man brought up anal...
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man brought up anal...
| Sat, 08-07-2004 - 12:28pm |
last night i was talking to this guy i've been seeing (that's a whole other discussion in itself) but to get right to it he brought up anal sex for the 2nd time. the last time was about a month ago and it old him i've never dont it and wasn't into it. and last night again he was asking me why not and why i wouldnt try it. simply, it's b/c it's not something i'm interested in...and if i happen to do it it'll be w/ someone who i'm w/ for a long time and all that jazz.
so those of you out there who've done anal...why is it the 'thing to do' now? what's so hype about it? maybe i just cant get past the disgused part..i dont know someone? anyone?

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I don't think it's "the thing" today, anymore than it was 30 years ago, or 50 years ago. It's a "thing" that guys seem to fantasize about, and I think more women are willing today than were years ago, so there's more talk about it.
If the guy can't get it thru his head that your answer is always going to be no, then I'd say move on, because he's not interested in what YOU want, only what he wants.
I don't think it's the "thing" to do, it's just talked about more now than it ever was.
I agree with the others, that he should respect a "no" and not raise it again.
However, I do believe that an explanation is good.
i agree. though i'm not going to say that i'll never do it. i'm sure that if i'm w/ someone for a long time, ie marriage or some other long term relationship i'll be more than willing to try or talk about new things in the sack.
but for right now, we're just seeing each other and its rather early in the relationship to be pushing that up on me
Yeah, the guys on some of those boards are not the most enlightened men on earth. But that's the mentality they have.
~Jazz
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I liked what you said about not considering anal sex in anything but a committed long term relationship. I think that is EXTREMELY wise. If he is asking (as Jazz suggests) for anal sex as some stupid test, drop this guy like a bad habit...no one should "test" people for suitability. That reminds me of a dear friend of mine that was "tested" by her boyfriend. He asked her to marry him and when she excitedly said "yes"...he told her that that was why he had to break up with her. She was too serious and wanted something that he didn't...mean and very sad IMO.
Having said that, in a relationship, we always have the right to ask for what we want...always. If he has a serious interest in anal sex with you he should ask. If he doesn't that is just repression. However, after you have said 'no' he should leave it at that, with the caveat that you understand this is something that he desires and that you keep it in the back of your mind (no pun intended). I've found that it's best to not totally dismiss anything that can be shared between two people that might make them closer (and it sounds like you have not, considering your comment about a committed relationship). Anal sex is no more odd than oral sex or manual stimulation...it's just another thing that people can share and if you do a search on this sight, you'll find that many women and men enjoy it as a regular part of their lovemaking. Biologically, anything but sex for procreation is not "needed"...it's all for entertainment and deeper intimacy.
Good luck. Sounds like you have handled this very well.
Scott.
thanks for that..it's made me really consider what his ulterior motives are. we kinda got into an argument last night b/c he said that i dont open up to him and blah blah blah. and when he asks me questions i either dont answer or tend to avoid (questions like what do i like in bed and all that) my response was, if your not my man, why should i share that w/ you (trying to understand if we're seeing each other, dating..talking? -- still no answer) and he was like fine then i guess i'm not your man since you dont tell me sh!t. BAHHHH!!!!!!
but anyways...so i was thinking, was he asking me this to test me (like you mentioned) or was he really asking me that b/c like he said last night he wants to know what i like and what i dont and "how do you expect people to grow if you don't share anything" <-- his words exactly.
but thanks. that helps
my guess is that he obviously was w/ another woman (i'm assuming his ex of 3.5 years) who he had anal sex w/. i mean, that's totally fine, if one wants to part take in the kinda activity more power to you. but right now, i wouldnt do it w/ anyone. but now that i think about it, (and like i wrote to jazz) we really havent talked much about the whole sex thing (we did have sex about a month ago) another thing he said last night was that when we talk it's like the whole sex thing never happened (i was like what would you like me to say? bring it up everytime i talk to you?.....GOD!!! men sometimes....maybe i haven't brought it up b/c theres more to a relationship than just sex..and clearly we made that mistake early on) this whole thing is getting too confusing. and i'm probably confusing the hell out of you..
but thanks for the reply. i'll definately have to keep my ears and eyes open for the next little while and see how things turn out
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