men: theory please
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| Tue, 11-30-2004 - 11:00am |
Theory; men please
Of course open to the ladies too.
Past would dictate, guy meets girl, girl is optimistically cautious and guy pushes, romances her with flowers, calls her, nice dinners...gets her to commit, aww, she gives in, he doesn’t do this with everyone right? Wrong, ha! They do the deed in 3 weeks, one or two weeks later guy decides this isn’t what he’s looking for. Why is this a stereotype of what men do in relationships? Sure, he thinks he knows you but he doesn’t...he’s infatuated like a new toy. My question is, what is the point? I find it hard to believe he’s doing all this work for one thing and one thing only.....go hire someone if that is the case, LOL....
Thought this would make a good post! I get burned every time. (This was posted on another board but I thought you guys here would have interesting opinions!)

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pct I totally agree that the intial attraction is normally lust..The problem arises when some people cant distinguish between love and lust. The relationship is based solely on the lust part and sex. When that wears off the relationship in many cases is doomed.
All sharing your body does is make you closer physically, not necessarally emotionally. Many people have "just sex" without any emotional connection.
If a guy has sex early on with a woman, and then looks down upon her for it, then shame on him, he is doing the same thing. Again, I dont agree with a double standard.
Where respect comes into the equation is when a man(or woman) ,who believes in relationship sex, primarily, meets up with a woman who is more than ready to jump into bed with him. The point here is that they have different value systems, doent necessarlly make his values or her values right or wrong, just different. In his eyes he may not respect her values and the relationship may never happen.
If people want to have sex with whom ever, and with as many as they can, thats their business. But just dont be surprized if you think you may have found the "one", and that "one" is totally turned off by your past indecresions. Sometimes people with different and opposite value systems can be completely compatible, but in many cases one or the other wont even give it a go because OF the differences.
Edited 12/7/2004 10:03 am ET ET by humpdaddy
If I met a woman, whom my first impression was that she seemed attractive to me , and she had a pretty nice personality, but in our conversations it came out the she is VERY sexually active, in fact shes had 30 sexual partners this year alone might alarm me. The fact that I dont want to continue with her doesnt make me a chauvinist, it simply means that she and I probably dont have the same ideals, or values. Does this make her a bad person, not really, just not the type I want to try to have a relationship with is all.
chauvinist
n 1: a person with a prejudiced belief in the superiority of his or her own kind
I was thinking of this situation when I wrote that post(they both had sex with each other), but I guess that it could be debatable as to whether or not someone who declines to date someone based on their sexual history feels superior or not.
>>The point here is that they have different value systems, doent necessarlly make his values or her values right or wrong, just different. In his eyes he may not respect her values and the relationship may never happen.<<
I'm totally with you on this one. Many posters say that the past doesn't count - and to a point I agree. For example, if you are in your 30's, your promiscious college days don't count if you've since settled down.
However, if a man has had many partners *in recent years*, then it's likely that I'll simply become another notch on his belt. A situation I am keen to avoid. While I may sleep with a man quickly, I only do so if I'm confident of a relationship.
I've got to be honest, when I'm checking out a prospective date, his recent past does matter to me. And, I will ask him about it (in a nice, conversational way) Like you say, I want a guy with similar values to myself.
What I don't get is that when you are hiring someone for a job, you look at their recent history to gauge what type of worker they will be - but it's seemingly taboo to discuss *the recent past* with a new partner.
Edited 12/7/2004 4:16 pm ET ET by iv_aisha2004
Inturn they may view me as someone who is a little old fashion, its their perogative.
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