to the men -
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| Tue, 05-16-2006 - 7:39am |
cont'd from the previous email-to the women -nonsexual touch leading to sex.. the answers that has been give has helped.
Men what do you consider nonsexual touch to be and -I have yet to hear from you and or what is sexual on a woman to you? If you men hare easily stimulated in most cases -and need to take cold showers to lets say to when you can't receive it - wouldn't that be saying you are easily triggured when in one aspect you are... so if you are almost always desiring sex or anything related to it -can you touch and not want sex and if so why etc. ???????It seems to me that if are easily stimulated -any nonsexual touch for you would almost always lead and be sexual except for a nonsexual guy...
Doesn't kissing for you have a taste of sex in it...?
Judith

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I truly hope you don't mean that you were raped!! If so, you should be talking to police, not us! All of your questions make more sense now.....you're trying to figure out what you did to cause him to do this to you. You think maybe you touched him wrong, or did something to make him lose control and hurt you.
If you were raped, or sexually assaulted against your will....you need to understand that you didn't cause it to happen. No matter WHAT you do, no man has a right to do that to you. You could dance naked in front of him, and he has NO RIGHT to touch you unless you want him to.
Also, you need to understand that rape or assault is not about sex....it's about power and violence. A man who rapes isn't looking for sex, he's proving his power over you, and his hatred for women.
If this is what happened to you, you need to talk to the police, because if you don't, he'll do it to other women, too. And you need to get some professional help....so that you realize that it wasn't your fault. The answers you're getting here aren't helping you in this situation. We're talking about "normal" men.....and a "normal" man doesn't assault a woman no matter how she touches him, or kisses him.
This is the very reason why i didn't want to say anything because -I didn't give all of the facts and what you said is not the case. except there is control issues yes.
SEe why I didn't want to say anything. This is the kind of responses i get and what you said is not the case. I again am not going to give details. on here.
I am not the only one if you read most of the posts on sex -and I am not the only one that is benefitting from this group that has ....
Judith
In my response after this one -I didn't mean to sound negative towards you if i did. I reread what i wrote after I sent it and it sounded negative to me and that wasn't intended.
Judith
If you read my other responses to the responses I have gotten from the ones that have responded you will see what I have received that has been helpful by my thanking them for their responses and saying it helped. And why -I dont know.
Judith
your welcome and i hope i dont come across as hurtful towards you. I sometimes struggle with your responses. Not sure how to handle them.
Judith
Thank you for the response-it helped.
Judith
I understand you and agree with you. It is neither of those two .......
Judith
I am 38.
and I dont intend for it to sound like a child but I dont know how else to word things and "questions" are my way of putting into words.
It is not about curiosity. For give me if i have already responded. Your answeres are helpful.
Judith
Forgive me if I am wrong, but asking questions and looking for answers? Sounds like you are defining curiosity at present.
Anyway no matter, whatever motivates you, you want info. Unfortunately anything I tell you will be just as subjective as anything else anyone has already posted or will post later (it is the nature of the beast).
Sex is on the minds of allot of people a great deal of the time. Freud thought that ALL thoughts are driven by sex, and while I think he was a smart guy, I am reluctant to make such generalization. But peoples sexual tastes and preferences differ as much as peoples tastes in food (not that they are connected in any way, more that they have things in common). As body parts go: some people like big boobies, some like smaller, some like them period regardless of size (And I take this moment to say "HOORAY FOR BOOBIES!!!" ;) Some people like butts, some like lips, some like legs, some like big people, and a few even like feet. On the subject of sexual activity: Some people only ever go for strait missionary intercourse, while others want to try all the positions in the Kama Sutra and then some, some people love Oral Sex, some love Anal, Some like lots of Boobie play, and a whole bunch more. There is nothing really odd or wrong about any of these things And like ones taste or preference in food, sexual desires can change over time depending on a number of factors, As an example, I hated Bell Peppers all my life, could not stand them on any of my food. But recently I was at a small restaurant in LA and had a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich... the darn thing was loaded with them, but on a whim I tried it anyway and loved it! I’m not saying I would eat a Bell Pepper by itself now, but I am certainly not opposed to having them in my food. Same kind of rules apply to sex, My wife didn't much go for the 69 position when we first tried it, but after trying it a few times she found she enjoyed it more and more. Now she even initiates it herself sometimes. Same thing with having sex from behind (doggie style) not to fond of it at first but is now actually one of her favs.
On another note, you said you were once hurt sexually, and that you don’t wish to post exactly how in the Forums, and while I agree that it is hard to give you the information you need without knowing your specific situation (and I also support the idea that our anonymity in these forums is pretty well protected). I do respect that you do not wish to post publicly your issues.
ANYWAY. There is allotting of different ways people can be hurt sexually. The damage can be done physically like with Rape, Child Molestation or even being degraded sexually by your significant other(forcing certain acts upon you against your will)it can be emotional like being the victim of verbal slander or made the but of a sexual joke. There really are countless ways someone can HURT you SEXUALLY, but what they all have in common is that the person whom hurt you was most likely not doing it for sexual gratification; it was more likely about power. Usually people who seek to have or demonstrate this kind of power over others do so because of some shortcoming they feel inside of them causing them to lash out at others (like the guy in school who made fun of other kids for being nerds when his real problem was that they made him feel stupid) is it the smart kids fault that the bully feels dumb... not at all! Should someone stop being Smart so the bully doesn’t pick on him? HELL NO. he should groom his gift grow up, become successful and be glad he wasn't like that bully when he goes to his 20 year reunion and finds that while he is pulling a 6 figure income that the jackass who chastised him in school now works at a car wash... Sorry, got sidetracked there. The difference is that hurting someone sexually not only has a more immediate effect but it tends to stick with someone for a long time as well. unfortunately few people get over these things without some form of therapy... but even then it has to be with a good therapist, AND you have to be able to get along and be able to openly communicate with the Therapist (Just like with anything else, It's important to shop around).
The way you prefer to make yourself sound is that you are a Non-Sexual Person, and while I have nothing against that, most people who are non-sexual are so because of bad past experience, or in some cases chemical imbalances (There was a book I read called "An Anthropologist on Mars that addressed a case of a woman whom never had sexual feelings her entire life, no abuse, no bad experiences, just had an aversion even to platonic feelings of love, or physical contact)
Anyway, I have gone on about this long enough, I don’t know of it is any help at all but that’s all I got for now.
-K
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