Man likes looking at women on net
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Man likes looking at women on net
| Thu, 06-02-2005 - 12:56pm |
Hi - is there anyone out there who has this porblem- recently i have noticed that my boyfirend has become very secretive and logging on to to the upstairs computer -when asked wot he was up to (in a fun teasing way - we are very close) he goes all coy and i can just TELL hes been up to something. Anyway little does he know that im not daft with a computer and i have looked at interent cookies etc only to finf that he has been looking at a site which features a girl wearing all sorts of satiny clothing - all provocative needless to say.. the thing is, i love sex - in fact my sex drive is way higher than his - and i have no problem dressing up in all sorts (stuff i know he likes). i always make the first move - i have to - he seems very shy and inexpereinced. we had this problem a month or so ago when i confronted him with it and he flatly denied it. i reasoned with it in my head and in the end put it down to maybe they were there from when he was single etc. it bothers me as i know it sounds silly but its kind of like being unfaithful, after all the other day i was actually in the house...i am very open about sex and have told him if he ever wants to me to wear something he has a fantasy for or whatever to just let me know, that i love turning him on etc...we have been together a year and as far as i can make out he didnt have a very good sex life prior to that, and maybe he is just become addicted over the years or something !!! i just want him to grab me and make love to me and want me in the way he obviously likes to look at these girls- after all im told many a time im good looking etc, and im not overweight etc - totally baffled !!!! would be grateful to hear from anyone....really dont know what i can do thanks

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You wrote:
Okay, first of all, don't listen to those other idiots that think you're "assuming" too much.
I'm not angry with this response, but I did want to reply that people on here have differences of opinions, but that doesn't made them "idiots".
soocram,
First of all, I've been reading stuff here for a long time, and I decided to join, just so I could respond to your message.
The reason I am responding is that I am just astonished to see how you don't see any solutions to this. I am a 20 year old male, and I can see all kinds of solutions. It might be since I am on the outside looking in or what not.
I know generally older people don't liker recieving advice from younger people, but I hope you will at least take my statements into consideration as you try to find resolution.
First and foremost, it is obvious you aren't going to just to be able to forget about this, there is going to be a daily reminder about whenever you see him locking himself away. So in my opinion you need to confront him. Who cares if he thinks you were snooping? This is your marriage and life you are talking about, you need resolution!
In order for him not to get mad about snooping, all you need to do is prove to him you snooped because it was out of anger or mistrust, but more of a personal worry.
To prove this to him, all you have to do is show him this topic and all the responses. If he is as half good of a man as you say he is, he will see how worried and willing to do anything you were in order to find resolution in the sweetest and most kindest way . possible. I don't think anyone can accuse you of not trying to do this in the most gentle way possile, as is shown by how concerned you really are.
Like I said, these are only a few ideas I had after reading through all these posts. I hope they at least help a little bit. All I know is, somehow or someway, you really should find resolution.
What's a girl to do?
You tell him that shutting down in UNACCEPTABLE. Without communication, there is no relationship.
And if he will not open up, YOU LEAVE HIM. Honestly, there are so many great men out there who won't treat you in this manner. Why settle for less than you deserve?
I agree in principal with being honest with your partner, but the partner must also do their part to encourage honesty in the first place.
Take the example of a guy who uses porn. He has two choices.
1. Be honest with his partner
2. Keep it a secret
If the result of being honest is to be on the receiving end of tears, jealousy, criticism and spying....then of course he will keep it a secret. On the other hand, if she accepts it without issue, then he'll be more encouraged to be honest in future.
Hey, ummm, I just had a thought about the whole porn issue that hadn't really occurred to me before. It's not just guys in relationships that look at porn. Single guys do it too. Take me for example, I've always looked at a bit of porn on the 'net, and I've always looked at more when I've been single and less of it when I'm in a relationship. How can I be comparing my partner to the porn gals when I haven't got a partner?
I guess that I'd just throw that into the conversation because women that worry about being "compared" to the porn gals shouldn't be. When you met the guy he knew what a porn gal looked like, but he still ended up falling head over heels in love with you. He certainly didn't just discover that porn girls were attractive AFTER he met you.
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