Masturbation vs. Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2010
Masturbation vs. Sex
5
Sun, 07-21-2013 - 4:00pm

My BF masturbates at least once a day. The problem with this is that it tends to interfere with him having sex with me. Usually, he'll do it in the morning/early afternoon, and then by the time that I want to have sex, he is either tired, or can't get it up because of what he did earlier. I had some issues with him masturbating to porn before, but I'm okay with it if he can still have sex with me. Now that there seems to be an issue with the amount of sex we're having, I'm even more concerned, and starting to become upset. 

Anyone else having an issue like this? How have you dealt with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012
Mon, 07-22-2013 - 2:52pm

I don't have a problem with masturbation until it interferes with the intimacy in your relationship. He obviously prefers to have sex alone versus with you, so I think you should reexamine the relationship. Is he willing to talk to you about it, why he feels the need to masturbate versus having sex with a willing partner? Is there something about your sex life that he doesn't like, or doesn't enjoy? He might just be lazy and doesn't want to expend the energy it takes to satisfy his partner. I think a serious conversation needs to happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Sat, 08-03-2013 - 5:48pm

I'm confused. He's taking care of his needs and not bothering you for sex. Sounds like a win-win. What's the problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2013
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 9:25pm

Have you spoken up??? I would be really frustrated if my husband prefered masturbation over sex with me. Actually, he wouldn't be my husband if that were the case. Tell him how you're feeling and what you want. See if there are aspects of the masturbation he likes that you guys can work into partner sex. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2013
Sat, 08-10-2013 - 2:35am
omg....i have always had to take care of my needs because of lame men that i have been with. i could have sex twice a day even at my age. im 43. my man blames it on being tired but i know that isn't the problem. he would rather watch porn and play with himself instead of being with me. so where does that leave me? hmmmmm, have many others that can please me and i do just that.
Avatar for purp2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
Sat, 08-10-2013 - 3:37pm

Masterbation is a part of sex not either or.

Erections should be able to be attained more than once a day. Lots of men do masterbate every day and have no problem with partnered sex.

I think there are other issues here and you are wasting time focusing on his masterbation habits.