male ejaculation required for pleasure??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
male ejaculation required for pleasure??
26
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:10am

I am in a new relationship and things are most excellent with my guy both in and out of the bedroom. He had a very stressful week on his job and when we were together last night I initiated sex. He got me to an orgasm and then he pulled out and we rested for a bit... he then brought me to orgasm again by fingering me... but, when I suggested that we resume sex because I wanted him to orgasm also he replied that he was simply too exhausted.

Now... I am NOT complaining here. Keep in mind that my exhusband and exboyfriends were NEVER that concerned about my pleasure. They got theirs and good luck to the rest. That is why they are ex's. But, since this situation was a new one on me.... my question is do males require ejaculation for sexual pleasure or is the sexual act enough during a time of stress and exhaustion. Or is this scenario just more frsutartaing for him and he is more of a saint than I even figured???

Help me here because I enjoy having my partner reach satisfaction also and I want to know where to go from here as this guy is a keeper in my book!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 8:01pm

Thanks Taoist...that was a lot... ;-)

"If NEITHER of us had an orgasm, it would certainly be less interesting. We would just be “snuggling” , caressing, kissing etc. and we frequently do this. Maybe the confusion lies with the fact that with my wife, once I start caressing or stimulating her genitals, she always orgasms. When we “snuggle” , I specifically don’t touch her there because she doesn’t want to orgasm at that time."

I do not understand how you automatically equate not having orgasms to just snuggling, caressing and kissing. I was specifically speaking about feeling lust and having sex, but just not one or neither orgasming. I can't see how not orgasming has anything to do with how good sex in and of itself feels -- that's what I was getting at. I can see saying that it would be "less" enjoyable because an orgasm is absolutely the best, but I can't see losing interest or stop wanting to have sex altogether just because you do not end up orgasming. But if that's how you feel....that's how you feel. I'm just trying to understand it.

"Obviously, this is the situation with most couples. The man orgasms, the woman doesn’t always. This is certainly worthwhile. My wife and I just reverse those roles. She always orgasms, I don’t. It’s definitely worthwhile."

Well...if the woman usually doesn't, then all it will take is the man not being able to for whatever reason to get to the point where neither orgasm. The point is, I would think that the person who is NOT orgasming is not only having sex because the other person can and does orgasm, but because sex feels good regardless. So if neither of them orgasm, sex still feels great. Maybe we're on different pages (I'm suspecting by your responses)? Maybe you're thinking that the one is not orgasming because they are not aroused at all and I'm taking it from the angle that they are feeling very horny, and are enjoying everything that is being done to them regardless of whether or not they orgasms (either or).

***“ My question was more of what if that's all there was; just whatever you two do together, without either of you ever orgasming.”****

"This is entirely hypothetical for us. Even for others, wouldn’t it be rare that neither partner orgasmed?"

Perhaps; but my question was what difference would it make? If neither of you never had orgasms, would sex not be worth it? Sometimes, I don't know until I've been having sex for a while that I'm not going to orgasm. Does that mean that nothing felt good? No, not at all. It all feels the same whether there's an orgasm or not. That was my point.

****“Would that make it any less enjoyable? Would you not engage at all?”****

"If neither partner EVER orgasmed , don’t you think it would be less enjoyable? And that interest in sex would certainly be diminished. There are situations where the woman never orgasms. We hear about these frequently. In these situations it is very understandable that the woman would be less interested in sex."

Not necessarily. I didn't orgasm with a partner for many years when I first began having sex (grant it I was very young). I never lost interest in sex. I was still very aroused, and felt every single thing that was being done to me. One does not negate the other.

****“I have to say that I'm quite surprised at how you responded. In any event, the first part of your post doesn't seem to sum up the last--they even seem contradictory.”****

"I hope that now you understand and that I am no longer contradictory."

I think we were just missing each other. Usually you are very articulate and concise; which was why I questioned you.

"I guess everybody’s different. DW experiences a wide variety of orgasms, too. Going without, teasing, and delaying have nothing to do with this. As I mentioned before, I only stimulate her genitals when she is ready and desires it. Otherwise we just “snuggle”. Given that she is ready and willing, she always orgasms in less than five minutes and always has multiples unless we stop. On a few VERY rare occasions I have started to stimulate her when she really wasn’t “in the mood”. Within a minute or two, she will know that it isn’t going to happen and she tells me, and we stop the session and go to just snuggling."

I'll try and explain it this way: I too am very often "ready" quite quickly. I can choose to orgasm in less than five minutes, but sometimes I'd rather prolong (I purposely do not allow any stimulation) so that I get to the brink of "dying" to be stimulated so that it not only takes very little stimulation, but hopefully will bring on one of those immense orgasms. I like the feeling of intense lust (and that dissipates with the first orgasm)...so the longer that I prolong orgasm, the more I get to experience it. Even if I know that the orgasm is going to come (;-)) immediately and even intensely, I still may choose to prolong it just so that I can stay "high" a little longer. That "high" is the reason why I'm even surpised at the answers. The orgasm brings on a newer feeling altogether, but the intoxication of lust and the actual feelings of the sexual acts during it, is up there.....
.
***” You still can acquire all of that( connection, intimacy, and shared pleasure) sans orgasms.”

"Sure you can, but it’s even better with orgasm.***

I never said it wasn't. But what was said was that there'd be lost of interest without them.

***After having sex for over thirty years, I still do not know going in if I'm guaranteed one or not. Does anyone really know for sure?****

"I know it sounds impossible to believe, but my wife does."

But what if she stopped having orgasms but still loved having sex (because it felt good, not just because you orgasm ? You said you'd lose interest. That's the part I'm having a hard time with. ;-)

****“ I just cannot fathom someone not wanting to experience all that sex has to offer if there was no imminent orgasm.”****

"I agree with you because that’s the situation for ME , not my wife. Sometimes we know we don’t have time for me, and I just stimulate her. I’m not going to orgasm, she is. We thoroughly enjoy this. Sometimes we have more time and have intercourse, but I know I’m probably not going to orgasm, she is. I thoroughly enjoy this. Sometimes I know it’s possible or even probable that I will orgasm (she will,too). This is the best possible scenario."

But that's the point. Doesn't sex still feel wonderful to you even if you do not orgasm? Don't you love just enjoying the high of lust? Of feeling, smelling, tasting, seeing and hearing each other experience the most intimate act that two people can? (all rhetorical, you do not have to answer) I just can't see missing out on all of that because you (or both of you) for whatever reason do not end up orgasming. Of course, orgasms are the best, but to lose interest in sex, or stop having it all together and miss out on all of THAT -- just blows my mind.

Everyone feels differently about this; and I was just curious.....I just wanted to make sure that...


Edited 6/26/2006 8:10 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 4:16pm

"But what if she stopped having orgasms but still loved having sex (because it felt good, not just because you orgasm ? You said you'd lose interest. That's the part I'm having a hard time with. ;-)"

OK, like I said this is all hypothetical because she DOES have orgasms. I said I'd lose interest. I'm not sure I was speaking of myself , but maybe people in general. Anyway, I retract that statement. Especially if she still loved having sex.

"But that's the point. Doesn't sex still feel wonderful to you even if you do not orgasm?"

Yes, I've said that that's why we do it even when I don't orgasm.

"Don't you love just enjoying the high of lust?"

Yes, of course.

"Of feeling, smelling, tasting, seeing and hearing each other experience the most intimate act that two people can?"

You bet.

" I just can't see missing out on all of that because you (or both of you) for whatever reason do not end up orgasming."

This is why I still like to make love to DW even when I know I won't orgasm. Fortunately I know that she will.

"Of course, orgasms are the best, but to lose interest in sex, or stop having it all together and miss out on all of THAT"

I haven't lost interest at all and we make love as much as we ever did.

"-- just blows my mind."

I hope your mind is now unblown and you are OK.

taoist

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 6:31pm
That's what I thought. ;-)
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 10:46am
There are two satisfactions for a male. One is being inside, moving within a partner, and all the intimacy that involves. The second is ejaculating into a partner and knowing she will contain within her all the wigglers for a day or so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 11:39am

Kudos to you for finding a guy who cares about getting you off!!! Anyway, In Response to your question. I think that there are guys out there who are satisfied just satisfying you. My husband sometimes does not orgasm, and its just like what you said. He's tired, its late.... etc. etc. But he always makes sure I get off and the first few times this happened I wasn't sure how to react. my first thought was why can't he get off with me? Am I doing something wrong? Then he explained he was just tired.... and then I really felt selfish because he had brought me to orgasm like 3 times. But we have talked about it and he says its enough for him just to make me come. I do believe him and my advice to you as far as your relationship? Hang on to that one!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 11:22pm
My husband doesn't feel that way (according to him). He tends to get upset at me because I just can't lay back and let him do what he wants to me unless he gets an orgasm to. More times than not I'd rather him lay back and enjoy it all and he wonders why I can't do the same. It's because I feel rather selfish and refuse to be the only one, in my opinion, getting anything out of that particular encounter. He wishes that I could and would do that because he doesn't always want an orgasm.

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