marriage after 40

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
marriage after 40
6
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:06pm
I am 44 years have never been married and i am becoming anxious that this will never happen. Even though i am in a relationship and my guy shows my lots of love and says we will get married in the not too distant future i am still doubtful that we will get married. should i worry?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: antom
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:22pm
As a guy, wanting to make a proposal of marriage is suppose to be a surprise, and a very important one, and the very worst way to ruin it is for her to become so concerned that it won't happen that the subject needs to be discussed for means of gaining confidence. If he has said he wants to propose in the "not too distant future", I hope you can feel comfortable enough to take him at his word and wait for a very very sweet surprise :)

Good luck!

Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
In reply to: antom
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:29pm
Hmmm, not to sure you are posting on the right board for this particular topic but I am sure you will get a lot of feedback anyhow. If he says that he wants to marry you, believe him. But remember that you can't push these things. You have to let it develop and grow as the relationship does the same. If you force it to happen, it only leads to unhappiness in the end and if you are happy and in a good place in your life right now, there should be no need to push for marriage. I know some people who have lived with their "soul mate" for years upon years and have never gotten married. They don't see the point in declaring their love for one another in front of all their close friends and family and what it has to do with their love for one another. I am not trying to say you are wrong for wanting to get married, just don't push it onto your guy and make him change his mind. Taks things slowly and let them develop one their own and he will make you happy. Don't give up on hope for although it is frail, it is hard to kill unless you kill it yourself. Just my two cents, hope it helps!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
In reply to: antom
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:31pm
Thanks for responding. It is nice to hear another perseptive on the subject. I will certainly consider what you have said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
In reply to: antom
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:33pm
Thanks Michael!

It was especially nice to hear from a guy's point of view. I can only wait to see whether he keeps his promise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
In reply to: antom
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:56pm
I also have to wonder if your thinking you will never get married has anything to do with the problem you posted on the other board. Does this effect your feelings long term for him? If it does, I would get to the bottom of that problem and quick if you do want to spend the rest of your life with him but that issue lingering will only complicate things in the long run. If you can, bring it up to him in a way that he won't feel threatened. Like, talk to him about when you move in together and how you will deal with things in that snese. That way he doesn't feel like you are attaching him personally. You are just trying to take care of one thing before you have it blow up into a fight while you are already living together.
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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: antom
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:27pm
Since you know your guy, do YOU think you should worry? Why is the time frame for your marriage being totally left up to him anyway? You are partners, aren't you? In my mind, these are decisions that should be made together.

Bottom line, if he's been saying this to you for some time now, without even tentative plans being discussed, then of course, it's possible that he's only pacifying you with promises. You know what they say....words are cheap.


Edited 6/22/2004 5:30 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001