Married and still masturbate to porn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Married and still masturbate to porn
11
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 6:27am

    I need to vent so please don't be angry.  Comments are welcome.  I read these boards to help me understand my wife, of 30 years, better.  The challenge we have is I am a high sex person and she is a low sex person compares to each other.  From the begging,  we married in our mid 20's and as a male I masturbated a lot, up to six times a day and still had enough left to satisfy my wife mor than she needed.  At this time, she did not know I masturbated at all.  Her thought was she did not, so I did not.  Along and kids, her energy level was lower while pregnet and I masturbation increased.  I did not want to pressure her into sex.  She did hear me in the bathroom several times and did not tell me she new I did this.  Fast forward many years, I still masturbate to porn.  She knew I watched it and was upset about it.  A few more years later, I still masturbate to porn, this would happen at night when she was sleeping as much as seven times in a night.  She did catch me watching porn and masturbating at night and was upset.  We finally talked about this and I told her my choices.  Sex with her more than once every other month, masturbate when I needed to, find someone else or walk around with a very hard erection and sore testicles.  I watch porn and masturbate because it is quick, easy and I like looking at naked women.  I also perfer to looke at my wife and have sex with my wife over porn every time.  Should I suffer because she does not need or want sex as much as I do?  I have not replaced her for porn and I do not spend money on porn.

   Please give me your thoughts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 8:53am

I don't see anything wrong with what you do at all!  But other women are probably going to flay me alive for saying that.  Perhaps the best thing to do is try to go to a counselor; it may not be what you do, but how you communicate to her.  Perhaps an objective 3rd partiy could help her understand your needs. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 10:06am

I don't find anything wrong with what you do.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013
Thu, 05-01-2014 - 5:22pm

I believe this is problematic for your marriage simply because, as you stated, it makes your wife uncomfortable. I applaud you for your honesty with her but it is important for the two of you to be able to trust one another and not just communicate honestly. You can tell her til your blue in the face that your porn watching and masturbating is not replacing her sexually but I seriously doubt she will trust this to be the truth.

Also, excessive masturbation is typically attributed to a deeper unmet need in your life. There may be some root issues in your life that is pushing this type of behavior. IDK - It might be helpful to talk with a counselor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Mon, 05-05-2014 - 1:12am
Thank you for your thoughts on some underlying issue to my excessive masturbation. I have been thinking about you comment for several days. Today is our 28 anniversary. We went out to dinner, watched a movie and went to bed. She is too tired for sex. Again, I find myself in the living room with an erection while my wife is sleeping, debating if I should masturbate and go to bed or stay awake for several more hours surfing the internet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 2:22pm
Wow. I'm sorry man. I know that's tough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2014
Mon, 05-12-2014 - 5:13pm

I completely identify with you.  I also have a much higher sex desire than my wife, and it is very frustrating.

I also get no feedback from my wife at all: nothing verbal, certainly, but nothing non-verbal either.  She just puts up with me and I guess I should be glad for that.  But it leads to a lot of masturbation on my part, and that is not satisfying.  And she complains when I watch porn, but so what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2014
Mon, 05-12-2014 - 5:15pm
I wake up almost every night with an erection, and it does no good to wake her up. So I masturbate...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 05-13-2014 - 11:40am

Personally, I see nothing wrong with masturbating. It's not like you're ignoring your wife. She just doesn't want it.

One thing I do want to mention, other than her being menopausal, does she have any other medical issues? Take any medication? Did she ever enjoy sex? Hormones do some funny, strange things to women, one being decrease in sex drive when menopausal. I think she should be talking with her gyn about it.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Wed, 05-14-2014 - 9:14am
She enjoys sex, it's just that she does not need sex as much as I do. No medication or health issues. Once kids came along, I became last on her list of priorities. Kids are gone now, not much has changed. She also minimizes my need for sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2014
Thu, 05-15-2014 - 5:23am

I don't see why she has a problem with it if she doesn't want sex and don't think you should deny yourself. I'm a 26 yr old woman and have a much higher sex drive than my husband so I watch porn and masturbate regularly.

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