MARRIED "CRUSHES"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
MARRIED "CRUSHES"
7
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 2:40pm
HELLO ALL! I WAS JUST WONDERING IF OTHER "MARRIED" (BEEN TOGETHER 9 YR & 2 KIDS BUT NOT ACTUALLY MARRIED) WOMEN HAVE "CRUSHES"?? IT SEEMS LIKE I DEVELOP "CRUSHES" ON DIFFERENT MEN IN MY LIFE. SOMETIMES IT IS A NEIGHBOR OR SOMEONE FROM WORK. LATELY I HAVE DEVELOPED A CRUSH ON A MAN I MET ON AN ONLINE VIDEO GAME VIA A HEADSET! I HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON MY MAN AND DON'T THINK I EVER WOULD. I FEEL LIKE I AM IN THE 7TH GRADE AGAIN LOL. I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF. MAYBE CUZ I AM SO LONELY. MY MAN WORKS ABOUT 60 HRS A WEEK (NIGHT SHIFT) & IT IS VERY HARD TO MEET OTHER SAHM IN MY AREA. I DON'T REALLY HAVE MUCH IN COMMON WITH THE OTHER MOMS. JUST WONDERING IF THERE ARE ANY OTHERS LIKE ME....BOY CRAZY AT 30!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 2:44pm
My DW has a crush on one of her doctors. BTW-He is very ordinary looking.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:59pm

Sure, I've been attracted to other men during my marriage. And my DH has been attracted to other women but neither of us would ever think of doing anything about it. I think that's normal. After all, we don't go blind when we exchange vows!

Edited to add: You DO need to make sure that all this sexual energy goes toward your husband or you could develop an unhealthy interest in a crush because of loneliness.

Everyone needs affection and attention and it sounds like you're looking for that in other men. Only you know when harmless flirting has gone too far but it would be wise to talk with your DH about spending more time at home.

I know I use this phrase a lot but it does apply..."A garden left untended will soon turn to weeds."




Edited 5/4/2005 6:40 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 8:40am
Married people may still find others attractive, but personally, I haven't found that many people attractive enough to have a crush on them. And even when I have, I didn't take it further than just thinking "He's really cute, sexy...or whatever."
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 4:45pm
I think you might want to evaluate things a little closer. I was married for about 5 years, had "crushes" and actually befriended someone who I found myself falling completely in love with. I realized though that for me that I wasn't in love with my husband and wasn't sure if I ever really was (not saying it's the same for you). I'm sure a large part of it is that he's not around very much, mine was around all the time and I would have rather he not been. The crazy thing is that I realized with my husband it was less like a husband/wife relationship and is actually better as a friendship relationship...again that's me.
I have been separated for quite a long time and will be divorced soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 5:54pm

Sure, I've had crushes off and on for the 20 years I've been married. I don't fantasize about them or hope for anything more, but there have been times I've felt a little more...flirty and attractive than usual...over the years, with a new coworker, a friend of ours, someone. But I don't act on it, I don't seek them out or talk to them privately or encourage anything in anyway. I recognize it for what it is and just ignore it. It ends relatively quickly.

If you're feeling as 'lonely' as your post indicates, I would encourage DH to spend some more time with me. Having a crush and feeling lonely and neglected in our marriage is a faint warning sign.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 8:47pm

Indiana:

Good question. I'm surprised no one has commented yet! I've been married 7 years and have two wonderful girls as a result. I absoloutly looooove Tom Welling from Smallville!
I know I have a crush on him for sure. But I just make sure I don't idolize him, or picture myself with someone like him because I love and respect my husband. I am a christian woman and so I try and keep myself in check.

I know it sounds crazy but it's true! I cann't miss an episode and have had dreams of the man for gods sake! Boy Crazy!! You are right about that. You are not alone. Only most just don't admit to it. I think it is completely healthy as long as you don't begin thinking of that person over wanting to enjoy the pleasures of your husbands time or appearance.

I do understand how it feels not to have that time with your husband though. Mine has been away for about 19 months now and I do my best to get by with a hope and prayer of what my marriage can be when he returns home. A new found appreciation. You are just lonely as you said for yourself. Just be very careful and make sure that the crush remains just that. A girly emagionary feeling that keeps you smiling but not testing the waters!

God bless you...

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 1:29am

"I'm surprised that no one has commented yet?" Huh? Are we on the same thread? I see 5 comments before yours! LOL!

I hope your husband returns home soon!




Edited 5/5/2005 1:31 am ET ET by katmandoo2001