"Mommy, how does....."

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
"Mommy, how does....."
16
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 7:25pm
I figured there was no better place than a sex board to ask this question...DD is 5, as I've said plenty of times. She's become increasingly curious about how her baby brother is going to come out...I've directed her to her father and my mother because, crap, how do you answer that? My luck semi-changed when I found, "What to Expect When You're Mommy's Expecting." I think that talking about sperm and ovum is a little too much for a 5 yr. old..And so is the vagina and the birth canal..So, how do I soften it up to explain to her in a gentle, non-graphic, G-rated way how her baby brother is going to go from my uterus to out in the open? If I was having a C-Section, this would all be easy..*LOL* Any ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 8:58pm
I saw an interesting anecdote about this subject in Reader's Digest. A little boy asked how babies were born and since she wasn't expecting the question, she got flustered and walked him into the bathroom where his dad was shaving and told him to ask his daddy. So he asked the daddy the same question and the dad didn't even pause when he said "head first". The little boy said "ok" and went on his way. I don't know if that helps any, but you might start with asking her exactly what she wants to know and then go from there. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 12:49am

I agree with ichristine. She didn't ask how the baby got in there, she didn't ask about sperm and ovum......she asked how the baby comes out.

The answer for a five year old is: "Thru the birth canal (or "special place") that all women have when they're old enough to have babies." That will satisfy her curiousity.

She's not uncomfortable asking, because she hasn't learned yet that "nice girls" don't talk about sex. Be careful that she doesn't EVER think that way. She asked an honest question, give her an honest answer, and don't palm her off on your husband or your mother. Not if you want your daughter to grow up being able to talk to you about anything and everything!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 3:02am

You are right a five year old is probably too young for anatomically correct words. Plus they probably could undertand the biological process. At five they have a high curiousity but a low attention span. So a long drawn out explaination just would not work. Just keep it simple and too the point. Something like

The baby is in mommy's belly and will let mommy know when its ready to come out. Once the baby is ready to come out daddy will take mommy to the hospital. Once there the doctors and nurses at the hopital will help the baby come out.

That should help with the first part but for the whys & hows keep it short and simple. Detail or correct anatomical words do not need to be include. However keep the information correct and don't use the stork explaination.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 4:00pm

When my youngest was 7, my DSD was pregnant. We talked about where she was going to live and that she was having a baby. He said "'A' got MARRIED??!!?" (Like, 'Why wasn't I invited to the wedding?' lol) I said no, sometimes babies come when people aren't married. He then said 'How does a woman get pregnant anyway?' So I told him...women's bodies make eggs and men's bodies make sperm and when the two have sex, sometimes they meet and a baby starts. He said 'Oh. Ok.' That was the end of it. Simple question, simple, straightforward honest answer.

When DS#1 was 5 and I was pregnant, he asked how the baby gets out. I said mothers have a special place that opens up to let the baby out, called a vagina. He said 'Ok'. I thought 'Whew, that was easy enough!'

Then he says "Can I see it?" Lmao!

Inside I was laughing like crazy but I just said 'No, I'm sorry, it's not something you can see until the baby is born.'

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 7:34pm

I have always used correct anatomical words when speaking to my children. From the time they were old enough to speak, we have used words such as vagina and penis. I'm not comfortable teaching them words such as "wee wee" and "pee pee". I fear that if I teach them that sex organs are too terrible to name correctly, that they will develop hang ups about sex and sex discussion the future.

When DD had just turned 5, she asked me how babies got out. I explained that they come down from the tummy, down...down...down and out the woman's vagina. She was quite happy with that, especially as she's always used the word vagina.

A few weeks later, she asked me how they got in. I explained that the man puts his penis in the ladies vagina. I said that sperm comes out of the penis and meets the egg in the ladies tummy and a baby starts to grow.

I also followed it up with visuals for both of them because my son is autistic and cannot learn aurally. I made a human reproduction life cycle with tasteful visuals of love>sex>sperm and egg>pregnancy>birth>baby>growing up> and back to love again. They loved the diagram and DD especially loved the images of the little baby.

Because DH and I aren't technically married, I recently had to explain that marriage isn't necessary to have babies ;-)

The kids are totally comfortable with this method of teaching and there was no embarrasment on anyone's part.




Edited 4/17/2005 7:35 pm ET ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 8:43pm
I liked the way Aisha explained it. A 5yo kids doesn't know that anatomically correct words can be a bit embarrassing to use - they're just words to a kid and I can't see any reason why you shouldn't start using the right words. Of course you're going to have to keep it pretty simple and basic. At least if she starts explaining the facts of life to her classmates she's got her facts correct! LOL!
Long winded explanations are just going to get confusing for a little kid. Keep it short and simple and don't worry about explaining how the baby got there until she asks that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 9:04pm

I have been trying to think of what I told our sons, but I don't remember them ever asking how the baby gets out.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 10:32pm

Why are anatomically correct words embarrassing? I'm not trying to put you on the spot, I've just always been curious about that particular view.

My kids used the right words from the start, because that was all they were taught. I found it more embarrassing when friend's sons talked about their balls and their weiner. I just always thought it was a bit ridiculous that we can correctly name every other body part to kids but have to nickname genitals.

And I think that carries over into adulthood. I don't know how many adult women I know that refer to 'my...you know..down there." I want to say "WHERE?? Your knees? feet?' calves?" lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 10:51pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 11:23pm

""Why are anatomically correct words embarrassing? ""

I'm not really the person to ask actually. I know that some people have problems with talking about penises and vaginas because they refer to the... hush, say it quietly now.. "private parts", but I'm not really one of them. I'd much rather use the proper terms. Strangely I think that some people prefer the slang terms because there is something less naughty or embarrassing about referring to a vagina as a p**sy. Why? I don't know but that's just the way it seems to work. Maybe using an ambiguous, multi-meaning word softens the mental image? Using a phrase like "private parts" goes even further towards masking the real meaning.

Funnily enough in the context of this conversation, "vagina" is no more or less dirty or embarrassing to a 5yo child than, say, "elbow" or "apple". It's just another word to a child.

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