Men and women think differently.
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| Wed, 12-14-2005 - 7:19am |
There's an ad on TV that I've seen several times recently. It's for a national jewelry store chain. It starts with a woman sitting alone in her home on Christmas Eve. She was phoned by her man to inform her that a major snow storm might prevent him from getting home tonight. She hears the sound of a vehicle, and it turns out to be a snowplow that stops in front of her house. She looks out the window, and the man descends from the plow, having obviously moved heaven and earth to get home to her. They embrace, she looks at him with loving eyes, he gives her a gift of jewelry, and they hug again.
I'll bet most women think: "How romantic." As a guy, I was thinking: "He's going to get laid tonight!" Am I right, or do some of you think differently from what I expect for your gender?

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I think your initial post was pretty clear, Man.
But frankly, I think the guy was going to get some good loving that night even if he showed up empty-handed! As I mentioned before, the gift of jewelry was just the cherry on top of the sundae!
Right there is a fundememtal difference between men and women. No matter what the couples problems are, most men are still up for sex...While women deny their men sex, use it as a weapon, for what is normally petty issues...He didnt hang up his towel, left socks on the floor, forgot to take out the trash..All kinds of excuses. Sometimes It seems its just excuses because of a generally lower libido. In most couples we all know who holds the gate key, the woman does. Again I said in most couples...If a woman is upset with her man, communicate it.. tell him. (if she cooks) Dont make dinner until he hears her..Many women find it justifiable to withhold sex, and it just becomes a catch 22 from there.
There is an old saying...A man who will not read is no better off than a man who can not read... That goes for sex and women also... A woman who will not have sex is no better off than a woman who can not have sex...lol
Hump....
Here's a typical story....
A woman's husband controls her. He treats her like a child. Of course HE still wants to have sex with her because HE's happy with the arrangement. They argue constantly because NOTHING changes. She is ALWAYS trying to communicate, but he just doesn't listen. He wants it his way and that's it. She doesn't withhold sex, she just doesn't want it. She is harboring many resentments because of their "arrangement." Many of the other stories are very much the same. However, as I stated, their libidos are fine(they still masturbate and still get horny), they just don't feel it for their spouses(understandably so).
You say that men(unlike women) will have sex even if they're not happy with the relationship? I disagree. Maybe some men, but I know my DH doesn't....and never has. Men are not robots....they have feelings too.
I'm not saying that there aren't women(or men) who literally withhold sex from their partners(when all else is good in the relationship) due to libido issues or just plain selfishness, manipulation, and control, but from what I can tell, more likely than not, when a woman doesn't want to have sex with her SO, it's because there's an underlying issue within the relationship--and HE just doesn't get it(or want to get it). tee hee
Hump, there is more there than meets the eye. There are many reasons why women will stop WANTING and DESIRING to have sex with their husbands. But my only point in all of this was that simply because a woman stops having sex, doesn't mean her libido's low....she just may be channeling all of that energy...elsewhere(is that a word?). ;-)
Edited 12/20/2005 4:11 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Well, hump, as Rain pointed out, what if the wife IS communicating her "petty irritations", etc. to her spouse though, and he continually ignores it. Or just downplays her concerns as "nagging?" Don't you think that can affect her affection for him, as well as her libido?
Sorry, but I don't know too many men who want sex with someone who is constantly disrespectful and ignores their feelings and requests. So, IMO, your theory is faulty about that.
I definitely believe that keeping communication open and ongoing in a marriage is key to happiness, in and out of the bedroom, but it requires doing MORE than just having words go in one ear and out the other. It requires action.
Most women appreciate the same things men do and being HEARD by your partner is just one of those things that is key.
Edited 12/20/2005 6:04 pm ET by katmandoo2001
Testosterone and estrogen. That should answer your question about why women need to be warmed up. We're under the influence of two different hormones. It's easier for most men, not all, to get turned on quickly because you have more testosterone. But you're wrong to assume that a woman should react and respond the way you do as a man! Because she isn't supposed to.
IF you want a woman to desire sex with you, then you have to be desirable and create an environment where she will feel desirable herself.
But IF you are using your sexuality as a measuring stick of a woman's, then you're always going to be disappointed, I'm afraid. There are two sexes and two forms of sexuality. You simply cannot use your sexuality to judge mine and visa versa. We're different because we're supposed to be. I'm not defective because I don't think the way you do or react the way you do.
I would agree that women seem to be able to put sex on the back burner, when necessary. But I believe that's because women generally are the nurturers and caretakers of children in a family. I believe that we can focus on what's most important at the time in order to take of our responsibilities but that doesn't mean that we don't like or desire sex. We can just put our priorities in order when it becomes necessary. Maybe you take that as permanent sexual disinterest but I see it as a necessary ability for mothers.
So, men and women are different because we're supposed to be and unless you can accept that, then you might consider batting for the other side for awhile. It might be less frustrating for you.
Edited 12/20/2005 5:58 pm ET by katmandoo2001
That's what I've been saying all along, men and women are different: Men want to have sex and women don't!
Or are you just saying that it's unreasonable for a man to expect a woman to initiate sex like a man would? Or at all?
And where did raising children enter into the discussion? It's a given that women lose interest in sex when they have children, I was talking about before that.
Wow, you know how to twist words to fit your point of view, don't you? LOL! I never said that women don't like sex, YOU did. And if this is YOUR version of being objective, then YOU need to break out the dictionary, my friend.
Most women I know, including myself, have active, satisfying sex lives with their partners, before and after children came along. But we WORK on it. We compromise. We enjoy and initiate sex because we love our partners and because we get something out of the experience of giving and receiving pleasure. It's good for both of us AND the relationship. Unbelievable but true.
And you asked why women can put sex on the back burner, well the fact that women have and nurture children would be the reason for that innate ability. We would put babies, and children at risk if we were sniffing around for sex when they needed our attention! There are sometimes, MORE important things to think about than getting laid. Believe it or not.
And your point of view seems to be that unless a woman desires sex and reacts the way a man does, then something's wrong with her. Well, Rice, as I recommended, go bat for the other team, then you won't have this issue to deal with and you might find you're less frustrated. You'll certainly understand one another better. Seriously, consider it.
Edited 12/20/2005 6:18 pm ET by katmandoo2001
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