to the men -

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
to the men -
34
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 7:39am

cont'd from the previous email-to the women -nonsexual touch leading to sex.. the answers that has been give has helped.

Men what do you consider nonsexual touch to be and -I have yet to hear from you and or what is sexual on a woman to you? If you men hare easily stimulated in most cases -and need to take cold showers to lets say to when you can't receive it - wouldn't that be saying you are easily triggured when in one aspect you are... so if you are almost always desiring sex or anything related to it -can you touch and not want sex and if so why etc. ???????It seems to me that if are easily stimulated -any nonsexual touch for you would almost always lead and be sexual except for a nonsexual guy...

Doesn't kissing for you have a taste of sex in it...?

Judith

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: sjudma
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 8:21am
Judith, men don't want, need or desire sex ALL the time.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
In reply to: sjudma
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 8:53am

Thank you for your response it helped...

I recognize the fact that men dont want anything sexual ALL the time -I understand what you are saying about that fact. But thank you for your response I needed it -but not sure if i can explain what i am trying to say in why -there is fact that even though it is not ALL the time that they want it -it is fact even kinsey ask men about it besides me and even one or two men on here validated that it is a fact tht men think, granted they might not act on it all the time, but think it most of the time at least more than ten times a day so, but if they thinking and it is a biological fact that it is there within them all the time.. it can surface at any time

then how does he if you can answer this not have the desire for it because of this biological fact and I accept that you say that men want affection to but it seems to appear to me that even if they dont want anything sexual and want affection -how can what ...how can -not sure how to word this--- what makes touching the breast sexual and not affection and vice versa -if he touched you for you to satisfy a sexual urge then and those are some of the parts sexual then -affection vs sexual... I recognize it was sexual for you and not for him and i accept and it helped to see it was not sexual for him but...

struggling for words here.

Judith

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sjudma
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 4:24pm

You know, Judith, it might be easier to understand and answer your questions if you gave SOME indication of where you're coming from sexually. And that doesn't require disclosing intimate details and personal experiences, but just a framework, a basic idea of your sexual experience.

For example, are you a virgin? Is there sexual abuse in your background? Ever been in a serious relationship?.....those types of things. Most of us share SOME idea of where we are in our sexual development on this board.

It's just very difficult to believe that you need to ask these very basic questions though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
In reply to: sjudma
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 6:53pm

While you're struggling for words, I'm struggling to make out the gist of your messages. I don't mean this to be insulting, but are you typing too fast or just not able to express yourself clearly in writing?

Anyway, it seems to me that you are searching for sweeping generalizations or truths in scenarios that are very personal and situational. Some men think about sex all the time, some don't. For some one kind of touch is sexual, for others it's not. Is that okay with you? Why the need to find clear cut, black and white answers when they simply aren't there?

I am not the most sexually experienced person out there so I use this board to draw on other people's knowledge or experience to help me with this or that concern. It really helps when posters provide the context or backstory behind their particular queries and I try to do the same when I post. This way, people who respond can direct their comments in the most relevant and helpful way. To echo what others have said to you Judith, if you give us a better sense of where you're coming from I think you'll find the responses much more helpful to you. As it is it seems that you are equally frustrated with the responses as the respondents are with your queries.

But I really am curious to know more about why you are interested in these things. To me they seem like questions a child just becoming aware of sex might ask.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
In reply to: sjudma
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 7:02pm

I am not looking for text book responses but verbal responses and "personal"

see other emails for info..

it is both i have hard time writing online only becuase of several reasons. my mind works faster than my hands. Sometimes it is hard to express myself.

Judith

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: sjudma
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 7:14pm

You're not the only one struggling for words here.

You answered your own question:
You understand that men do not want sex ALL the time.
Men think about sex a lot of the time.
Somewhere in the middle of those two statements there is an area where men can receive or give physical touch that doesn't lead to sex or cause a desire for sex.

You mentioned a touching a breast. A breast is an erogenous zone and a sexual area on a women. Any man that touches a breast cannot help but consider the sexual aspect of it whether or not he wants sex at that time. A man that does not want sex is unlikely to touch a woman's breast. We're not much different than women in this respect. Yes, we might think about sex more often, but we think approximately the same things as women do when they touch people. A woman could not touch a man's penis and not think about the sexual aspect of that.

Edited to add:
I just don't understand what you are asking or how you fail to relate to what we are talking about? As one of the other posters said, you give the impression that you are a child that is just asking about sex. But it seems that even a child understands this subject better than you do.
I assume that you are over the age of 18yo. Have you never had sexual feelings or emotions or desire for a man? Have you never been touched by a boy or a man? Have you ever had physical contact with a man? I, and most people here, just can't relate to what you are asking or why you seem to be asking for answers that can't easily be put into words or defined in any way.




Edited 5/16/2006 7:22 pm ET by westridge2001
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sjudma
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:07pm

Judith, I think you ARE looking for "textbook responses" though because you always seem to doubt the real and personal responses you get here. No one has any reason to answer any other way.

Nothing, including sex, is so cut and dried that there is one answer for all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
In reply to: sjudma
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 11:47pm

I think cold showers are a bit of a cliche.

I am a woman so I can only respond to what my SO does. We definetly have kissing and touching between us that is purely affection and not leading anywhere -- at least for the time being. He will touch my face, stroke my hair, hug me tight, hold my hand, kiss me, stroke my arm, rub my shoulders. He has the self control to be able to do these things even though it can't lead to intercourse - he can keep things in perspective.

However, when he touches my breasts -- he is definetly sexually aroused. That is not something he does unless we are able to be intimate - OR - due to circumstances beyond our control we haven't been able to be together alone and we are giving each other a little taste of what is to come down the road.
It comes down to knowing your partner. We have been together for a few years so I know when his caresses are purely affectionate and when they are passionate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: sjudma
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 12:30am

You want to hear the personal experiences of other people...but you won't share YOUR personal experiences. Have you ever HAD any personal experiences?

Guess what, everyone's minds work faster than their hands....that's why there is an "edit" feature here. If you ever re-read your own posts, you'll understand that they're difficult to understand, and too "general" to respond to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
In reply to: sjudma
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 12:38am

In other emails the FYI or explanation is given -if you want details or answeres to those questions I will give privately. I am 38 and I dont know how to answer some of your questions because -not sure if i can give you an answer. it is really complicated.

I may give off the impression that i dont understand but i do in some places and not in others but the emoticon on the posting thing will not let you choose more than one emoticon and ...

The responses are helpful. I see it even if you don't

Judith

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