Man loses erection

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2002
Man loses erection
4
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 2:08pm

My boyfriend and I have started having sex recently and he has been losing his erection before penetration. He will be nice and hard, but after he goes down on me to get me wet, he loses his erection and I have to work him up again, but I dry out. It just seems like one of us is ready, while the other loses the excitement. We have tried 69, but I did not enjoy it all that much. Does anyone else have this problem or any advice for us?

Thanks
J

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 2:39pm

If I were in your situation, I would try to talk about it together and see what's on his mind. Losing erections like this often has to do with anxieties or some other mental or emotional concerns.


If both of you can talk honestly and openly, with trust and without fear of criticism, and you can get to the bottom of what's really going on, these problems

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:37pm

When your guy is down there getting you ready, position yourself to allow you to keep your hand on his erection to continue stimulation. OR using KY or some other lube, mutually masturbate one another, after he's warmed you up orally, until you're both ready.

And 69 is fun for foreplay but there's too much going on for us to really enjoy it to completion.

Where there is a will, there is a way though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 11:24am
Me and my boyfriend have the exact same problem. We love each other and we're very attracted to each other, but he loses his erection. He's very hard in the beginning, but if we just kiss then he loses it and then I might get it hard again by oral or manual stimulation, but then he loses it again. He says I'm not doing anything wrong, but that he is tense when it comes to thinking about intercourse. That he think too much. I try to comfort him the best I can, telling him it happens to everyone and that I think it will be fine. He feels so bad about this. But we talk openly about it, and I don't really know what to do. Ok we haven't tried more than about 3 times but still.. I'm afraid something is wrong with me. I ask him what he wants me to do, but it doesn't help. He gets hard, then soft, hard again and so on. But it seems like it's difficult to keep it.
Could it be that he needs stimulation all the time, and how is that possible. I want a foreplay that is focused on me too... He's had a gf for 4 years before so he must be quite experienced, much more than I am and I don't feel nervous at all around him. And we have known each other for 11 months and been together for two so he shouldn't be uncomfortable with me.. I'm just afraid also that if we doesnt solve this problem it will be bad for our relationship.
Any advice please?
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 3:10pm

Why not take the emphasis off intercourse for a while? Usually, when a man cannot sustain an erection, it's not a physical problem, but emotional, because of anxiety, as he said.

Please one another orally and manually for the time being and get more comfortable with one another before introducing intercourse again.

If this doesn't help, then he may need to see his dr. for a physical, to rule out other underlying problems. But psychological issues will require counseling.

And just because he's had a relationship in the past doesn't mean that it was sexually satisfying. He may have always had this problem to some degree. And she was a different person. He had no experience with you, so his past experience really means nothing.

Just remember, this is HIS problem, not yours, and he'll have to solve it. All you can do is be patient and supportive but there's nothing wrong with you. He wouldn't be with you at all if he didn't find you attractive.




Edited 4/5/2006 4:03 pm ET by katmandoo2001