to the men -not sure what to title
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to the men -not sure what to title
| Fri, 05-05-2006 - 1:04am |
Not sure how to word this. Help...
Men -it is said that women dont know how many times a day you think about sex. and that a woman can turn a mans head regardless. Because you are relate in the physical. and how do you handle it?
do you think about sex or anything sexual related and how may times? twice day , 20 times or 30 times..
if any.. What is the sexual thought if it is a sexual thought?
Is beauty sexual to you?
What is the beauty of a woman that turns your head?
Men are physical beings.
Men relate physically so ..... how do you handle it if you dont receive it?
Judith

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Hi Judith:
Has she ever said verbally to you no not now? and how did you handle it?
When my wife, Gail, says NOT NOW, I still want to touch her! I like to give her a massage; just to keep the physical touching going. Usually, I give her feet or calves massage after a hard day...
At 56, I find that looking at a woman does NOT bring out the sexual urge. I just like to look at the beauty of the woman.
When I hear my wife's voice (on the phone or in person), I get an instant erection.
Also, my wife's touch will bring out the urges.
Mac
Thank you this helped.
Judith
Oww...It is so wonderful that you feel that way about your wife!...I almost cried from reading your commentary. I have been married for a very long time and I can tell you that my husband does not feel that way about me..:(
I am very happy for both of you!
judith, do YOU have sexual thoughts about men? Do you feel aroused or warm and tingly when you see a man that you find attractive? Do you find yourself wondering or daydreaming about how it might feel to have him touch you, or to kiss you? Can you look at a man that you like and think he's very sexy, or very handsome? Perhaps his voice or seeing him makes you feel good inside?
If you have had any of that happen to you then you can understand that men are not a lot different than women when it comes to thinking about sex or what thoughts go through their minds when they see someone that they find attractive. Yes, perhaps men think about sex more often in a day, Yes, perhaps men think about sexual acts more often during the day but the process of seeing beauty or a sexually attractive person and then thinking about sexual thoughts is not much different for men than it is for women.
When you look around you at every person that you see, you will find some ordinary, some attractive, some you will consider more beautiful than sexy, some will be sexually appealing, some you will judge to be unpleasant and perhaps even ugly. Each individual person has their own personal triggers and values when it comes to what they find attractive and what they find to be unattractive. These vary depending on your mood, your frame of mind at the time, your current emotions and thoughts, and the setting that you are in. For the most part you do this unconciously and it is more like a feeling than a concious thought. Sometimes you do have a concious and clear thought about it the person or their body part or what ever it is that has triggered the thought. Sometimes that thought leads to a sexual thought. That sexual thought might be as simple as "That's sexy" and you move on with your day and the thought goes out of your head, sometimes it might lead to a more detailed and specific thought "That's sexy, I can imagine the shape of her naked breasts beneath her clothes". The thought might stop there. But it might go further too or get more specific "I can imagine her naked body, I can picture what it would be like to suck her nipples, or to have her performing oral sex on me". Perhaps your thoughts will be time consuming enough or arousing enough that your body responds and you start to feel sexually aroused. A man may or may not get an erection if he thinks about the thought for long enough.
Again, depending on the situation, he may become very aroused and be distracted from his day-to-day thoughts by his body's reaction. If he chooses to ignore it he will probably be distracted by day-today thoughts and his body will stop being aroused. The term "A cold shower" is a figure of speech. Yes, very cold water will stop you thinking about sexual thoughts! But equally a man can do something else to take his mind of the sexual thoughts. In normal day-today life the normal thoughts that you have in the office or while driving the car or while interacting with people is more than enough to prevent a person from thinking too deeply about any sexual thoughts. However, if I was alone in a room with a sexy woman that would have sex with me and I had no distractions and lots of time to think about her and my thoughts then I would probably become aroused.
I've gone into this in some detail and talked a lot. However, I find it difficult to believe that you cannot relate to what I, and we, are talking about. Surely you have and have had similar thoughts in the past about a man or a situation that you found to be sexy or arousing or attractive? I find it very difficult to believe that you have *never* found your thoughts about an attractive person drifting towards sexual thoughts like what it would feel like to touch him, or to have him touch you.
You said: I find it very difficult to believe that you have *never* found your thoughts about an attractive person drifting towards sexual thoughts like what it would feel like to touch him, or to have him touch you.
No I have and choose not to have a man touch me except for the people who have to touch you or like family members. I have had attraction to the opposite sex but not sexual thoughts.
I will not again give details on here.
Judith
"No I have and choose not to have a man touch me except for the people who have to touch you or like family members. I have had attraction to the opposite sex but not sexual thoughts."
Everyone has their own comfort levels with respect to disclosing personal information and I respect that. My guess is that you are curious about sex and are trying to get information about what certain experiences are like, but your cageyness about disclosing anything about where you are coming from stems from your own shame or embarrassment about having these thoughts. Which is totally your prerogative but do know that there's nothing wrong with having sexual feelings. No disrespect, but I am dubious when you say you've been attracted to the opposite sex but never had sexual thoughts. You may not have recognized that you were actually having sexual thoughts. I say this because I grew up in a pretty repressed family when it came to sex. It just wasn't discussed and the subtext was that anyone who did openly think about talk about it was somehow bad. I'd totally internalized all of this as an adult and could barely admit to myself, much less anyone around me, that I thought about sex, when in fact I thought about it a lot because it was so taboo.
I came out of my shell in my late 20s when I stepped out of my comfort zone and acknowledged to myself that I did want to have those experiences. Rather than thinking I was bad to admit this, I realized that it just made me normal. To me it was part of fulfilling what it meant to be human. Sex is all about being human, so what could be so wrong with that, right?
My hunch (and I could be wrong as you've shot down most others who have tried to reach out to you) is that you're coming from a similar place. I used to ask similar cryptic questions like yours or listen voraciously as my friends talked about sex, and all the while I'd never openly acknowledge that I was a sexual being. Now I am in my first truly satisfying relationship with a man and able to express my sexual attraction without fear or shame. And it's a wonderful thing. I hope you can one day do the same but until then, don't feel any shame or embarrassment about your own feelings.
I've used these boards to help deal with some of my own inhibitions and I think that is one of the wonderful functions of these anonymous forums. I can admit things that I might be uncomfortable admitting to family and friends and not feel judged. I actually find the sex boards to be less judgmental than the others, perhaps because in society we are so close-minded and judgmental when it comes to sex, so for many, it's only in a forum such as this one where we can fully open up and share our feelings and experiences without fear of being judged.
My guess is that you are curious about sex and are trying to get information about what certain experiences are like,
It is not about curiosity even though it may come across like that.
and I could be wrong as you've shot down most others who have tried to reach out to you
I dont mind others reaching out to me but i will not give details on the board/forum whatever you want to call it. and i am not the only one that is doing this.. that i know of. I have had others say not to and i wont .. reveal on the forum details.
Judith
I've used these boards to help deal with some of my own inhibitions and I think that is one of the wonderful functions of these anonymous forums. I can admit things that I might be uncomfortable admitting to family and friends and not feel judged. I actually find the sex boards to be less judgmental than the others, perhaps because in society we are so close-minded and judgmental when it comes to sex, so for many, it's only in a forum such as this one where we can fully open up and share our feelings and experiences without fear of being judged.
This is what this board is doing for me.
Judith
Thank you for your response
I've gone into this in some detail and talked a lot. However, I find it difficult to believe that you cannot relate to what I, and we, are talking about. Surely you have and have had similar thoughts in the past about a man or a situation that you found to be sexy or arousing or attractive? I find it very difficult to believe that you have *never* found your thoughts about an attractive person drifting towards sexual thoughts like what it would feel like to touch him, or to have him touch you.
I can relate some to the attraction and ... Lets just say I am not sure. If i have i didn't know it.. I can handle and want a nonsexual hug and have had that and like that. and miss that.
Judith
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