Married and Bored in the Bedroom

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Married and Bored in the Bedroom
7
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 4:39pm
My husband and I have been together for about 3 1/2 years and have a 2 yr. old daughter. In the beginning the sex was great but for about the last year it has been so boring I don't even want to do it. I have always been a very sexual being and loved to experiment but with the way it is now I would rather not even do it. No foreplay, he just jumps on, does his thing and gets off. Thats it!! He never just comes up to me and touches me or kisses me. I never have orgasms any more. In the beginning it took about 30 seconds. Is this a normal progression in this type of relationship? You know, getting together and having a kid so soon in the relationship? We have talked about doing more foreplay but neither of us ever initiates it. I guess I'm just waiting for him to show some attraction to me. Right now there doesn't seem to be any.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 4:52pm

If he doesn't initiate more fun, why don't YOU initiate it?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 12:45am

It takes two to tango......and it takes two to let it get boring! Marriage is a work in progress.....you can't expect the same fireworks that were going on in the beginning, but you also can't expect it to stay the same if you don't put some effort into it.

"I guess I'm just waiting for him to show some attraction to me. Right now there doesn't seem to be any." He might be saying the exact same thing to himself.....ONE of you has to start livening it up......why does it have to be him? You're there too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:36pm
Your right. I guess I feel this way because I've never had to do the initiating before. I know I sound like I'm whining and I am but I just don't know what to do. I went through a pretty serious depression after our daughter was born that lasted about a year and things have just not evened back out. Maby he isn't attracted to me anymore because of the depression. I don't know. I know I don't feel attractive and maby he sees that and so he feels it too. We don't communicate anymore and this is just one of the areas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 1:40am

Well then START communicating! If you went thru a depression, he was probably used to just not bothering you (which is NOT unusual after having a baby!).....and you have to tell him that things have changed, and you BOTH need to start talking to each other about everything, including sex! If you don't start talking, it's going to get worse, not better! He has to know how you feel, and you have to know how he feels.

Go out and get a sexy nightgown, and SEDUCE him.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 8:10am

If you've never had to initiate before then nows a good time to start initiating.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 2:22pm
This is all good advice. We have actually made some progress in this area. This morning we made love and it was the usual wham bam and then he asked me if oral sex would help until he got a vasectomy. That is another issue. We have to use condoms because I'm not on birth control. I'm not on birth control because I had the begining stages of cervical cancer, I smoked for 15 years and I was also on the pill for about 15 years. I don't want to take the chance of getting full blown cancer so I'm just going to stay away from the pill and cigarettes. The problem with condoms is they hurt. He has agreed to get a vasectomy but, like any man, he's a bit aprehensive, and I don't blame him. I think once we get that taken care of things will improve in the bedroom. We won't have the anxiety of a possible pregnancy looming in our minds every time we make love. What if the condom breaks?? etc....But just the fact that he wanted to try oral sex felt like a major breakthrough. He has never done that for me no matter how many times I've done it for him, so I'm pretty happy about that. At least he wants to try and please me, too. And, just for the record, I give him oral sex quite often. Not every day or anything, but 4 or 5 times a month or so. It's so good to be able to vent about this stuff. Thank you guys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 7:02pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd