manners & phonesex dont go together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
manners & phonesex dont go together?
14
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 4:28am

so i started seeing this guy a couple weeks ago and we have kept every non sexual (he's a virgin!) except for conversations.
he's reallly into talking about getting oral sex and since that's all he's ever had, i don't mind - even though sometimes he gets a little carried away.
so tonight he wanted to have phone sex and although i was reluctant(i've done it in the past many times w/ bfs but have grown out of it) i agreed.
while we were doing it he would ask alot of questions " are you hot for me, etc" i was humoring him, telling him what he wanted to hear," yes i am"
at one point he said " are you a dirty bitch?"
and i kind of giggled and said... " no"
then he s like " yes you are"
"...no."
"yes, you are"
"no, but im one turned off bitch"
and i hung up on him.

and i overreacting here? is phone sex fair game to be a pig or what?

ps - i really dont need guys msgsing me privately anymore, i come here for advice from WOMEN and men with some manners, not dirty men who send me rude msgs.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 5:25am
Talking dirty during sex is a turn-on for many people, and there are things that can be acceptable to say in the heat of passion that would never be okay out in public (I'm pretty sure DW would slap me if I ever called her a slut while we were having dinner in a restaurant, but when my penis is inside her she thinks it's kind of hot). That said, it's entirely up to you if (and to what extent) you're comfortable with name calling during sex (phone or otherwise), and he should have picked up on the fact that you had a negative reaction to what he was attempting to do and backed off. So no, I don't think you were overreacting at all. Now that this has happened, it seems like a fine opportunity to start a conversation with him about what your limits are, and his need to respect them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 7:25am

I would ditto what Steve said here.

As for your PS message, you can choose not to receive Member to Member e-Mail in your Board Settings. If you look on the pink bar above (where it says welcome, lynseysharp) you will see on the right side an option for board settings. Select that and scroll to the bottom. Be sure the "yes" is not marked for the Member to Member e-Mail, and then choose "submit".

If you do receive e-mails from members that violate the TOS, you can forward them to relationshipscm@mail.ivillage.com. Providing you have not responded to them, they are covered by the same rules and guidelines as the message boards are. Also, members do not receive your personal e-mail address unless you reply to their original message.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 7:26am

Nothing is far game when you set boundaries.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:30am

I think it may have been rather rude to hang up on him. You should have just told him then and there that he was going a little too far. Like it was already explained, you do need to set boundries in your relationships but that isn't any reason to be rude if you care about a person. I sure hope you didn't care about this guy too much because he is liable to take that very personally!

Also like some of the other posters stated a lot of guys like to talk dirty and a lot of women enjoy hearing it. So it doesn't mean the guy really thought that about you. It was said in the heat of the moment and maybe he thought you would like it. In any case, since you hung up on him that relationship may be water under the bridge already.

Good luck though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:51am

First off, please allow me to apologize for some of my gender, who have failed to evolve into human beings, please don't ever believe that we are all really like that, we are not!

Secondly, I can't imagine calling my GF the B word, let alone dirty, but that's who I am.

I think the erotic sound of the dial tone was the best course of action.

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Solve et Coagu

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 11:20am
"Manners & Phone Sex"? That's an oxymoron!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 11:30am

Sounds to me like he took it too far, too soon. I wouldn't call any woman a dirty anything unless she indicated before hand that she enjoyed that kind of talk.

"i come here for advice from WOMEN and men with some manners, not dirty men who send me rude msgs."

As others have done, I wish to apologize for those "men" who do those kinds of things on this board and others at iVillage. We guys need to recognize that this is a place for women to discuss sexuality and that we're welcome as long as we respectfully participate. This is not a place for picking anyone up or for getting off by talking dirty with women, on or off the boards.

Having lurked here for quite some time I have been encouraged enough by the posts of bostonsteve, itsscott and several others to begin participating. I only hope my voice, added to theirs, can outweigh that of those who have other agendas for being here.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 11:51am

I agree completely!

I am very appreciative of the fact that this is a WOMEN'S board, and that we are guests here. The reception has always been warm and welcoming, and the conversation mature and stimulating. I hate to see the occasional pond scum that shows up, and apologize to the ladies, and thank them for not just chucking us all out.

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Solve et Coagu

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:30pm

thanx everyone, you have verified what I thought to be true and that is that he took it too far.

as for the men who are here, most of the time you're great but the personal emails creep me out (and no i have not responded to any and have changed my settings, thanx!)

to the girl who said I should be worried about him not coming back :

We only just started dating and he should be the one who is worried about it ending, not me. I don't "really care" about him, especially since he should have gotten the hint that I didn't like being called a dirty bitch the 1st TWO times I said no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 3:40pm

You go@

Ask not for whom the phone rings, cause it ain't ringing for you dude.

Pitch the rest date the best, you deserve it Lyn

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Solve et Coagu

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