men, masturbation and sex drive

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
men, masturbation and sex drive
12
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 3:17pm
wow, i havent' been here in a while, but i have a quick question i hope someone could answer. My BF just told me he hasn't masturbated in a LONG time because he learned in high school that it lowers your sex drive. I knew already that naturally men can't keep having erections/orgasms immediately over and over, but it seemed like he meant it was a long-term effect of masturbation, and i never heard of that, i just wondered if anyone knew if that was true. Is it also possible that NOT masturbating could actually lower sex drive, because he's been having problems in that area for almost a year now, and i wondered if that might be a cause instead of what he was saying about benefits of not masturbating. If anyone has any insights, they would be appreciated! thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:38am
Aranti,

Healthy masturbation doesn't lower the sex drive, in fact, being sexual tends to make you more sexual. However, masturbating twenty minute before having sex can certainly be a problem. SOunds like he is having some problems and may need a little help.

Peace.

Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 12:36pm
In high school? That's surprising, because I would think that a man in his prime has literally a very short or NO refractory period at all(there are exceptions). Perhaps what your BF is referring to is the refractory period. The refractory period does include "disinterest in sex" and it varies from male to male. However, it's important to note that just because someone is disinterested, doesn't mean that they can't become so, it only means that the desire to initiate isn't present. Do you initiate, and if you do, does he refuse you often? It might be helpful to describe in more detail what exactly is going on.

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http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/?article=activity&refid=034#refract

Refractory Period

The refractory period is the one significant difference in the sexual response cycle of males and females. The refractory period occurs during the resolution phase. It is a time when a man cannot reach excitement, plateau, or orgasm through any kind of sexual stimulation. This period can last from a few minutes to days, depending on age and frequency of sexual activity, among other things. Women do not experience a refractory period, and they are capable of reaching orgasm from anywhere during resolution. Women have the potential to have multiple orgasms, but a woman may not want to have a second or third orgasm. In order to determine the woman's feelings on this matter, good communication between partners is extremely important.

A note about desire

Not all sexual activity is prefaced by sexual desire. For example, a couple may be trying to have a baby, so even though they may not have sexual desire on one day, they may still engage in sexual activity. Many times people will respond to their partner's sexual approaches even if desire was not present to begin with.

It sometimes seems that women experience sexual desire less than men. In many cases, men initiate sex so often that women do not notice their rising sexual desire since the man has expressed his.

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