?? for MEN about FANTASIES

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
?? for MEN about FANTASIES
10
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 10:19am

My DH had a bizarre dream about seeing his teenage son get his first blow job, then expressed it as a sexual fantasy. Should I be worried?

I'm trying to understand the meaning behind men's sexual fantasies. Is the fantasy something he really wants to do, or is it something he would never even consider?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 1:04pm

A DREAM is one thing, but a fantasy is a conscious thought. So, I also think it's a little weird to fantasize about a son's sexual experiences! However, what he MAY have meant, was that he was relating that thought to his OWN first oral experience and what a thrill it was.

I would hope that he isn't thinking of arranging that for his son so that he can watch though because I think parents need to stay out of their adult children's sex lives!

And a fantasy can be either an indication of a real desire or something that one would NEVER want to make a reality. Like the rape fantasies that some women have.




Edited 4/27/2005 1:06 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2005
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 1:37pm

Try to put things in perspective and remember that men "fantacize" about sex something like 3 times a minute ! Usually it is just a passing thing they don't think of anymore. For example if someone in an office has cleavage showing, that's guaranteed to start a fantasy. Same if a secretary is bending over (especially in a skirt) to pick something up or fill a copy machine.

Personally, I am doubting the 'dream thing'. I think that would be wierd but maybe the safest way for him to tell you about it (not admitting it as a fantasy).

Does he know if his son is sexually active? Has he seen a girlfriend that he (the Dad) might fantacize about? Remember that men "really like" 18 year old girls when they are 18 and that pretty much does not change no matter how old they get.

It may surprise you but, as a avid newspaper reader and Newsweek subscriber, recent studies indicate that a BJ has become what a "kiss goodnight" was 20 years ago. It usually starts in Junior High and some huge percentage (40%+) of both boys and girls have done it by high school. After that, its wide open. (No pun intended)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 11:31am
No, the stats don't surprise me. That's actually why I originally came to this website. My 14 (almost 15) daughter left some notes between her and her "boyfriend" out in our spare room that indicate stuff is going on. My wife and I talked to her to see what was happening and she said they have only "made out". Now, I don't know what the difference between making out is today and what it was 20 years ago, but I was extremely dissapointed to learn that she and her friends feel that oral sex is not considered sex to the new generation! She says she hasn't done it (oral or otherwise) but I tend to not believe her due to what I read in her notes. We talked about STD's and how they can affect her, but you know what 14 year olds are like. They think they are invincible and that nothing bad will happen to them. She has been told all her life she is not even allowed a boyfriend until AT LEAST 16, so we have severely restricted her freedoms. I know I'll get some flack from some of you for this, but I see no other option. She doesn't believe what we tell her and she lies consistently about going to friends houses or we find out later that the boy is there also. I know the argument that if she's kept "under control" that she'll rebel even harder, but I see it as "invasive parenting". I'm not her friend (yet), I'm her father and my responsibility is to protect her, sometimes from herself. If she goes to college (or at least turns 18) and goes wild, then fine. At least she'll be an adult and I'll not be responsible for her mistakes. In the meantime, I'm starting to lift some restrictions, but not enough to let the leash go too far. Yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 3:10pm
I agree with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
Sat, 05-14-2005 - 1:37pm
I would talk to your husband. Comunication is key. I think I would be concerned also about the fantasy. Especialy since it's your son we are talking about. As men we have sooo many fantasy's. I would never fanasize about one of my kids. At least I hope not. I feel it is wrong. Maybe he would like to see oral performed between a couple in person. But I would doubt that since he specified watching his son.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 10:07am
My stepson is in college and and he and I have in depth conversations about sex. Dad likes to know details because it allows him I guess to re-live his past. Don't sweat it too much from his part...I have to admit though I feel a bit odd when my stepson tells me ALL the details...sometimes I get horny though but I take it out with my hubby
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 11:10am
Why does your stepson tell you or your husband details of his sex life?

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 3:16pm

"when my stepson tells me ALL the details...sometimes I get horny"

oh please! Isn't that on the verge of being against the law?????????? Or at the least out of the movie Deliverance??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 11:49am

Lilac,

We all dream symbolically. We take bits and pieces of our days, experiences (thoughts, dialogues, stresses etc.) and our brains cobble together images based on that information. So symbolically, your husbands son (in the dream) is really your husband. All of the characters in our dreams are us...even if they wear the face of another, we are each of the characters because the dream is our thoughts. We play all the parts in dreams and that's the way that our psyche processes stress or unconscious needs. Your husbands dream was simply expressing his own playful, youthful, sexual side.

However, fantasizing about the dream and mistaking the image of his son as his son itself is probably not healthy. Best for him to be aware of the fact that he was expressing something within himself...maybe a need to return to the newness and playfulness of sex. So often we take sex so seriously, and ultimately it is just adult "play" as well as a way to get closer to each other.

Peace.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2002
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 8:19am
I think that this is something you all missed... he fantasized about seeing his son get his first blow job... NOT give his son his first blow job - big difference. This is like a coming of age (no pun intended) type of desire - passing from boyhood into manhood. he wants to "share the experience" so to speak, on a more spiritual level, not physical activity. Believe it or not, some cultures have fathers take their sons to women/brothels to share their devirginization / becoming a man. I believe neither have anything to do with the other - you do not have to lose virginity to BE a man, but that's ME. Our culture, our mainstream societal values celebrates the teenage loss of male virginity as being a "stud," but OTOH, frowns on female deflowering as being a "slut." I think virginity and sexuality is sacred and private - so, to me, I could never dream of being with my son when he experiences sex... at any age. Then again, that is IMHO - your husband may have a completely different defined set of values that are just as important to him.