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| Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:47am |
Not sure how to do this and i know this is going to sound odd given what i have asked before but I need some confirmation on what i have received here which has been very helpful and what i know to be true. (and to explain how i know it to be true is goign to be very hard)
I have understood that nonsexual touch leads to sex; anything related to sex meaning not only just intercourse that there is more than just intercourse that even like touching the breasts is also a part of sex and intercourse etc. -that is only one example that comes to mind. I am asking this in the vein of is this true or not... not that ...
nonsexual touch like a person putting their head on the persons shoulder.. and so on..which gets the ball a rolling that leads to sex. .. -i also know that -(of course when someone wants sex) I also know that nonsexual is important to a woman before sexual touch... sexual touch meaning breasts etc.
Since i dont know -what you are going to ask me I am going to leave this this way before i can say more.
I think i know but not sure. please respond on this..
Judith

Judith, there are NO truisms in the relationships of men and women. Everyone is different. Every situation is different. There is nothing constant, nothing consistent in love, sex, or even just friendship. You are trying to understand something that is NOT understandable. You are trying to put a pattern on something that doesn't follow a pattern. You are trying to make love/sex into a textbook, and that can't be done. Whatever you learn or figure out with and about your current partner means NOTHING when you have a new partner, because everyone is different. What this partner does, your next partner may not.
Non sexual touch is exactly that....NONSEXUAL. It can lead to sex, or it may NOT lead to sex. Putting a head on someone's shoulder has nothing to do with sex. It's called affection. In some cases it MIGHT lead to sex, but in other cases, it might not, the person isn't looking for sex, just being affectionate. Holding hands and/or kissing can be NON sexual...even a kiss doesn't always mean the person is looking for sex.
Two adults can be affectionate with each other....sometimes it will lead to sex, other times it won't. Touching means nothing without intent. I can kiss my partner in public, and it's a KISS......nothing more. In private, it can still be just a kiss, or it can be an invitation to sex. It depends on many things. When we're in a car together, sometimes I reach over and caress or massage his neck while he's driving. That's a touch of affection, and has nothing to do with sex. If I did that in the bedroom, it would probably lead to sex.
Whatever kind of answers you're seeking, they can't come from other people, only from yourself and whomever you might be involved with. What we can tell you about ourselves has no bearing on you and your life. You are unique, and your relationships are unique, as mine are, and everyone else's is. We all have to figure things out for ourselves.
I am not looking for a textbook response. I am needing a personal verbal response.
I am only asking for if it happens at all and .....
Judith
It's ALL Relavent.
As Dakine said, non-sexual touching is non-sexual touching.
Judith, my personal response to WHAT? My personal experiences have NOTHING to do with your personal experiences. I am not you, and you are not me. How I might respond to any kind of touch is not how you might respond.
If you want answers, you have to ask questions....and those questions that are bothering you are based on YOUR personal experiences. But if no one understands what you're trying to find out, then they can't help you. You keep saying you'll respond in email, but the reason we're here is to participate on this board...not to get involved personally with a stranger in email. Why would you be willing to share information with me personally when you won't share it on an anonymous message board? You don't know me...why not tell everyone your real problems....and then possibly they can offer you some insight to your problem(s).
I'm sorry, but your questions are incomplete, and make no sense most of the time. How can anyone respond with a sensible answer when they're not sure what you're asking?
I melt when a man puts his hands on my shoulders. It doesn't mean sex will happen, though my melting body says "now". Our kissing, deep & long, and huge intense hugs don't always lead to sex. It just means we want to be physical with each other.
IMO, every non-sexual contact could be a sexual contact depending on the mood of the person doing the touching and or what the person being touched is feeling.
In my 17 yr marriage I forget the number of times I would carress his chest, his arms, his crouch and even sometimes his legs. I would trace his ear, his moustache and his eyebrows, yet he'd never move toward me at all. I spent years touching him this way (because it was something that I wanted/needed to do), though sex was rarely the result. However, in my book, every touch I did was for a sexual reason, but it his book I was a bother.
I read your question four or five times and I'm still not sure what you want from it, or what you hope to achieve from getting any responses.
Non-sexual touch: Sometimes it leads to sex. Many times it doesn't.
It depends on the two people involved and their ever changing feelings, thoughts, moods, and experiences. One person touches, the other person is touched. How they react depends on many many different things.
If one or both people desire sex then even an innocent non-sexual touch can lead to sex.
If neither person desires sex then even a sexual touch may not lead to sex.
That's about as accurate as we can get with your question.
Thank you this helped.
Judith