man brought up anal...
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man brought up anal...
| Sat, 08-07-2004 - 12:28pm |
last night i was talking to this guy i've been seeing (that's a whole other discussion in itself) but to get right to it he brought up anal sex for the 2nd time. the last time was about a month ago and it old him i've never dont it and wasn't into it. and last night again he was asking me why not and why i wouldnt try it. simply, it's b/c it's not something i'm interested in...and if i happen to do it it'll be w/ someone who i'm w/ for a long time and all that jazz.
so those of you out there who've done anal...why is it the 'thing to do' now? what's so hype about it? maybe i just cant get past the disgused part..i dont know someone? anyone?

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Although it was a cruel(dishonest) test, we in some ways do *test* our SO's to some extent. We may not *create* the situation(as this man had, and falsely at that), but we do *judge* people based upon present situations that arise naturally. We may not do it consciously, but we're constantly judging other's behaviours(positive or negative) in all situations for suitability.
~~If he has a serious interest in anal sex with you he should ask. If he doesn't that is just repression.~~
I know from general discussion that my bf doesn't do oral or 3somes. I don't think I should ask him for either(directly) since I understand where he stands on the matter. You can say that our discussion was a *test*(in hindsight) because I learned something about him. If I don't ask or never reveal my desires in light of what I learned about him and forego my own needs and accept him for who he is, it's my choice. I don't view it as repression, I view it as respecting his boundaries.
Expressing and excepting ones desires is not the same as indulging them all...we don't have to have every desire granted, nor is every desire neccessarily healthy to act out. Repression is when we are ashamed of the things that we desire. It's when we label them as bad or evil or wrong.
You have handled your situation with your bf in an EXTREMELY emotionally mature manner (pat yourself of the back you're ahead of 90% of the worlds population); you should be proud of yourself. You expressed your desire, acknowledged that it was okay to want it, but chose to accept him as he is (you gave him unconditional love). If everyone were to do this not only would their relationships be healthy and wonderful, their desires would often get met. Since you made it clear by your unconditional love that you would respect his boundries, I wouldn't be at all surprised if you don't get your needs met (especially orally).
Peace.
Scott.
Hey, maybe ask him if you can stick something up his butt! Like a anal sex toy...of course he might like it and push you more and more for anal then. Could backfire....
thanks for all your insights and inputs.
remember how i said we've kinda been arguing for the last few days. (should probably be posted on a dating board...but since i'm here) yeh so i found out he's seeing other people...well he says "talking" he's talking to other people dont know if there's more than one other woman or not. but i thought i was cool w/ it yesterday...today i was just like naw, that aint happening. i'm not going to be dragged around while he is dating other women so he can decide who he wants to get into a relationship w/. it's not fair to me (or the other women) and i'm not going to let him take me along then just drop me off when he sees fit. does that sound reasonable? i know that when i tell him that tonight its going to spark another discussion...
but really...we're not "together" so we can discuss things till we're blue in the face, but really, it's not like i have to resolve any issues w/ him or try to make things work.
do you guys see my point?
reasonable? not?
any suggestions?
he also said to me the other day that he "didnt think that by having sex i'd have to marry you" <-- WOW i kinda freaked out on him for that. and he also said that he wants to take things slow (i got the feeling that there was another woman or women since last week..but now i know for sure that there is)
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