is highly aroused will feel the need to have an orgasm and to be relieved. I think that women just have an easier time accepting it and dealing with it, if, for whatever reason it doesn't happen. ;-) I think that both men and women can and do enjoy sex exclusive of orgasms.
I asked this question a long time ago on another board....."Would men have sex at all if they knew there'd be no orgasm?" What say you?..... ;-)
Edited 6/20/2006 10:24 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
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